The Gabapentin Blues (A Poem)

I’m so drowsy from these pills, even on this sunny day
I’m in far too much pain for me to come out to play
I’m doped up to the eyeballs on this awful medication
My attention span is shocking, as is my concentration

It’s affecting my memory, and I can’t grasp my words
My eyesight is blurry, and my speech is all slurred
I’m feeling very shaky, and it’s difficult to write
I can type very slowly, but it takes me half the night

I hate being on these drugs, as they slow down my mind
I’m taking Gabapentin and Co-codamol combined
Thinking is an effort, but it’s harder still to read
I’m sorry for my absence; I have to take the time I need

I wish I could read your blogs; I miss them all so much
We’ve not chatted for ages, and I feel so out of touch
I’ve been typing night and day, and I still have so much pain
I long to be back blogging with my friends once again

I don’t know how I’m writing when I feel so very drunk
Years ago, I gave up weed; it’s also known as skunk
Although I’m twelve years sober, I feel like I’m on the booze
It’s not that at all; I’ve got the *Gabapentin blues.

~~~

*Gabapentin is a powerful painkiller often used to treat nerve pain. It’s also known as Neurontin. I’m taking it to treat the severe nerve pain in my mouth, chin, lip and jaw following a [botched] tooth extraction, where the nerve was badly damaged.

~~~

P.S. I started writing this yesterday evening, and I finally finished it this morning at 10.45am. I had a real job staying awake to enable me to publish the post. I know I didn’t have to write anything on my blog, but although I haven’t been reading many of your blogs, I feel a strong need to write. It’s my only way of coping with what I’m going through right now.


(Image by Freepik)

Oh, Not Another One (A Poem)

Oh, not another poem about her being in the wars!
Can’t she change the subject and get on with her chores?
Is it so essential to talk about her pain?
Could we have another tale before we go insane?

So, let’s talk about the weather; it’s beautiful outside
But what about the dentist and the damage he’s denied
She doesn’t like that surgeon; her doctor’s on the case
The whole *kit and caboodle is an absolute disgrace

But think about the summer with a lovely cool breeze
Look out of the window at the flowers and the trees
Now, she’s got some pills that should offer some relief
Yet, here she is going on about her blooming teeth!

Four days on these pills, and she sleeps, and she shakes
It’s difficult to concentrate; she thinks she needs a break
She wants to carry on her writing; it’s something she enjoys
But she’s drowning in the water, so we need to throw a buoy

So here she is, producing work; will she never rest?
Though everyone on WordPress makes her feel quite blessed
There is a lot of gratitude within this heart and soul
She knows that pushing on will really take its toll

So how about a holiday; where would you like to be?
Ooh, yes, she says, delighted, and chose Southend-on-Sea
We could paddle in the water.  But the sea is full of shit!
Aww, can’t we dip our toes in just a tiny weeny bit?


*kit and boodle (Collins Dictionary)

Informal (often prec. by whole)
The whole lot of persons or things; all of something


Image by wirestock on Freepik







A Few More Hours In The Day, Please

Well, here I am again, finding I can’t keep up with everything I need to do, and my head is spinning! I’ve had to be out all day today; tomorrow, I have some work to do on a project; Saturday, my best friend is coming for lunch; and on Sunday, I said I’d go along to the local Quakers Meeting House to accompany a friend to a service for the first time. It should be interesting, and I am looking forward to it. I also have a lot of coursework to do, as I’m getting behind on that, too. Please, forgive me, once again, for missing some of your blogs for now. I need a few more hours in the day, or perhaps, a few more days in the week. Anyone here got a few to sell, by any chance 😁!?

Add to all that the severe pain 😖I still have following my botched tooth extraction. I’m on stronger medication than morphine to try and get on top of the pain. It does render me a bit incapable sometimes, as I keep nodding off. It’s difficult to be productive when your brain is frequently ‘logging out 😶!’ The medication is making my hands shake, too, so I constantly make mistakes when typing. All I can say is, “Thank goodness for *Grammarly!”

Anyway, I’ll leave it there for now. I humbly apologise for not reading your brilliant work recently. I am in the process of writing a poem, but I think that’s about all I can manage for the moment.

I know you are all kind and understanding, and you may be fed up with me pleading “overload” again, but I’d rather be honest about things than just suddenly disappearing into the ether.

