So much is going on in my life at the moment….so many changes, that I haven’t had time to write my blog for nearly a week which is unlike me. My world has been totally upside-down these last few days. I could sort of see it coming from a distance yet felt powerless to stop it all going on. Sometimes change is necessary, either because it’s out of our hands and something in our lives isn’t right or a change of direction, a detour down an unknown avenue etc has to happen for a reason..

Firstly, at some point, I almost lost my faith, not quite completely but near enough. It didn’t feel good – I felt like a boat drifting in a turbulent sea with no anchor to fasten me to reality. I’ve posted about my faith before. It matters to me although for a while, back there, I felt I had abandoned it or somehow it had abandoned  me. I knew there was still a small spark left but felt completely lost. I’ve spent weeks adrift from my old church and was visiting others in the area where I searching for that place of worship that fulfilled both my spiritual needs and my social ones. My search proved fruitless and I was drifting further and further away from God.

(c) Thomas (Tom) Henry Roskell; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

Running concurrently alongside this was the fact that my Care Agency decided to dump me with only one week’s notice. This wasn’t because I had been rude or abusive in any way, nor because I was a nuisance but because I had a voice and spoke up for myself, assertively but politely and the Manager didn’t like hearing the truth about her failing agency (due to them not taking care of their staff thereby enabling them to do a good job….they just were not given the time and everything had to be done at break-neck speed and therefore not thoroughly). I won’t go into details about the lack of care and respect to myself and my home that I experienced….suffice it to say, it left a hell of a lot to be desired.

Meanwhile, as far as my family life was concerned….no change there! I haven’t seen my children or grandchildren for best part of a year now. Although I am trying my best to come to terms with the fact that this is going to be what my son and daughter want, it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell.

Other changes were afoot also but I won’t go into them here for fear of boring the pants off my readers.

Something needed to change but did I have the courage to deal with it all? It seemed not at the time but apparently (so i’ve been told), I am a strong person despite the fact that I feel like a mouse in a world of lions.

I decided to go back to my old church and although it is not perfect (but then is anything perfect?), I have to say walking back through those doors did feel like ‘coming home’ and I know I have made the right decision, with God’s guidance.

As for my Care Agency, I think it might be for the good after all as I have found a different agency, all be it at short notice, who seem far better and who are starting with me on Monday morning. I’ve met my new carer and we really get on well.

So, I guess it goes to show, change (all be it difficult sometimes) can be for the better. Perhaps…..just perhaps, this is the beginning of a positive upturn to my life and I now for certain that I need God by my side. 🙂

Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊

6 thoughts on “CHANGES…”

  1. I’m glad you’re back – I enjoy reading your blog! It sounds as things have been very hard for you recently. I am constantly amazed by how much variation there is between care agencies and individual carers, and how much it affects my quality of life. I hope that your new PA will be a good fit for you, and that things improve as a result.

    I think that it’s completely natural to question one’s faith when life is so tumultuous. I would be more surprised if you said that you had never wondered why all this bad stuff happens; whether your prayers are heard; if God really exists, and whether (s)he is punishing you, testing you, or teaching you something. I’m glad that you’ve found a church that feels right for you. I hope that you will continue to feel supported and loved, and valued as a member of the church community.

    Sending big hugs to you!

    1. Hi Jo! thank for your kind comments. Hope you are a well as you can be.

      I’ve been up since 6am and am nervously waiting for my new carer to come and praying all goes well. I’ll write about it in my next post. I understand what you say about carers affecting your daily life. It really makes a difference to your day if you have a good carer….I’ve yet to meet the rest of the team. Thanks for understanding my thoughts about Care.

      Church went well yesterday…more people than usual came up to talk to me which was nice. And I really enjoyed the service. My faith is a bit stronger now as a result which I am pleased about (thank you, God).

      Thinking of you,

      Love & Hugs too xxxxxx :/

      1. What a relief! I’ve had mixed experiences of churches over the years, but at their best they can be a wonderful source of support and community; a non-judgemental, loving place for imperfect people to meet together because of grace. I hope that you continue to find encouragement and friendship there!

        Thinking about you and your care. I hope that things are going well…


    1. Thanks Carol anne. I’m just hoping it goes well with my carer this morning. I know that change is often a good thing – nevertheless, it is pretty scary at the time. Hope you are doing ok – I haven’t had a chance to catch up with your blog yet but I will do. Hugs xxx

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