Well, that was a blow! It’s Sunday afternoon. I’ve just had a very long phone call with my son, Tom. He was married about 16 years ago and had two children, but that didn’t work out, and he split up with Karen after ten miserable years together. Since then, he’s been in a relationship with a woman called Kim, but that’s not working out either (after six years). Tom and Kim had bought a big house between them as Tom has got my two youngest grandchildren, aged nine and seven. I call them my ‘little ones’ because my daughter and son-in-law have ‘my girls’ who are older. Kim has three much older girls still living at home. As a Mum, I sensed something was wrong quite some time ago. I hadn’t said anything, but Tom just called to say they’re definitely splitting up. The house will have to be sold.
Tom had a question to ask me. In fact, it was a huge ask. He said the big house would have to be sold so that he and Kim could afford to each find somewhere smaller for themselves. Until then, he can’t stay in the house with Kim as they’re not getting on well at all.
“Can the children and I come and stay with you for a few months, please?” I wasn’t expecting that! I’ve been living alone very happily for many years, and as much as I’d love to see more of them, I need and enjoy my space and privacy. I like that it gives me plenty of time to do some studying and writing. What on Earth do I say? We talked at length; “Can I think about this for a couple of days, please, Tom”? Tom was willing to do that, naturally. I love them all very dearly, but suddenly going from living alone to having the house occupied by family will be a bit of a shock, to say the least.
There’ll be a whole heap of things that will have to happen first if I agree. They’ll have to sleep in the spare room and the junk storage room. They’ll need clearing out, decorating, carpeting and new beds and furnishings to make it habitable. They haven’t been touched for decades. The garage will have to be cleared of ‘stuff’ so that Tom has some space to store furniture etc. It’s going to be chaos. I hate having decorators in because of all the mess too.
I’ve now got a couple of days to think about all this. I really don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s come like a bolt out of the blue. Tom is an adult, so I didn’t ever expect to be playing the role of Mum again. I’m not sure I can go ahead with it, but what else do I do?
Essentially Ellie 
Oh Ellie.
Welcome to my world.
I brought up two of my grandkids from tiny to school leaving age.
Also had two of my grandsons for five years.
It was tough.
But it was also very rewarding.
Because of it I have a good relationship with most of them.
Most important piece of advice.
Keep your sense of humour.
And, feel free to e-mail me if you need to vent.
Aww … Granny. You truly did have your hands full for a long time, didn’t you? You should be proud of yourself for coping with all those children and doing a good job of it, too; I’ve no doubt. How on Earth did you find time to write your blog, or didn’t you have one back then? I love my two little ones to bits, but after living alone and being free to do what I like when I like, it will come as a big shock, especially as I’ve lived alone for over 20 years! Whether I get time to continue to write my blog and do my coursework remains to be seen. That may sound selfish, but my writing and studying are important to me. However, I would like to build a stronger relationship with the children, and I hope, when the time comes and they move in, I’ll be able to keep my sense of humour, as you say. Humour goes a long way, doesn’t it? Thanks very much for the offer to email you. I might just do that – it’s very kind of you to say that that would be okay.
Hey, I also want to mail you.
I am connected to a few bloggers outside wp and I would like to connect with you for ideas and stuff. 🙂
Thank you for asking me, Devang. I am flattered and appreciate your support and communication with me. However, at the moment, I’m having trouble thinking of topics to write about for my blog. I write from my heart but don’t think I could come up with ideas for someone else’s blog at present, particularly with my family issues happening right now. It’s really very kind of you to ask me, and I hope you’ll understand my situation. If you want to contact me away from this page, you will find a message form on my ‘contact me’ page – you are welcome to do that, and, naturally, I will reply. Thanks again. Ellie
Oh my, Ellie! Talk about a major change. Feeling for you, very much.
Thanks so much, Stacey. That’s very kind of you. I appreciate it. It will be a significant upheaval, to say the least. There is an awful lot to think about and discuss yet. I love my grandchildren so much and would really enjoy seeing more of them, but full-time? I’m not sure yet. However, I can’t just turn them away either. Thanks again. Ellie x
Well, it’s totally your decision but you need to listen to your heart.