I may be able to read a few blogs over my busy weekend, but I’ve learned not to allow myself to get exhausted. I know my health is important, whether physical, mental or emotional. I wish you all really well and I hope that you enjoy your weekend, whatever you are doing. If you’re alone and don’t want to be, I send you kind thoughts, calm and peace ☮.

That’s all for now … Much Love, Ellie Xx 💓

Image by atlascompany on Freepik

Do You Need An Ambulance!? (A Poem)

I called 111 for assistance (a helpline within the UK)
I needed advice about the pain I’d been having every day
They asked me lots of questions to see how I was feeling
I told them it was time that I really should be healing

I told them about the tablets that made me feel all funny
I mentioned that my dentist had charged me lots of money
They asked about my general health and how I felt today
Do you need an ambulance? I replied with a firm “No way”

Had I had a heart attack, or perhaps, I’d had a stroke?
I was puzzled by these questions, but they seemed well-meaning folk
Did I feel a heavy weight sitting on my chest?
I began to doubt myself and started feeling stressed

I confirmed it was those pills that made me feel unwell
My head was very dizzy, like I’d been on a carousel
Had I had an accident within the past few days?
Had I had a migraine with brightly shining rays?

Was my speech quite slurry; my mouth dropped on one side?
I said yes, but it was nerve damage the dentist had denied
I think you need an ambulance; I firmly refused once more
No, I really don’t, and yes, I’m certain, that’s for sure

I thanked them very kindly and said that I had to go
But you might need an ambulance. I really don’t, you know
I thanked them once again; I shouldn’t have a moan
And with that, I stopped abruptly and hung up on the phone.





Image source – Pexels

Commotion (A Poem)

(I’ve written about my teeth till I’m ‘blue in the face.’
I think my tooth extraction was a bit of a disgrace
I’ve been in so much pain, but they don’t know why
The doctor gave me morphine, so now I’m rather high)


I think I’ll change the subject; I’m finding this a bore
I’ll shut those tedious thoughts out and open a new door
I’ll pick up my new book and turn page after page
I can concentrate much better; now I’m not so full of rage

So, let us wander elsewhere; my muse is very willing
No more talk of teeth and pain, extractions and fillings
I’m sitting at my laptop as I search for something fresh
The screen’s gone blank, as the page has just refreshed!

I don’t want more laptop trouble; I’ve had enough of that
Now, Peanut’s on the keyboard; that blooming nuisance cat!
How’s a girl to think with this commotion going on?
Now the doorbell’s ringing; oh, damn, it’s neighbour, John!

Will I ever get this poem written and finished to the end?
All of these distractions are driving me ‘round the bend
The cat’s now sleeping peacefully, dreaming in her bed
Oh, now she’s woken up again, demanding to be fed

There is no peace for me today to write and concentrate
Now, here comes the postman, walking through my gate
I’m hoping for a letter, but he says, no, they’re all bills
Pass the morphine, will you, I need a few more pills.



Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Too Many Peas (A Poem)

Here I am in pain from a badly infected gum
The nerves have been damaged, and my chin is all numb
I’ve been to the dentist and paid substantial fees
And all I can eat is custard and mashed peas

They think I may have Osteonecrosis of the Jaw
My mouth is so painful, and the bone is very sore
It hurts when I cough and hurts more when I sneeze
And all I can eat is custard and mashed peas

Necrosis means death to my very fragile bone
I may need an operation, as my X-rays have shown
I’m pretty terrified and have wobbly, knocking knees
And all I can eat is custard and mashed peas

Will surgery be needed? My mind is full of fear
My heart’s thumping loudly, and I’m gulping down the air
I wish I could eat, as I’m missing bread and cheese
And all I can eat is custard and mashed peas

I wish I’d never set foot inside the dentist’s door
I didn’t expect this trouble; that’s for sure
I’ve been using an ice pack to help the pain to ease
And all I can eat is custard and mashed peas

I’ve never had pain like it, not even giving birth
It’s cost me a fortune – I’ve not had my money’s worth
I’m in so much agony; can you make it go, please
Because all I can eat is custard and mashed peas.

Photo by Engin Akyurt: https://www.pexels.com


Dead In The Water

I know this is a bit unexpected, but I’ve recently become very unsure of myself as a writer (and a reader, too, come to that). I’m sitting in my chair in the living room and have spent the entire morning and much of the afternoon staring at a blank page, unable to write anything I consider worthy. Giving up on that idea, I decided to catch up on reading all the blogs I’m so behind on. I’ve read many repeatedly, and I’m still finding my mind completely vacant when it comes to responding to them.

