GUNNING FOR A FIGHT

gun to head

This is just an immature little ditty that was all that I could muster tonight, having wanted and needed to come up with something a bit more intelligent to express my feelings. I failed abysmally. My BPD and my mental health are totally unpredictable just lately. I hate it when it’s like that because I’ve just had another  of those days where I just want to take a gun to my head …

Is everyone alright
if I give up the fight
just ‘cos I’m tired
of hurting tonight

I’m just having a ball
when I’m playing the fool
whilst I laugh through the pain
Look! I’m good at it all

So, you think it’s not true
that I’m feeling so blue
I’ll try and convince you
but I’m kidding me too

And it’s really not fine
that I don’t feel divine
just being ignored
by supposedly mine

I am knotted inside
and the tears have I cried
would fill up an ocean
a thousand miles wide

I wish I were sleeping
but to Hades, I’m creeping
I know I am destined
It’s a secret I’m keeping

So I hope it’s alright
if I give up the fight
just ‘cos I’m tired
of fighting tonight.