Just for once, i feel whole and complete today rather than fragmented as usual, although there are always broken fragments inside. Today, I feel content which makes a nice change from my usual highly stressed out self. Some of you who know me well will understand when is say ‘my real Baby Emily has come home at long last’ and that has made a huge difference.
I’ve got through the whole day without a single panic attack and i’ve been pretty good with my eating too (ate most of the small meals my carers gave me), haven’t needed any extra, emergency medication and the pain i get with my disability is bearable today too (I just wish my legs worked!!). Well, i count myself lucky really…I have a good wheelchair which gets me about and I always think they’re are a hell of a lot of people who are worse off than me (and that is so true).
Yay! I even had my favourite carer come to me this evening – she’s lovely and is called Kim. We always have a hug…we’re both ‘huggy’ people. I’m not supposed to hug my carers but she is special. We are just, really on the same wavelength! When she leaves this care agency, we’re going to keep in touch (yes…I know were not supposed too!) and we’ll make the best of friends. I showed her my favourite song on here…’Brave’, sung by Sara Bareilles which means so very much to me as a survivor (and I am a survivor; I no longer choose to be a victim). I’m going to take this opportunity (and I hope you don’t mind), of reblogging this video which i put on an earlier post. I just love it. It took me best part of forty years for me to be able to ‘let the words fall out’, as the song says. I can stand up and speak my truth and I’m not ashamed of that today.
Essentially Ellie 