If you say no to tom, will you be satisfied after that? And will you be happy??
If you say yes, how can you manage with everything?
Maybe you need a change of pace, maybe not!
As a fellow blogger, I suggest you (humbly) that you can try change of environment if it’s for a while. That Change of environment will effect your writing in a postive manner.
Thanks very much. Devang. It’s a lot to think about yet. If I have to say no to Tom, I will, of course, be sad, but on the other hand, I’m not sure I can cope with having two boisterous and busy children living with me. I love them very dearly and enjoy seeing them so much, but full-time is quite a different thing. I’m not sure how it would affect my writing both with my blog and also my coursework. There is still a lot to get my head around and still a lot to talk about. Thank you very much for your suggestions though. Ellie
I couldn’t see this blog in the reader. Good thing I got an email about your new posts. Maybe I need Unfollow and then follow back, I don’t know what WP wants.
How strange. I just took a quick look on reader too, but I could see my post there, so wonder if it’s something wrong at your end. Mind you, with so many blogs being posted in the reader, it’s easy enough to miss one. I’m glad you get an email when I post, though. I do with yours also. Thanks for letting me know that you couldn’t see it there anyway.
It’s not a problem with your blog but actually it’s wp issue!!
Others said the same thing about my blogs.
I’m following very limited people, I care about your content a lot I want to read them post-haste.
I will ask someone if unfollowing and following me back worked for them.
Ouch. From what you say, it sounds like your house is too small for two adults and two small children. If I were in your shoes, I’d have a heart-to-heart with Tom. I’d point this out, explain how torn I felt, and suggest that the best way forward might be for him to rent accomodation (perhaps near you, so that you can help more easily, and get to know your ‘little ones’ better) until his house is sold. If he can’t afford that, I’d offer to loan him the money he needs in the interim (to be paid back when his house is sold).
Thanks, PeNdantry. My house is a bit small for so many people. I’ve got to have another long conversation with Tom as I was thinking, during the night, of suggesting that he rents somewhere. I am very torn though as I love my son and the children so dearly that I’d love to see more of them. But, perhaps, not all the time. Unfortunately, I don’t have any spare finances to lend him the money necessary for him to do that. Thanks for the idea though.
I haven’t had a chance to read your comment to me from yesterday because of all this happening yesterday too. I will do that today though. I appreciate your advice and suggestions.
No problem, Ellie. As for my missive yesterday: you have bigger fish to fry at present. One of my mottoes is ‘no rush’!
Thanks for understanding so well, PeNdantry. I will catch up with that message when I can, though. You always have valuable suggestions in your notes, and I appreciate that. Thanks again.
Well I clicked ‘like’ but that’s more of a marking saying ‘I was here.’ It’s an unlikeable situation. I won’t burden you with advice. This is your decision not mine and I think further complicated by your disability. I feel for you. Damned either way, and lots of pressure to make a decision that honors everyone involved. Which ever way you go, best of luck to you.
Hi Jeff. Thanks for saying you were here – I appreciate it. It certainly is a complicated situation. My last few words, “but what else do I do?” were aimed at myself rather than any readers that might read my post. I wasn’t expecting any solutions to be offered. Only I can make those. I’m grateful for your comment and understanding, though. My disability will complicate things, but I don’t really see it as an obstacle. I can manage most things independently, and very little beats me these days. Tom and I need to have further conversations before anything is decided for definite. That said, I can’t possibly see them out on the streets, not that it’ll come to that. I hope my post doesn’t come across as being selfish. It’s just that I’ve been on my own for such a long time; it will be a very drastic change.
Regarding your disability, what I was thinking of is that I imagine you move a bit slower to accommodate your lack of mobility. So much easier to do that alone than with others around you moving at their own pace. This was brought painfully to mind this weekend when I was hanging out with family and my brother and I were trying to rescue my father from a rain storm. Mentally, I move very deliberately, and when that needs to mesh up with someone else’s pace, I come off looking pretty bad. I don’t think selfish. It sounds like there’s a lot to get done in a really short period of time, and then ongoing disruption for an undesignated amount of time. Scary to say the least.
