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I went to therapy this morning. I’m still dealing with the aftermath that my last counsellor, ‘J’ did to me for eight years, My current therapist, ‘T’ suggested a write an unsent letter to her because I am so angry and need to get it out somehow because it is poisoning me.
I can’t believe that she did so much harm and damage in hindsight, and yet she is still practicing privately and potentially harming other vulnerable people. I loved J even more than my own Mum and that’s not right for a start. It was because she would cuddle me, hold my hand when I was upset and we always had a long hug hello and goodbye.
In between those three days a week (which is also wrong in counseling), we used to text each other and there were phone calls, cards and presents! Not good, I know now. She made me totally dependant on her. I dropped all my friends, hardly spoke to my family and couldn’t sneeze without her permission!!
It became a very codependent relationship (also wrong) where she needed me as much as I needed her. She told me about her private life and that was sexually abused as a child too. I think now, that she was trying to work through her own issues through me.
I saw her for an hour three days every week and was getting into debt, paying for it, to say nothing of the taxi fare there and back as my disability was beginning to worsen at that time and there was no other way I could get there. I worked out that I spent more than £30,000 going there over those years!!! That was all my Disability Benefit gone every week, plus skipping out on a lot of food and then becoming anorexic, plus I had to work part-time to make up the money, and was trying to raise two children at the same time. No wonder I have two very dysfunctional adult children who won’t have anything to do with me, thereby depriving me of seeing my three granddaughters.
I don’t yet know how much physical damage I’ve done to my body because of all those pills. Personally, I think they damaged my nerve ending in my spine and other places, thereby causing my disability. I can’t be sure of course, I’m just taking a partly-educated guess. I don’t yet know what toll all that has taken oN my other organs, i.e., my liver, heart and kidneys.
J STOLE EIGHT YEARS OF MY LIFE; WOULDN’T ALLOW ME TO ‘MOVE ON’, AND I VERY NEARLY ENDED MY LIFE AND THEN WOULDN’T BE HERE TO WRITE THIS TODAY.
I GOING TO STOP HERE BECAUSE I AM TOO ANGRY TO WRITE ANY MORE AND I COULD GO ON FOR A LOT LONGER BUT THAT WOULD BECOME DEADLY BORING FOR YOU TO READ, (IF YOU GET THIS FAR) AND I THANK YOU HAVE STUCK IT OUT TILL THE END). (I AM EXHAUSTED NOW).
Essentially Ellie 
Wow I can’t even begin to imagine . Major boundary issues there!!! All on her part. I’m angry for you!!!
Thank you for understanding why I am so angry. I know now there was huge boundary issues and she shouldn’t still be practicing! Fortunately, the huge majority of therapists/counsellors are great, do some wonderful work with people and can make huge difference to clients’ lives..
I
That’s just dreadful that you were further victimized by this therapist. Unfortunate that there are “cracks in the counseling system” too; perhaps in some way, she may one day be stopped.
Good on you for taking your current therapist’s advice and letting (or starting to) go of this anger, resentment and pain. It’ll take time, but have faith and strength Ellie – you may not be able to “right the wrongs” done to you – but you don’t have to “own” them anymore.
Take care.
Thanks Patricia. She walked out on me on the day of my father’s death! No longer will I take the hurt out on myself…I’m done with all that and if anything, like the song says, “I’m stronger than I was”. The anger is still there, yes but as you say, at least I’m working on it and I don’t intend to let her cruelty ruin the rest of my life! Thank you for your care and support, Ellie xxx
Wow. I am so sorry. Therapists are truly in a place to either help heal or cause great, great damage. I am sorry. She is still practicing privately? I say you ought to report her to her board. Those things are inappropriate, and she is probably falling into the same patterns with other clients. xx
Yes, she is still practicing privately and probably ruining someone else’s life which shouldn’t be allowed to happen, as you say. My first step is going to be to make an appointment with the Manager of the counselling organization and ask why she was allowed to get away with it. Surely they must suspect something because of all of my eight years of notes going missing. I want some answers! I will find out who the appropriate board is and perhaps take it up with them too. Thanks for caring enough to give me your opinion which I appreciate xxx
Wow I can’t believe that this therapist put your mental and physical health in jeopardy to fulfil her own needs. It boggles the mind and as people have commented, touches on some major boundary issues. It is completely your right to do whatever you need to do but I were you, I would definitely report her or file a complaint so that she doesn’t put other people through the same thing.
This again emphasizes why it’s so important for trainee therapists to enter their own therapy before they deal with others. I know wounded healers often make the best therapists ONCE they can take their transformation and use it to assist those who feel like there is no hope.
Sorry to hear that your angry letter accidentally deleted could not be found on the computer!
Thank you for your concern, Jay. I have today spoken to BACP as she is a member (!). They have suggested that I make a formal complaint. I know it will be painful, stressful and gut-wrenching for me but at least it might stop her ruining other vulnerable peoples’ lives x
Ellie, We also had a therapist J. Of course its not the same one, at least I hope it isnt. We saw our one for four and a half years. Like your there were many of the same things, hugs, which are ok in and of themselves, but yes presents, trips out, lunch, etc etc. It was madness. We are glad we got away from her now. XXx I am sorry you were so damaged by J.
Thanks, Carol anne, she was my first long-term therapist and I didn’t really know any different. Everyone around me told me it wasn’t right but by then, i ‘loved’ her so much and refused to listen to their pleas.
I’m glad you got away too and I hope you weren’t too badly damaged by your therapist. i understand you and feel for you too. Hugs, Ellie xxx