Suddenly, the stark realisation that I don’t have a best friend in the world hit me like a bolt of lightning from the sky. Not only do I not have a best friend but sadder still, I don’t think I have truly ever had a real, best buddy.
I have many social relationships and acquaintances – college friends, church friends, Facebook friends, blogging friends, neighbours, work colleagues, family members, and no doubt many people who I have not mentioned here, but none of these would I class as my bosom pal.
This realisation hits hard as I can’t help but wonder why this is. Is there something about me that no-one is telling me? Perhaps, I do have green ears and a purple tail (as one of my blogs was entitled a couple of years ago). Is there is something about me that I can’t see but others can?
As far as I know, I am a nice person (whatever ‘nice’ is). I don’t deliberately lie, nor cheat or steal. I am trustworthy. I like to go out of my way to be kind to people and to try not to hurt anyone purposely – not simply because it’s the right thing to do (in my eyes), but because that is how I genuinely feel. ‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you’, I always say. I’m also a great believer in ‘Praise where praise is due’and ‘Kindness costs nothing’.
I was the same at both primary and grammar school. I never had friends, even then. I used to spend break-times sitting on a wall, wistfully watching while the other children playing, or when I was a bit older, I’d stand like a wallflower on the perimeter of the playground, too shy to go up to anyone in the vain hope that someone might spot me and even consider me as a friend. Maybe, it was because I was very small (and quiet) for my age so I got bullied quite a lot. I just didn’t to seem to gel with my peers.
As I grew up and when my children were little in Nursery or the early years of school, I plucked up the courage to exchange a few words to a few of the mums also waiting outside to pick their children up. However, I think I was thought of as a bit of a leper once my ex-husband left, leaving me with the children who were still young then. It just wasn’t the done thing back in the 80’s (showing my age!). I think I was, at that time, the only single-parent family in the whole of the Infants.
When my children were at secondary school, I had to work my socks off, caring and cleaning for elderly people – anything to make ends meet. Fortunately, I’ve always enjoyed the company of older people and I did like my work. Some of the clients I’d go to would let me bring the children during the holidays. Tom and Clare treated it like an outing as we’d go armed with colouring books, jigsaws and Snap or Ludo which they all enjoyed playing together and which, invariably, my clients would let the children win.
So, I think with me, and ‘friends’ or even acquaintances, it’s a case of you win some you lose some and even the ‘some’ are often like ships that pass in the night. But, am I lonely? No, actually, I’m not. I like my independence (all be it that I need Carers twice a day) and I do generally enjoy my own company and having time to read, study and write etc. I get to choose what I want to eat and what I don’t want, I get to decide whether to watch TV or listen to music. The majority of the time I get to choose when to venture into town or further afield with George (my wheelchair) and best of all, I get to hog the duvet without any arguments 🙂
Essentially Ellie 
Sometimes we are our own best friends x
Thank you, Monique 🙂 xx
Some of us are just naturally shy, I suppose. I am, and I had to do quite a lot of work on myself to become even faintly sociable. I still avoid crowds and parties like the plague. It has a lot to do with lack of confidence. Perhaps you are similar, Ellie?
I’m very similar, Mick. I’ve always been shy and quiet even back in primary school. Confidence has never been my strong point. Parties … I wouldn’t go near one if you paid me 🙂
I’m with you there, then, Ellie.
I admit to having no medical qualifications, but I’d be very surprised to learn that you have green ears and a purple tail. I think it’s much more likely that you were a bit shy at school and somewhat lacking in confidence. After all, I didn’t have any best friends during my childhood either, and my tailless status was beyond question.
You’re right, Bun. I had a good look in the mirror this morning (something I try not to make a habit of) and was quite surprised to discover there was indeed no purple tail. I definitely lack confidence – I have done so since childhood, like yourself. I’m pleased to hear that you are tailless too 🙂
That’s great! I’m very relieved. We tailless types have to stick together. 🙂
I’m sorry you don’t feel you have a best friend because you certainly are very friendly! That’s ok too though you do have many friends as you pointed out, and you are very independent! xoxo
Thanks. Carol anne. Yes, you are right – at least I can get out and about when I want to and I’m thankful for that xxx