Having not having written regularly for some time due to family circumstances, I suddenly find myself writing again and recently this and the previous post (poem), both of which have a lot of meaning for me, are very serious topics.
As those of you who have known me for a while will be aware, I had, some years ago, an emotionally abusive and very damaging relationship with a therapist (who I am no longer with). This affected my mental health hugely and I was hospitalised for a while following this ending.
I still carry a lot of anger about this although I have tried to deal with it in my current counselling. I wrote this poem which I feel, is certainly ‘telling’ of what was happening during those years with her and why I am finding it hard to deal with my anger and find forgiveness as I, perhaps, as I should for my own benefit.
I lie amongst the shadows
The new born of the old
Such innocence destroyed
Yet, none of this foretold
~~~
The tales we spun together
Which she led me to believe
Magnified reality
Their purpose to deceive
~~~
The I Ching books and Angel Cards
Were poetry in motion
* William Blake’s descriptions
Assured of my devotion
~~~
My identity was stolen
Soon a puppet on a string
I learned to tell more stories
And I wrote of everything
~~~
She pulled me to her bosom
She offered me affection
A love I thought forever
Then came the cruel rejection
~~~
I wonder where she came from
As she led me down the lane
Leaving me abruptly
In excruciating pain
- The reference to William Blake refers to the fact that his book, ‘Songs of Innocence and Experience’ was the poetry book that JG gave me as the first of many gifts.
It has taken me a great deal of courage to write this and I know much can be read into this poem so if you have any comments or views, I will happy to reply to them. Thank you for taking the time to read this, Ellie.
Essentially Ellie 