I’m in an awful situation, a predicament in fact, that I cannot escape, no matter how hard I try. I am doomed to failure through my own success. Death would be a very welcome end for me. I fear the devil and going to hell, but I know that our God is a forgiving God and I know that I will surely confess my sins and will do so honestly and willingly. Apart from which, our God is an all-knowing God.
I am a chameleon … a woman of many disguises. I mould myself to be whoever you wish me to be. My being lives only in your imagination. I have no peace or harmony within my mind. I just have a very toxic brain and equally toxic thoughts. I am an imposter … Ellie, yes … but somehow, I appear to be a very skewed version of my very soul.
I am a master of disguise, a keeper of secrets, living a life of self-deception. I figured I knew my very essence, but I was just kidding myself. It would take a very experienced private investigator to fathom me out at my most raw and vulnerable, to expose the very core of me. I feel unclean and wretched … contaminated is a word I have used more times than I can count to describe myself.
I’m a shadow in a mirror. I am a stranger you may pass in the street. I am both the spider that spins the web and also the fly which is caught helplessly in the centre of it all. Jagged glass has nothing on me … come too near, and you will surely be wounded by the shards.
Therefore, approach if you wish but only with extreme caution and entirely at your own risk. I can damage hearts, not willingly or intentionally but inadvertently.
I am what I am, and I detest that fact with a passion so fierce that I could be the ignitor of the very flames of hell themselves. I am what I am … or am I??
Translates as “I am broken but don’t want to hurt you with my pieces.”
4 thoughts on “TRAPPED WITH BROKEN PIECES”
hugs ellie. i know its not easy. you are not contaminated though. you are a kind caring compassionate person. god wont send you to hell. sending hugs to you. xoxo ❤
Oh, Carol anne … thank you for having more faith in me than I have in myself at the moment. Thank you too, so much, for the hugs. They are really needed right now. Lots of love, Ellie xxxxx ❤
Being broken doesn’t make you a bad person, Ellie. Sending hugs, too.
Thank you so much, Mick. I doubt myself so much when I’m not very well as at the moment. Hopefully, I’ll be back to writing something more uplifting before long. Thank you too, for the much needed and appreciated hugs, Ellie x