Saturday
Well, it’s been a long time, hasn’t it….I’m sorry I’ve not kept in touch for so long. I am….
a) fighting for a computer to use and and still at war with HP over whether they will repair my beloved laptop.
b) having to manage to write when I have the rare opportunity on this thumping old dinosaur that weighs a ton! I’ve called it ‘Triceratops’. I’ve also named my new wheelchair ‘Charlie’ (female)….no idea why that came to mind; I’ve named my stair-lift ‘Brian’ because it’s so slow (after Brian the snail in the Magic Roundabout).
I’ve also been battling with by BPD madness, and my PTSD isn’t great at the moment either. It’s all not being helped by the fact that I have a lot of major changes to deal with at the moment, which have come all at once and I’m really not very good at all when it comes to dealing with change. I’m still in the process of looking to find another church that I will really feel comfortable in so am going to a third new one to visit tomorrow morning. Also, I’m trying to change my Care Company as I am now not happy where I am and they cannot accommodate my needs anymore. This means trying to get it all processed through Social Services who are notoriously slow at doing anything including getting back to me with information I have asked for urgently.
As for my children; well, hard though it may sound and even harder though it may be, I’m slowing giving up any hope that I will see them or my my grandchildren ever again. The six weeks school Summer Holiday has more or less gone by now and so much for the promises to come and see me in that time!! My heart is breaking.
My mobile phone company managed to wipe all my contacts off my phone and then lost the SIM card so I had no way of retrieving any information. I was furious and extremely panicky, having lost all control over my main communication device; (thank you very much, Tesco’s!). Needless to say, I left Tesco’s and joined the ranks of Vodafone who I’m hoping will give me a better quality of service…It can hardly be worse. Now, I just have to remember everyone of those people and friends who were on my mobile list….plus all their phone numbers etc. Anybody got a magic wand laying about that I could borrow for a while?
Sunday
Well, at last good news! I think I’ve found my new spiritual home – a small, family church, tucked away somewhere in the back roads, about half an hour away on my electric wheelchair. I was welcomed so warmly and enjoyed the service so much and found it all very memorable morning. I am so pleased. I feel like a spiritual weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Praise God.
On the downside, I’ve just had a row with the so-called Manager of my Care Company. I am not difficult to please….all I ask for is an early morning call so that I can be up and ready to go to church, college etc. Is that really too much to ask? I’m flexible the rest of the time. It’s so frustrating – yes, I may be very disabled and yes, I have mental health problems but does that really mean I’m not allowed to live a life as near to normal as I am able to and am capable of?!
I loved Summer College….learned so much and made some good new friends. Can’t wait for the Autumn Term to start which begins in two weeks time. I’ve always wanted to go back into a learning environment and this is just what I need at this stage in my life.
Well, I’m off to snuggle up under my nice warm duvet as we are having winter temperatures and it’s still August! Where did summer go? I blinked and missed it. Tomorrow, we have a weather warning in place for heavy rain and gales – typical August Bank Holiday in the UK. Glad I don’t have to go out, apart from which ‘Charlie’ nearly ran out of juice just before I got home this morning. It barely crawled up the hill to my house, limped over the door threshold and protested till I parked it in the hallway and put it on charge. Not much chance of going out till Tuesday then!
I really will try and start looking at some of your blogs again, my blogging friends. I know I have got way behind with all your news and stuff but I hope I haven’t offended anyone and have been wondering how you were all getting on in your lives. It’s good to be back!
Essentially Ellie 
Its good to see you Ellie. I missed your blog entries. Glad you got so much out of college. Sorry about the family situation. LoL about the names for the equipment. Funny stuff. I hope your computer gets fixed soon. XX
Thanks so much for your warm welcome back, my friend xxx
Glad that you’re managing to check in despite all the roaring problems. At least there are some positives in your life —- and I’m happy that you’re taking hope, inspiration and courage from that.
As usual, pick your battles carefully and know that with persistence, things will turn around.
Take care and see you when you are about 🙂
Thank you, Pat. I am trying to keep positive although I have tumbled back into the dark at the moment xxx
Sending you positive light and energy — I know how difficult it can be —crazy see-saw and how much of a struggle it is – drains so much energy. I hope you can find some small spark that helps pull you through and out into warmth, love and light.
(((((((((Ellie)))))))