Yesterday, while clearing out some cupboards, right at the back, I came across one of the books I wrote in 2011, published in 2012. Although it was mostly poetry which I generally enjoy writing, it was at a time in my life when I was in a dreadful state, mentally, physically and emotionally. I’d written about all the trauma I’d experienced, which devoured my childhood and teenage years, and about an extremely damaging and abusive experience I had with a therapist, which totally messed me up, consuming a further eight years of my life as an adult. To numb the pain and unbearable feelings, I turned to drink and to drugs. I alienated my entire family and my friends also. I’m glad you didn’t know me back then – I wasn’t a nice person to be around during those desperate years.
So, why am I writing this post now? I know I didn’t need to, but I have done because I feel there was a reason that I found that book yesterday, and that was that it’s my tenth anniversary of being clean and sober (on the 27th of April). I finally got help at a local drug and alcohol rehab centre in my city and with a decent, boundaried counsellor. I have an awful lot of gratitude for those people who helped me in my recovery. They also say that time is a great healer, and I believe this is true in my case. I never thought, back then, that I’d ever be able to move on with my life. I’m very thankful.
I can now celebrate my life and appreciate it for what it is – not perfect but very acceptable. I have my family back in my life, and that’s worth its weight in gold to me. I have new friends (and a couple of old ones) who love me and take me as I am. I was a lot to put up with back then, but now, I make sure to value them all and tell them how much I love them. I don’t take my life for granted anymore. I’ve got my home, my security, my cat, Peanut, food in the cupboard, a comfy bed to sleep in and most importantly, I have peace of mind.
Now, what to do with my book?