Well…..It’s been a while since I wrote my last blog. I’ve been really down lately and recovering from my accident too. Anyway, I’m on the mend and feeling brighter. In fact I feel pretty good as the end of this week has come and quite a lot of that has to do with a guy at my college called *Jonathan* who is one of our brilliant Peer Support team.
I had a really bad session in our ‘Hearing Voices’ group on Wednesday, basically because ‘my people’ in my head (my voices) were all trying to compete with each other and also all the other students’ experiences of voices being described. The chatting got quite intense and a bit loud at times and ‘Chloe’ got scared and we decided to make a run for it. I just had to get out of there so I left in a daze and can’t really remember coming home in my wheelchair. Once I got, I put into practice some of the Mindfulness techniques I had learned in previous courses at college which really helped calmed me down and quietened my mind which was a considerable relief.
I went back to college on Friday and asked to chat with Jonathan. We went to a quiet room and I talked about everything I was feeling, what the session brought up for me and why I panicked. We shared our experiences which was really valuable and I opened up about some of my past ‘taboo’ issues. I really felt like and knew that Jonathan understood my feelings really well. Our chat became really positive….I shared some of my plans for my future which included doing an Open University course/degree in Psychology which I am currently looking into. I also said that when I’ve done and understood all of my courses there, I would like to become a Peer Support myself. I feel I have a good and kind understanding of other peoples’ feelings and experiences and with a bit of guidance and training, I think I would be pretty good at it and am feeling really optimistic at the thought or helping other students with similar problems to me and working/volunteering in a learning environment. We must have chatted for nearly two hours but Jonathan had really helped to ‘dig me out of my hole’ and left me feeling really positive.
After a mug of coffee, I got together with my friend, *Maddy* who was there, and between us we have been designing our college Christmas card which I really enjoyed. It was a Mixed Media project and I think we achieved our goal. The cards will be printed off to give to all our students and other interested organizations at Christmas. I enjoyed working with Maddy and when our task was complete we felt a real sense of satisfaction. I left college that day feeling ‘just great’ and most of all I felt I had contributed something valuable and that in the context of this big wide world, I did matter. I have a place and a purpose. I may not have many of the things in my life that I would like to have but I so appreciate what I do have and am, today, feeling really good, content, and dare I say it, all things given, that I am happy!
Essentially Ellie 
I’m so glad that you were able to find a way to turn a negative experience into a positive one. Well done and bravo to you Ellie for finding the courage to open up to another and truly voice your concerns and then, to be able to be vulnerable and see that there are others who *do* understand. Even better, it seems to me that sharing the experience, unlike with a therapist (although I’m not knocking therapists generally) is that when some one has been there – and has been able to move forwards – they can offer, it seems to me, concrete proof and evidence that it *is* possible to work through all of our demons. And – added bonus – they can also help you direct and channel your dreams, wishes and hopes into concrete, workable goals. And all because they have lived it – and are more than just “survivors.” 😀
As for your channeling your creativity and sharing this process with another – well done Ellie. You *ARE* a valuable and creative and dynamic person – with unlimited potential. So, treasure this – especially when you’re feeling down and out – and *know* that you are worthy of love – unconditional – and that your value and place in this world – is *truly* special and worthwhile.
Hugs and energy and light to you (((Ellie)))