[I’ve been trying to write this post for the last ten days and struggling with the very powerful emotions attached to it. It’s an alternative view and a different way of thinking about the post I wrote exactly two weeks ago, entitled ‘A Stronger Woman (I Will Rise)‘. This alternative view, which has been brought to mind by a very close friend is about forgiveness and moving on].
The following image came to my attention …
I was also touched by the following brief quote:
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
– Buddha
My anger, hatred and bitterness, although directed at this woman, this therapist who was so abusive, *JG, is not affecting her as the perpetrator in any way – she is completely oblivious to how I feel. By holding onto these feelings and fueling the fire within me, I am indeed the individual who gets burned, and badly so.
I’ve written several posts about *JG in my blogging days, and now I ask myself, “Am I going down the wrong path? Should I be changing tack?”. Perhaps, forgiveness is the key to my door to freedom. Perhaps, I am tying rocks to my feet by remembering, raging and allowing this fury to burn a crater inside of me, and perhaps, they are too heavy for my wings to carry, as the above image illustrates.
The other tack, being forgiveness, is not done for the person who caused the harm but for the person who has been wronged and who is the one suffering. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It’s also done in faith, and The Lord’s Prayer quotes in the bible:
Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.
– Bible
Perhaps, I need to talk to one of the Ministers at my church for advice on this subject although I think I already know the answer.
I have thought that maybe it would be a good idea to start afresh with a new counsellor, bearing in mind that my current therapist works for the same organization as *JG did. This fact means that I am going back to the same building over and over again, as I have been for nearly twelve years now (which only serves as a continual reminder of what happened there).
I am aware that this post is written from an entirely different angle to the post mentioned above but this new train of thought doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate all your relative and kind comments. They are still relevant and appreciated as I don’t know how long this new train of thought will stay current in my head? (Those of you who have known me for years will know that I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which means I can be very impulsive. This ‘condition’ also means that I am super-sensitive, caring of others but very critical of myself). However, I am not ‘mad’ or incapable of rational thought as some people assume (and I make clear that I am not referring to any of my blogging friends, potential ‘likers’ or ‘commenters’, all of whom I treasure).
Finally, I leave you (and myself) with this image:
Essentially Ellie 
I was interested to read your post, Ellie. Just to make sure I understand clearly, are you saying that you are now thinking about getting a counsellor who works at a different building from the one called JG? If it’s possible to do that, I can see how it might be a good idea.
I’m not sure about the best next step in your situation. In general, I think forgiveness is a more positive emotion than rage. I’ve almost always regretted my decisions later when acting purely from the latter. Whatever you do, though, I think it is very important to get advice from other people with relevant knowledge.
You were thinking about bringing a formal complaint before, so at that time I thought legal advice was important. From what you say now, though, it may be that spiritual counselling from a minister may be of more value. Either way, I think it is important to get advice from other’s who have the relevant details. That is likely to lead to a more satisfactory course of action in the end. What seemed like a great idea what it was just floating around in my head, sometimes seems rather less good when I begin trying to explain it to someone else in detail.
Thank you, Bun, for taking the time to reply so fully – I very much appreciate that.
My current counsellor who I do like very much is based at the same building as JG used to be at. JG left after she walked on me the day my father died! Strangely enough, all my notes went missing on the same day! It doesn’t take a lot to work out where they have gone, of course! Guilt, perhaps? I am actually having a meeting with the Manager of the organization on the 4th January to ask them why this wasn’t followed up on by them as her ex-employer and to ask a few other pertinent questions as well. I should have done this when it all happened but somehow couldn’t bring myself to ruffle the feathers which I am aware I will, no doubt, be doing on the 4th. This may well make it difficult to continue with my counsellor anyway and as difficult as it will be, I may have to do this for my own sake. I will talk to the BACP (the organization I originally got the advice from about lodging a formal complaint) to clarify my situation further.
I spoke to someone from my church yesterday and also to my sister in Australia who is a Christian, both of whom get me valuable advice and opinions which I am taking into account and I will speak to one of the Ministers on Sunday, after the service.
I realize that acting on my first impulse isn’t always necessarily the right thing to do, especially when I am very angry or upset. I’m also aware that there may yet be a further solution arise that I hadn’t considered but am not aware of as yet.
I have a lot of talking and thinking to do, I’ve decided, before I jump in with both feet and take sudden action before I have considered all the options.
Thank you so much for your support, my friend – it is both valued and appreciated, Ellie x
Well, from what you say, it certainly seems to me that you’ve thought out your future actions very carefully and been careful to get a great deal of relevant advice and guidance about how best to approach things. I think that’s the most sensible way to go about it.
I wish you the best of luck with your meeting on the the 4th and with whatever other steps you take subsequently. Oh, and by the way, Happy New Year! 😀
Thank you. And a happy new year to you also, Bun x 🙂
Ellie it’s all very well to forgive and I applaud your courage and bravery and strength to want to forgive her, but I would still bring a formal complaint against her. She got a way with it and that is not right. She shouldn’t have abused you and abused your trust like that. Please think about it. Sending hugs your way
Thanks for replying, Carol anne. I would be not so much forgiving JG’s admittedly appalling actions for her benefit at all – as you say, she doesn’t deserve it. It would be more a case of forgiving for me to be able to let go of the anger and rage that is scalding my insides.
The damage she did when I was seeing her, affected my behaviour so much that it came between me and my children which is what started the rift between us. This has begun to very slowly heal and of course, that means the world to me.
If I go ahead and take formal action, the stress involved in it will almost certainly affect my mental health in a negative way which would then open up the rift between myself and my children again. I have to ask myself, is she, JG, worth risking that for – no, she doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of doing that to me again.
Going down the spiritual path isn’t easy either and will require a lot of thought and work and advice and may yet, not be the answer. I am unsure but feel that this must be a more positive route to take than to go with the anger, rage and bitterness which doesn’t come naturally to me. If I can work on strengthening my faith, I will then be able to hand the situation over to God and know that He will deal with her when the time is right.
I am still having to carefully consider all my options and as you say, I need to think about it more rather than rush into anything. Thank you for your much appreciated hugs, my friend and I am sending hugs to you too and hoping that this New Year is a happy, healthy and content one. Love Ellie xxx