Some of you will also know I’m taking a writing course with a group of writers and a tutor. We’ve just had a two-week break, and I should have written and submitted at least three pieces of work in that time. Yet, I haven’t managed to produce anything that would pass as halfway decent. I have until Wednesday morning to come up with something. My mind is blank, completely blank.

“So, what is going on?” I ask myself. I am still in a lot of pain from Friday’s difficult tooth extraction despite two types of painkillers and antibiotics, which aren’t doing much to alleviate my discomfort. I’m also worried that my lip and chin are still numb thirty-six hours after the procedure. That can’t be right, can it? Perhaps, I’ve got nerve damage. Now, I’m worrying even more. I’m telling myself to stop panicking, but I can’t phone the dentist till tomorrow because it’s a bank holiday weekend.

Apart from being in pain and not having slept for three nights, I’ve also just discovered that I should have come off my osteoporosis drug (Alendronic Acid) three months prior and following the extraction; otherwise, there is a very real risk of getting Osteonecrosis of the Jaw. That’s when the exposed jawbone in the gum dies, which can then spread to other parts of the bone in the jaw and face. I wasn’t given this information beforehand, so to say I am worried is somewhat of an understatement.

I began writing this at around 2pm yesterday, and here we are today at gone 2pm, and I’ve written nothing of any worth of interest. I’ve spent the entire morning flicking back and forwards through posts I want to read and comment on, but my concentration is severely lacking, and it’s past the stage of seeing anything other than panic and feeling overwhelmed.

I’m seriously wondering whether I should give up my writing course and blogging, although I know I’d miss all my classmates and blogging friends terribly. I don’t feel I have anything worthwhile to offer, and I shouldn’t expect others to take an interest in my writing if I cannot reciprocate. Perhaps, it would be better if I weren’t here. I feel hopeless, quite unlike my usual self. I think my desire to be a writer will never amount to anything. I am, for want of a better expression, dead in the water.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Agony (A Poem)

(I wrote this poem last night when I couldn’t sleep, but I was too exhausted to post it then).

I went to the dentist today and had a tooth pulled out
Six injections and three stitches later, I didn’t holler or shout
The tooth was awkward and stubborn, so a difficult extraction
The dentist pushed and pulled it hard to try and get some action

My best friend came with me this morning, so I could hold her hand
I squeezed it tight till her fingers turned blue; I knew she’d understand
The gum has not stopped bleeding, and the stitches are very sore
I think I’ll take some Panadol and some more at half past four

I drove back to my house, pale and weary, just as it started to rain
Just what I didn’t need when I was in so much awful pain
I’d left in a rush this morning, forgetting to pack my mac
I’d got halfway there when I realised; it was far too late to turn back

I feel completely exhausted from so much trauma and pain
I do my best to look after my teeth; I don’t want all this again
I messaged my son and said that I can’t have the children tonight
My face is bruised and swollen, and I look a shocking sight

The teeth I have left are in a bad way with lots of amalgam fillings
They’ve cost me an absolute fortune, and I don’t want any more drilling.
Lots of saltwater rinses tomorrow, and nothing to eat till later
The absent tooth has left a hole; it’s almost the size of a crater

I’ve wondered in the past, whether I should have false teeth
They’d have to dig out the decay that is hiding away underneath
“I wish I’d looked after me teeth”, said Pam Ayres in one of her rhymes
That was long, long ago, perhaps, decades, back in the olden times.

(Pam Ayres – “Oh I Wish I’d Looked After Me Teeth” – 2 minutes 16 seconds)

Image by wayhomestudio on Freepik

Kaput!! (More Bad News)

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse in my world, they just did! My laptop completely crashed again today. It was utterly kaput, defunct, expired, deceased, and needing more than the kiss of life to revive it. I lost everything; all my work and all my open tabs again, where I had stored all my blogging friends’ valuable posts and more besides. This happened to me a few days ago, although not on such a large scale as today. I’m past the stage of crying now, and if I could let myself go, I would scream very loudly.

Last time, my techie guy came to try to reset my laptop. Today, he had to come back again and was here for over two hours, having to reinstall everything. He charges £45 ($57) per hour. Today’s fee was nearly £100!! Added to that was the fee for coming out last Monday, which was a Bank Holiday. The total came to £175 ($221).

