I woke this morning, having slept reasonably well. I could instantly feel a black cloud of depression engulfing my head. ‘The Black Dog’, Churchill called it.


I have no particular reason to feel especially down today. That’s BPD for you; no rhyme nor reason…I could be full of the joys of Spring in an hour or two! Who knows?


Yes, I know the sun is shining and with some warmth in it today, and i know that the cherry trees are full of pink blossom. I just cannot see that right now, in my darkness and gloom.


I should have gone to church this morning but i chose not to. Attending would probably had been the wisest decision as i would have, at least, felt spiritually lifted and seen some human faces too. I am blessed to have carers coming in three times a day but today, i wanted to stay in bed, unkempt and in my PJs, curled up with my own misery. But as my carers had to make the effort to get here first thing in the morning, the least i could do was to be obliging and cooperate. So, washed and dressed it was. I didn’t want breakfast. Well, actually, i did but the ‘anorexic self-harm fairy’ kicked up a stink and had a hissy-fit and wouldn’t allow me any. So now i am hungry and it’s entirely my own fault! And do i feel good for it? No, i am even denied the satisfaction of that! 


Misery loves company‘, they say! Anyone care to join me?! No? Thought not and i don’t blame you in the least. I should get up off my butt and go smell the roses but that requires too much effort! So, I will sit here and be a martyr!!


See?! Now i’ve cheered myself up, getting that lot off my chest and remembering how many caring buddies i have out there in the blogging world…thanks for being there, my friends xxx 🙂






Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊

12 thoughts on “THE BLACK DOG”

  1. Sometimes just moaning it all out is what’s needed to flush it and then one feels better – so forwards, outwards, and just take things one moment at a time.

  2. Churchill found what helped him in his depression – painting (and also bricklaying). You cannot avoid depression, it is like a black cloud that descends on you, but it’s important to identify the activities that help, and avoid those that don’t. And do avoid people who have no idea what they’re speaking about and tell you chin up. Incidentally Churchill was actually bipolar.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my post. Your advice is good. I do find that both painting and writing help get my dark feelings out when i am able to participate in these activities – it depends how severely my disability is affecting me at the time.

      1. I know. You can only do what you can. I think however that making the effort to get out of bed and out of the house, which may seem colossal at times, are well worth the effort. Then just be realistic and do what you can. I hope it gets better.

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