What is it with you? I am sick of it all! Who gives the right to judge me when you make no effort to get to know me at all? What do you know? What do you care anyway?

you don't know what i've been through

Why do you have to make me look so small? You have NO right! NO right at all. How dare you give me your opinion of what you think my problem is when you can’t even be bothered to scratch below the surface to find out. I do have feelings, you know and you just go and tread all over them with your size 9 hobnail boots!


Too sensitive?…You say I’m too sensitive…if only you knew; if only you could climb into my shoes and feel what I am feeling! I am angry…so angry…I know you don’t even want to begin to understand the condition that I have, Borderline Personality Disorder, that being the ‘Emotionally Unstable’ variation. And is it any wonder when you say you don’t believe me, you show that you really don’t care, couldn’t give a damn and make it blatantly obvious that you have no love for me whatsoever, and sometimes, in fact I’m pretty sure, I don’t think you ever had.

never make the mistake

And yes, I know, that you, rather pathetically can’t deal with physical disability either and are therefore, ashamed of me. You’d like to pretend I don’t exist; shut me in a cupboard, lock the door and throw the key away. How do you think that makes me feel? How the hell do you think I feel?

Well, fuck you, you ignorant bastards! And no, maybe I shouldn’t be so angry but on the other hand, I have nothing to lose… I have lost it all already….you made sure of that, didn’t you? I don’t have to excuse myself; I don’t have to explain myself to you. You, who think you know it all, so high and mighty, well I tell you, you are no better than I am, not one iota, not one dot, not for one second. I never use to hate….I don’t like hating, but you, well, you’ve driven me to the brink; you’ve gone too far; you’ve pushed me over the edge.

I have had all I can take from you; enough is enough! I know you will never read this (although I am sorely tempted to copy and paste in into an email and send it to you) but you’re not worth it…you’re just not worth it. I have better things to do with my time and apart from which, I don’t bloody well have to explain myself to you, of all people!

no obligation to make sense


Today, I had a tumble or more accurately an accident! I fell….but it was no ordinary fall….it was quite a spectacular experience (but not funny). I fell out of my electric wheelchair on to the ground with a thud because of negligence on behalf of the council. Was I hurt? Yes, I was – I have hurt my back, hip and leg which is making my disability worse (hopefully only temporarily). Time will tell.

fallen broken wheelchair

I was on my way back from town with my wheelchair, riding on the pavement (not the road) as I am meant to but nevertheless, I have to cross roads like everybody else. I was just passing the railway station and was crossing the entrance which is quite a narrow but busy side road. I came up to the kerb, ready to cross and lurched down into the road with a huge bump, as usual. I have already complained in writing to the council to say that they have not provided that busy road with a ‘dropped’ or lowered kerb; a prime example of a non-dropped kerb is shown in the image below (that’s not me in the photo, by the way!).

wheelchair and kerb

I crossed the road and then approached the kerb on the other side, also not ‘dropped’ as it should be under The Discrimination Act, but worse still, the kerb was broken so very uneven (also previously pointed out to the council). I tried to mount this damaged and rather steep pavement edging. There is no other way of getting home other than this route, unfortunately. My front wheels slammed into the kerb, causing my wheelchair (with me in it) to fall over into the road. I was trapped; unable to get out because of lack of use of my legs, so there I lay, on the ground, hurting, embarrassed, angry and helpless. I was obviously in need of help and would you believe eight people walked straight past me, totally ignoring me as if I were invisible!!

After about five minutes, a young girl, listening to music on her ipod, stopped and asked me if I needed an ambulance and then went into the station to ask for assistance for me. Two well-built men came out and righted my wheelchair and got me a glass of water. I guess I must have been in shock. The ambulance arrived just at that moment and they checked me over, made me comfortable and stretchered me into the back of the ambulance.

ambulance crew rescue

I started to recover from the shock but I was hurting, physically so they carefully checked my back and ‘thank the Lord’, I hadn’t broken anything. I was badly shaken up, bruised, battered and very sore though. I didn’t want to go to hospital so they slowly got me back into my wheelchair and one of the men kindly pushed me all the way home where my carer was waiting. I was so glad to be home.

So, I’d like to publicly thank C. City Council for their negligence in keeping the pavements and kerbs in such good condition, NOT, and for breaking The Discrimination Act which believe me, I’m not going to let them get away with! WATCH THIS SPACE!