Why write a blog? Why write a blog at all? Why do i feel the need to share with total strangers, my innermost thoughts, my idiosyncrasies, my Pandora’s box of secrets that if written in a diary, would, without doubt, be kept under lock and key?
When i write, i pour my heart out, as if i were talking back at myself, as if i were confiding in a trusted friend or a therapist. I write under a pseudonym to protect my anonymity and to keep the contents away from those prying eyes outside of the blogging world that would tear me to pieces in disbelief if they read my truths which often read as if they are from a horror movie. Unfortunately, the only movie they are taken from is the movie of my true life.
One member of my family who has discovered i keep a blog has said so many times, “what do you want to put your private stuff ‘ out there’ for?” Then adding, “why on Earth do you want to air your dirty laundry in public?” I hesitate, cautious not to make their opinion of me worse still. I fail miserably by saying things like,”i get to know other people who often feel as i do or at least are interested enough to want to read past the first line”. “I get support”, i say. “Who from?” is the next question. Then they add one long string of anti-tech words like, “what rubbish are you talking about? It (being my laptop), is just one machine talking to another. The machines don’t have emotions and character”.But they completely fail to understand that there are people with thoughts, worries, memories and feelings etc at the end of, and operating these ‘machines’.
I feel i have made good friends; friends who i can share my darkest, deepest thoughts with who do not rebuke me, nor criticize my language skills. And i feel very privileged to be thought of as trustworthy enough to read of other bloggers’ inner worlds. The world of bloggers is as secret as it is public:We spill the contents of our hearts onto the ‘paper’, usually under a pen-name so as not to be discovered and before we know it, we’ve pressed the PUBLISH button and there it all goes, spewing out into the world for all and sundry to see.
Personally, i feel it helps me; it is the time i can let go of my inhibitions and just share what happens to be in or on my mind and that it always a relief. Although when my words go out into the universe, i am self-critical about what i have written and find myself thinking, “what a load of tosh! Who on Earth really wants to read my thoughts?” And sometimes i get feedback to say i have helped someone so that makes at least two of us! Sometimes i don’t get feedback or i have doubts about what i have written and am all ready, and sometimes do hit the DELETE or CANCEL POST button and there it goes, sometimes unspoken, sometimes unheard, into the atmosphere.
Essentially Ellie 