I live in fear of disclosing myself to my fullest

although my minimum appears too much sometimes.

Because of certain and particular other’s misinterpretations,

I dare not show myself in all my hues or shades.


I would be rejected, damned to hell and never forgiven.

I dare not even hint at who ‘others’ are as I am so fearful of their retaliation

‘Others’ have no heart, no thought, no consideration of where

or who I happen to be or what I might be feeling, let alone my opinions.


Sometimes, I yearn to be a star in the night sky or a moonbeam shining down brightly

but alas, I must remain a heavy cloud at midnight, waiting to see the first light of dawn so I may shade the sun.

I am dull, like an old coin, when occasionally I am longing to be an emerald or a sapphire.

I wish to live in the daylight, not hide in the darkness with not even a shadow for company


Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊


  1. I think you are a shining star – not a dull coin.

    We all live and process our traumas as best we can – and yes, the darkness is overwhelming at times, but hold onto the light in your heart and soul Ellie. You are still here for a reason – and that is more than enough to know that your special qualities are transformative – in great ways. Not everyone will understand or appreciate the complexity of you – but there will be some whose lives you touch and change, for the better.

  2. Thank you for thinking I am a shining star despite everything. You know me so well, Patricia. Your words mean so much to me and your opinion is more valuable then you’ll ever know. Thank you for your insight, my friend xxx

  3. Thankfully a dull old coin can be shined:~) It takes work to get there, but it can be done. Keep writing the truth and then write more. Each time you write it, you let go of that dullness and gain the shine of the positives and the twinkle of the humor.

    I like what Patricia said, “hold onto the light in your heart and soul, Ellie.” You were born with all the brightness of the stars, the sun and every color in the rainbow. You were born perfect. The dark cloud isn’t you, it’s the people who harmed you. Be careful about letting their reflection be yours. It’s not.

    1. Thank you for such positive comments….I just wrote this without giving it any prior thought. Sometimes I find that’s the best way to write. Thank you for asking me to read your short story. I certainly will within the next couple of days and then get back to you. Take care 🙂

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