VENTING ANGER!

What is it with you? I am sick of it all! Who gives the right to judge me when you make no effort to get to know me at all? What do you know? What do you care anyway?

Why do you have to make me look so small? You have NO right! NO right at all. How dare you give me your opinion of what you think my problem is when you can’t even be bothered to scratch below the surface to find out. I do have feelings, you know and you just go and tread all over them with your size 9 hobnail boots!

Too sensitive?…You say I’m too sensitive…if only you knew; if only you could climb into my shoes and feel what I am feeling! I am angry…so angry…I know you don’t even want to begin to understand the condition that I have, Borderline Personality Disorder, that being the ‘Emotionally Unstable’ variation. And is it any wonder when you say you don’t believe me, you show that you really don’t care, couldn’t give a damn and make it blatantly obvious that you have no love for me whatsoever, and sometimes, in fact I’m pretty sure, I don’t think you ever had.

And yes, I know, that you, rather pathetically can’t deal with physical disability either and are therefore, ashamed of me. You’d like to pretend I don’t exist; shut me in a cupboard, lock the door and throw the key away. How do you think that makes me feel? How the hell do you think I feel?

Well, fuck you, you ignorant bastards! And no, maybe I shouldn’t be so angry but on the other hand, I have nothing to lose… I have lost it all already….you made sure of that, didn’t you? I don’t have to excuse myself; I don’t have to explain myself to you. You, who think you know it all, so high and mighty, well I tell you, you are no better than I am, not one iota, not one dot, not for one second. I never use to hate….I don’t like hating, but you, well, you’ve driven me to the brink; you’ve gone too far; you’ve pushed me over the edge.

I have had all I can take from you; enough is enough! I know you will never read this (although I am sorely tempted to copy and paste in into an email and send it to you) but you’re not worth it…you’re just not worth it. I have better things to do with my time and apart from which, I don’t bloody well have to explain myself to you, of all people!

Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊 View all posts by Ellie Thompson