For those of you who know me well, you will understand, I expect. For those of you who are not familiar with my story, it may be helpful to read a previous post at https://elliethompson.wordpress.com/2015/04/08/the-sting-the-toxin-within/
You may write me down in history With your bitter, twisted lies, You may trod me in the very dirt. But still, like dust, I’ll rise – Maya Angelou.
You will not ‘trod me in the very dirt’ – I will not allow it – I am stronger than you gave me credit for, three years, nine months and eleven days ago, to be exact.
You left me that day, the day my father died. You left me, a whimpering, callow wreck, on the lowest storey – the basement of my life. You left me for dead.
Did you not think that I would survive? Did you honestly think I would perish without your permission to do even as so much as breathe? Honesty? You do not know the meaning of the word.
Well, I tell you now … you have not won; you have not destroyed me as you might have liked to have done. You will see that I mean it when I say ‘justice will be done’. You have no idea what I have in mind for your wicked mentality and your sick soul.
But, I am not a law-breaker, nor a criminal but I am strong. Strong enough now, (no thanks to you) to beat you down with the very authoritarian stick you used against me for those eight years of therapy at your abusive hands. Those hands should have been safe hands. I trusted you, and you betrayed me by almost taking my life.
I have decided to take action, legally and from a moral standpoint. I am lodging a formal complaint about the ‘therapeutic’ abuse that you inflicted on me back then. Do you think that I don’t know that you are still preying on other vulnerable lives – that you still hold your accreditation in your deceitful hands? This situation is so wrong, so very wrong and I will not stand by and see other innocent lives destroyed in your wake.
It will not be easy for me to stand and face you in a court of law and you would never have credited me with the strength to do so back then but I have become strong now. And although I have tears in my eyes, I may bend but I will not break. I will no longer cower in fear at your disapproval.
I claim back that power that you so willingly took from me. I claim it back as my own. I will not shatter like glass. I will not disintegrate in front of your very eyes. No way!
I AM A STRONG WOMAN AND I WILL RISE LIKE A PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES.
11 thoughts on “A STRONGER WOMAN (I WILL RISE)”
Thank you. I hope and intend to continue to be strong as it is a very difficult and long process.
This is a very big and brave step. Do you have representation or someone to advise you about how to present your case? It sounds like this woman deserves to be challenged based on what you said about her before. Although you know the truth about her behavior, you also want to present the facts in a way that will convince whatever body it is you are lodging the complaint with. Does the organization have a website or leaflets that explains how to structure complaints? Since you have been courageous enough to take action, I’m very keen to see you succeed.
Thanks for your support, Bun. It’s a bit of a scary prospect. At the moment, I’m looking at all my options in getting support and advocacy. The organization have sent me 16 documents to read, understand and write statements for. I’ve also got to get evidence from many other people who witnessed what was going on. It’s not going to be easy but I know I can write my blog honestly if I need to express myself in writing. I’ll try not to make it all too grim! 🙂
Well, it sounds like you going about things in a sensible way and know the kind and evidence and witness testimony you will need to make your case as strongly as possible. I wish you the very best of luck with this.
As I said before, it’s brave of you to take this on, but if you don’t, the person concerned could end up doing the same to ing other vulnerable people.
I applaud your strength Ellie – in the face of deepest adversity we can find the strength to rise.
At the time you may not have been able – understandably shattered and broken – but now, you are a rising star – and yes, you can use your strength to do what is right and best for you – no matter how daunting – and if it can save one life – one person who has been so sucked into the twisted means and ways of one entrusted by a huge responsibility – then the journey – the process you now have to undergo – the re-living in some ways of your personal hell – it will bring you peace – and closure; for you – and perhaps for others who have not been able to find the strength or courage or means just yet.
Be well, safe, strong and remember to follow through as best you can – with your now healthy support staff and carers … because you are, as I’ve said, a rising star – and your light will shine.
Light, love and prayers Ellie
Thank you, Pat. I don’t quite know what to make of myself sometimes, strange though they might sound. I can be strong on the outside – strong in defence of others but I’m not so sure I have the same passion or compassion for myself.
One day, I will feel really strong and ready to take on the world and then the next day (as yesterday was), I crumble into an enormous heap of nothingness and the world is a scary place. I find it I get angry with myself alongside being angry with the perpetrator. Today is an odd day. I saw my current therapist this morning and it seems I won’t be able to continue to see her if I go ahead with this complaint.
