I’ve come to the awful realisation that my life revolves around my internet addiction. I’m ashamed to say that it’s now a need rather than a want and it’s become more than an interest or even a necessity to enable me to function adequately. I’m mortified that when I have guests, sometimes I can’t wait for them to leave or I finish a phone call to a friend prematurely so that I can feed my addiction and that’s just awful and plainly unacceptable.
When I first wake in the morning, I should be thinking about getting out of bed before my Carer arrives to help me get showered and dressed, and perhaps, thinking about whether to have Cornflakes or muesli for my breakfast. Instead of that, my first thought is that I’ve got to get up because I need to go and check my email accounts and log into my Facebook page and if I can’t justify that then I’ll check my Amazon order to see whether it’s going to be delivered today or tomorrow. Better still, I could take a look at my bank account details hoping I will find the balance is black rather than red.
I bring up my WordPress blog and sit, staring at the screen. I’m racking my brains for a topic to write my next post about yet my mind is completely blank, so I find myself casually wandering off to my Twitter account (not that I’ve quite got the grasp of how Twitter works yet). I come back to my blog because I want to read my fellow blogger’s latest posts. But, I often fail at that too because of the incessant need to get my next fix of scrolling across the screen or tapping on the keys.
Just lately, I haven’t been feeling too great (I’m getting over a persistent viral infection) and have spent far too much time online, wandering from page to page, so much so that my right index finger is sore and aching from clicking my mouse and scrolling up and down the page. How sad is that?
In the evening, after my Carer has left and I’ve had my tea and got my pyjamas on, I ought to be thinking about going to bed. I tell myself that I’ll just spend five more minutes surfing the net. But, I don’t do that – it turns into ten minutes and then fifteen and before I know it, an hour has passed. I start nodding off – my forehead nearly hitting the keyboard.
I’ve really got to go to bed as I have to be up early in the morning. Why do I have to get up so early the next morning? Not because I need to let the cat out or I really should make that international phone call. I don’t have those excuses – I don’t have a cat and the time difference between my friend and me means she will still be asleep in bed. No – I need to get up that early because my addiction to the internet means I have to connect to my laptop and start the whole damn process again.
Essentially Ellie 
Oh, you’re not the only one, Ellie. I fear we all spend far too much time on it. I find it a terribly good way to procrastinate and avoid doing whatever i really should be doing. On the other hand, of course, without it we wouldn’t be chatting to each other.
Very true, Mick – we wouldn’t be having this conversation, as you say and I must admit I would miss my blogging buddies if you and they weren’t part of my life. After all, you probably know more of my innermost thoughts than some of my ordinary friends.
As for procrastinating, that’s one of my most finely-honed skills! I say, “always put off till tomorrow what I could have done today”.
Interesting point, that, Ellie. I think we do sometimes open up more to people we talk to online. I see it as a bit like talking to a stranger when you are far from home, and you know you will never come across them again. There is a certain freedom to reveal things in the knowledge that the people we actually see on a day to day basis are unlikely to hear about it. A lack of accountability, almost.
So much of what is one the internet is deliberately designed to be addictive. I think the only solution is to turn the darned thing off now and then, no matter what!
Thanks for your comment, Ann. I do agree with you that the web is very addictive and that’s what the people at the top and the companies running the websites want because I think, ultimately, it comes down to power and money.
I do spend far too long ‘surfing’ – I know I have too much time on my hands (particularly, during college and uni holiday breaks) and I expect many people would like to be in the same position, but it’s not always a blessing.
However, I really do need to find my willpower – but I can’t remember where I last left it! 🙂
I know just what you mean about the addictive nature of the Internet, Ellie. I too have become rather worried about the possible dangers of spending too long web surfing. In fact, I’ve been on Google for the last 16 hours reading up on it.
Oh, Hi Bun – How lovely to see you back! Thank you for your comment. I can see you haven’t lost your wonderful sense of humour while you’ve been away. I think you ought to get a new job being a scriptwriter for comedy programs – you could make your fortune that way 🙂
Why, thank you very much, Ellie.I’d love to be a scriptwriter. It’d be nice to work for someone who appreciated my work being laughable.
Well I guess it is very much a reflection of the times… We are all addicted are we not? Just in varying forms. Because I live far from friends and family the internet is my connection to them… be it email or facebook or instagram or skype, I can stay connected, stay in touch and that matters.
Peta
Thanks for your comment, Peta. I, too, live a long way from my family and many of my friends who are all over the world and the country so I also keep in touch, sometimes by telephone, but most often email and Facebook. My sister lives on the other side of the planet but refuses to Skype although she will occasionally use Facetime which she finds preferable for some reason.
And yes, I agree – we are all addicted to something; I think to different things, (as you say), at different times. I guess internet addiction is a lesser worry than many other forms, but it’s all a matter of degree. I’m just not sure that my constant internet use is all that good. I think, if I were to be separated from my computer, I would have serious withdrawal symptoms – we are, rather unhealthily, connected by an umbilical cord … Ellie x
I have to make rules for myself for things I want to do too much, to impose some structure and help myself regain a more balanced life. Don’t know if that will help, but I thought I’d toss it out there. 🙂
Thank you for commenting, Cathleen. Thanks for the tip, also. When I find myself getting too involved in internet activities, perhaps, I really should think about spending some time on my art instead. That pastime does get sorely neglected at times, and once I get involved in doing that, I really do enjoy it. I do manage to discipline myself enough to get down to the gym regularly and generally get out of the house. I think, at the moment, I do have too much time on my hands as it is the summer break from college and university so everything there stops. I will be glad when the new term begins – that’ll keep me out of mischief 😉
I guess to an extent it’s a fairly healthy addiction. I’ve had far worse 😂
Have I said something wrong or anything?