After my earlier blog, I did go to see my new therapist but it was so harrowing, I could only write these words. They are not clever or articulate. They are basic.They are feelings which hardly touch the edge. They are the crater at the top of a volcano which may erupt and spew it’s contents at any time. They are me.
(My experience of abusive therapy)
Eight years gone; vanished from my life
Deaf ears to the pleading all around me
Every minute of my life consumed by you
You told me that you loved me
I couldn’t survive apart from you
Every time you left me, a part of me died
And I shrivelled further into my anorexia
And permanently scarred my body
“Love me, hug me, and kiss me please”
“I need to be in your arms”
“Never leave me”, I implored
“You are my favourite mum”
I needed you. You needed me
When you were absent for a while
My world fell in. I was lost without you
Like a body deprived of oxygen
I didn’t know then, that you were toxic
You loved me too much; so much that it hurt
Unspeakable, unbearable pain
Cut into my flesh; forever imperfect
We text’d, “With love and hugs”
I cried down the phone, so near yet so far
Without you, I was helpless
I replaced you with alcohol and pills
My father died; you left me
With words that pierced my heart
I hid in a corner and died that day
Wanting to evaporate into spirit
That could fetch you back
The hospital staff disliked me
Because it was my fault and I wasn’t ill
They couldn’t see that you were killing me softly
.
Ellie Thompson 
Reblogged this on elliesofia and commented:
I’m reblogging this post as a precursor to my following post. I am still dealing with the destruction left behind by my eight-year encounter with an emotionally abusive therapist, Ellie.
It’s terrible and such an awful turn of events when someone who has been entrusted with the “highest” power and confidential to do “well” does more harm – and for the pain you have suffered Ellie – I am so sorry.
Thank you so much, Mj. You have such a good understanding of my situation. Hugs, Ellie xxx
Anytime sweet one – always happy to lend and share an ear 🙂