Love to you, Pat, Hugs,
Sorry … the “what?” is directed at the line – if you continue on with the “complaint” [seems to be this is a huge honking issue that needs to be addressed for crying out loud] you won’t be able to see your current therapist?
How is this a – I presume – conflict of interest?
Ohhh it’s times like this when I fly into a raging fury at a system that protects the perps and does nothing for the victims! [right – I shouldn’t be flying off the handle until I actually know why – but I have a stinking sinking suspicion this is it?]
As for the ups and downs – I totally get that Ellie – it’s this constant self-battle — yes I can and am able to help myself – be strong – get through this – then the fall is a plunge into the pit of hell – no I can’t – I’m too tired and can’t cope any more – and so it cycles and cycles. And maybe it wouldn’t be so damn difficult if it wasn’t such an extreme from one feeling to the next – but it’s almost as if we are hyper-sensitive to everything …. and yes, we can and most often will jump to help and defend others – but we are slow to actually recognize the need for ourselves – and much less willing to actually do anything about it when it does happen – and sometimes, I have to wonder, speaking for myself here – whether it’s a purposeful attempt to simply not allow myself to really feel all the anger and pain and anguish – because even on a so-so day – it seems too unbearable – and for as many times as I can hit the wall – I’m so afraid of really just hitting the wall – what if there is no one there to help me up? And therein lies the absolute irony – there is no one there anyhow …. so who would care? *shrugging*
anyhow … enough dribble drabble about me ….
stay as strong as you can – find breathing room – and look to the small things that help ease the ache – that help give you strength – and most importantly – honour yourself –
sending you light love and prayers Ellie
My dear friend, Pat … I want, first to reply to your line, “And therein lies the irony – there is no-one there anyhow … so who would care?” I am here and I care very much about you although I know we live an ocean apart. If I could reach over the water, I would hug you so tight, all the pain would go away even if just for an instant. Hitting the wall is scary, if not terrifying especially when you find yourself in a place where you can’t find the strength to help yourself up. I would stretch out an arm to you, my friend, and help you up.
As for me … yes, your suspicion is right – I’ve been told that it is ‘a conflict of interest’, given that my old therapist (JG) used to work for the same organization as my present one. I expect that the organization may have to answer a few difficult questions, such as … why, for God’s sake, didn’t they report JG for theft etc as when she left there so abruptly, just after my dad died (the day she walked out on me) and all my official notes disappeared at the same time! Coincidence? … I think, not.
I am all over the place at the moment, hence the contrast in this post and my recent one. I’m swinging from fear and seething anger and wondering if I’m really ready to take on the fight to get justice to then overflowing joy because I’m going to spend Christmas day with my son (a first) when I always spend it alone.
I’m scared of the drastic highs and lows, I have to admit – they are so out of control … and I don’t ‘do’ out of control very well.
You have to try and stay strong too and hang on in there especially if you’re experiencing a shitty Christmas. I am sending much love to you, my friend and am keeping you in my heart. Please do email me over Christmas if things get too unbearable for you. I check my emails every day and will always reply promptly if that would help. Christmas hugs winging their way to you right now … quick, catch them all and keep them safe.
With Love, Ellie xxx ❤
I gratefully acknowledge that there are people who do care – like you Ellie 🙂
And yes, oceans apart yet we can connect and I too return the light, love and prayers to you ….
So the story behind the story … and certainly, there are far too many “oddities” that add up to conceal the truths – which you are seeking to bring to light. Of course this means that you have a very tough decision to make – and well – perhaps just being able to step back and away – for a bit – letting it rest “unattended” – may help you know exactly what to do. I suspect there will be time enough to decide – after the new year walks through the door. And perhaps letting it – or at least trying – to let it lie without being so caught in the “yes – I need to do this ” and now “but what will I now do” and then the “up down utterly mad [crazy] cycle” just might give you the breathing space you need.
Spending time with your son for Christmas – that is indeed a gift 🙂 And unfortunately such awful circumstances brought it to this – and even as it continues to unfold – I would say, step back, try to relax – and just ease into each other’s company – and find comfort and peace, as best as you can.
And so, since it is well already the 24th for you – and there are things to do [yes?] – well I wish you and your family so much peace, light, love and blessings Ellie …. I really hope you can spend time together and that this is a new beginning to something far more positive and healthier and healing for all of you.
Light, love, and trans-Atlantic hugs Ellie xxxx
oh yes, I did forget to mention – the video clip – so very inspired and beautiful – and uplifting my friend – so thank you 🙂