To add to all my despair, I had a tooth taken out this morning. It was an unexpectedly complicated extraction (more about that tomorrow). I was in the dentist’s chair for forty minutes, having had six injections to properly numb my mouth. I had to pay to go privately, as my regular NHS dentist couldn’t extract my tooth because I have a pre-existing condition, which makes having teeth out a risk. In the end, after much pulling, pushing and tugging, I ended up with three stitches.

When the anaesthetic started to wear off, I was in agony. I had strict instructions to just sip water and not to eat anything solid, not that I’m hungry anyway. I still feel quite traumatised and exhausted from the whole procedure. Tomorrow, I can eat soft food and drink warm drinks – whoopie doo!! The cost of my extraction, strong painkillers and antibiotics came to £500 ($632). Add that to the laptop repair, and it totals over £600 ($760)!! It looks like I won’t be getting much shopping this week. Just as well, my appetite has disappeared.

So … here I am again, begging for forgiveness for losing all your recent posts. Honestly, right now, I feel like throwing in the towel, but I know if I did that, I would only regret it. I so wanted to catch up on your blogs, but it looks like it’s not meant to be.

I’m absolutely shattered now, so will head on up to bed in the hope that a good night’s sleep and more painkillers will help me to feel better in the morning. I really do hope so – it’s been a day and a half today!

Blowing A Gasket (A Nonsense Poem)

BLOWING A GASKET*

I woke up bright and early as the sun rose in the sky
to find my laptop 💻 failing, so I called my techie guy
I was all in a dither; I’m addicted to this thing
I could have read a book, but I have no discipline

My techie guy was busy, so he couldn’t come around
An end to this disaster just wasn’t being found
I sat here all frustrated and did not know what to do
I racked my brains, and then, my blooming gasket* blew 🤯

Oh, what a mess it made, spread out across the floor
It seeped into the carpet and crept underneath the door
The cat 🐈 slipped on the lino and banged her dainty head
I ran out to the kitchen to make sure she wasn’t dead

I watched it trickle down the walls and onto my bed 🛏
Where would it go to next? My heart was full of dread
It soaked into the duvet, and the pillowcase got wet
This was such a rare occurrence; one I’d never forget

I was beginning to despair; I began to give up hope
I really didn’t know how long I’d be able to cope
I must try something else, but I did not know quite what
The gasket had leaked everywhere, and I’d lost the plot 🥴

My desperation spread, forming puddles in my brain
I got a cloth and wiped the yuck off my window pane
I urgently needed a real expert on the job
My techie guy rang later, and I cried and I sobbed 😢

Just half an hour later, he turned up and rang the bell
By this time, I really wasn’t feeling very well 🤢
He spent more than an hour here but couldn’t fix the issue
I sobbed again and asked if he’d pass me a clean tissue

He left just after that; I knew I had to sort it out
But I had tried, and I tried, and was now so full of doubt 😬
I grabbed my carpet cleaner, a mop and a bucket
But all to no avail, so I gave up and said, “Oh f— it!!”

*Gasket – To blow a gasket means to get angry or enraged. I used the term here to describe how I visualised that anger and despair spreading everywhere.

AN EXPLANATION

This morning, my computer completely crashed. I tried everything I could think of to remedy the situation, although I am no way an expert, so didn’t really know what I was doing. I phoned my son, who said to do a system restore, which I did. Nothing happened! A big fat nothing! I tried that again but still no luck. I blew a *gasket!

I had so much to do today – coursework, blog reading and some financial workings out, and here we are already at nearly 7pm, and I have done nothing. Finally, I phoned my neighbour, and luckily, her son said I can borrow his spare laptop for a couple days (bless him). My techie guy said he’ll come back in the week to have another look at my computer. Patience is a virtue, but it’s something I don’t have right now. So, that’s given me the chance to write this post. Above is a poem I wrote this afternoon to pass the time. It’s a nonsense poem that crept into my head while trying to think of solutions.

I’ve now typed it into my blog to explain that I’ve lost ALL my tabs, every single one. I had lots of blogs open, ready to try and catch up with. I’ve got no way to trace them, and although I have a few notifications in my email, I feel awful that I’ve missed so many that I wanted to read. Honestly, I could cry 😭.

(Image by cookie_studio on Freepik)