Yes, you’re right, Jeff. I guess I do move about more slowly than others much of the time. There is a heck of a lot to do before they can move in. I hardly know where to start. I hope you managed to get your father out of the storm safely. I know what you mean about trying to mesh up with someone else’s pace. My mind is willing, but the body often says something else entirely! Thank you for not thinking me selfish. It means a lot. I’ll probably be writing a post about having the decorators in soon! At least, it’ll get it out of my head. Thanks again, Jeff.
wow! super exciting changes , whatever you decide I’m sure they’ll be respectable – isn’t that like -life the minute we get comfortable… blessings to you Ellie you got this 😊💜🌹
Thank you for having faith in me, Krissy. I’m still a bit shell-shocked at the prospect. I know they will definitely be respectful as they always are, but it will be a huge change for me with very little time to write either my blog or do my coursework. I think I’ve become addicted to my blog as so much of the time, all I think about is writing! I’m still at the stage of thinking about it all and having further discussions with my son, Tom. Time will tell, I think … .💙💛💚💜
What is up with such long relationships not working out? That sucks.
I feel sorry for your son and his kids, but I also definitely understand where you’re coming from. I hope you all find a suitable solution soon. The good news is that houses seem to be sold pretty quickly recently, so he should have some money in hand soon. (That’s true for the US, not sure if the housing market is the same in the UK.)
I think, these days, separation and divorce are made easier. It used to be a battle between the two parties, with one having to prove the other a ‘bad egg’ in one way or another. Now, divorce is possible without the need to fling dirt everywhere (or at the ex-partner). That’s not to say all break-ups are that amicable – no doubt, far from it. It’s the children who are caught in the middle of the relationships I feel sorry for.
Thanks for being understanding of the situation. I think houses sell more quickly now, which can only be good for Tom and the children. It will undoubtedly be a different way of life for me (and them) until they find somewhere permanent. It will, however, be nice to see more of them. Time will tell.
Oh my, Ellie, this is a hard decision you need to work out. How sad for Tom and the children.
I’m sure you’ll come up with the best THINK. I’ll be praying for you. Xoxo
Thank you so much, Selma. I appreciate that. Currently, there has been a hold up with selling Tom’s house, and although he and the children will be joining me at some point, I have a bit of breathing space between now and then. The decorators are coming in on the 20th of June, and most of the room has been cleared with the help of a dear friend of mine. There’s still a bit more to do, but there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day. Then they’ll be carpet and curtains to buy and new furniture and more beds for them all to sleep in. Phew! I’m exhausted just thinking about it all. I won’t really know how it’s all going to affect me in the long run, but I’ll just have to wait and see. Xx 💟
That’s a really heavy situation for both you and your son Ellie, so sorry to hear it. It’s a big ask from Tom and probably not an easy thing for him to ask either. Things may already have moved ahead by now but if having Tom and the children move in with you is too much…it might be easier if they rent somewhere if that’s feasible…..extra cost, I know. If they do move in, at least you know it will only be temporary and you will get your space back again in a few months 🙏💛
Thanks for understanding and appreciating that my situation is difficult, to say the least. At the moment, everything is on hold with Tom. That’s not to say it won’t happen; it will; it’s just a matter of time now. The decorator is starting on the 20th of this month, only a few days away. I do hate having workmen in the house, however nice they might be. I’m used to having my own space, but I’ll have to learn to adapt when Tom and the children move in. I haven’t got a firm date for that at present. It’s a waiting game. At the moment, I’m frantically trying to clear all the tut out of the spare room in readiness for the decorator. You wouldn’t believe what’s been in there all these years it’s been a junk room! It’ll be nice when it’s finished, though. I would say, watch this space, but that’s a bit of a cliché, so I won’t focus on that. However, I will write more about it when the next stage happens. Thanks for your thoughts. They’re appreciated. Xx 🤗💖😘