This is barely a poem; more of a ditty, so I hope you will excuse its simplicity. Despite spending the afternoon with a friend, I’ve been feeling rather low and introverted this evening, and my mind has been working overtime – probably too much time alone to think about my feelings.
If I want you to, would you love me true,
like it’s going out of fashion?
If I cry a tear, but you’re not aware,
do you think I’ve no compassion?
~~~
If I ask you to, would you stick like glue
and be there by my side?
If I don’t seem right, do you think I might
have died a little inside?
~~~
Do you seem nonplussed, I have issues with trust?
Do you know I’m not being rude?
If I’m slow to get going, I wonder if you’re knowing
I still like my solitude
~~~
If I can’t walk far and can’t reach the stars,
do you think that’s how I roll?
If I shiver and shake, don’t assume I’m fake,
and damn me with no parole
~~~
If it’s been a while since you saw me smile,
can you imagine what’s in my head?
Will you stop and think why I’m on the brink?
Please be careful where you tread.
Essentially Ellie 
Beautiful poem Ellie.
I also had a spur of poetry crossing my mind. It’s been brewing for a while…this is all I’ve gotten so far:
” If your last day is tomorrow,
Have you lived enough to say
Thank you darling! with no sorrow
I have lived and had my way . ”
Thanks very much, J. I really don’t know where mine came from. It’s not one of my better ones, and I thought twice before publishing it. Then, when I did, I wondered whether I should have done. I do like the beginning of your poem, though. You must try and finish it – I think it has a lot of promise. Good luck. Love Ellie x 🌞🌹💛
Wonderful verse, Ellie. I appreciate your emotional honesty so much. With each glimpse I feel like I know you more. …Cailín
Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. I wasn’t sure about this poem; I very nearly deleted it as I thought it wasn’t good enough. I feel honoured by your comment. If ever you feel ready to share your writing, I’m sure I will feel the same about your words, too. X 🥰
It’s my pleasure, Ellie! I’m really glad that you posted it. I’m pleased you think I could be of interest! …Cailín
Hi My Love.
I think this is so beautiful.
Please stop doubting yourself.
Thank you so much, Granny. That means a lot coming from you, my dear friend. Much of the time, I feel okay about myself but at others (perhaps, when I have too much time to think, although that’s not often), I realise that ‘confidence’ isn’t my middle name. People see me chatty and cheerful, but, like many others, I sometimes lack self-esteem. Not sure why it happens, particularly lately, but I tend to go with it and ride it out. Much love to you, Granny Xxx 💖
A very beautiful poem Ellie!!
Love it very much.
You please take care 🙂
Thank you for your kind words, Devang. I always appreciate your comments and appreciation. I’m glad you like my poem – that means a lot to me. Hope you are well today, and I will catch up with your blog later if I can, if not tomorrow. Take care, too. 🌞
डोंट वरी एबाउट माय ब्लॉग।
In English, don’t worry about my blog 😁😛
You please take care
And kindly stay happy.
Have a peaceful time 🧁
Thank you, Devang. I hope you’re enjoying India’s 75th Independence Day. That’s really quite something special. Hope it all goes well 🌞
Hey thank you 😃
My day was quite normal.
I hope you are doing well ☺️
This is wonderful, so authentic and raw ❤️
Thank you, Emma. That’s very kind of you to say. I appreciate you reading my poem 💖
This is what poetry is all about. Most of the time the poem writes itself.
So glad this one is out. You did it beautifully, Ellie. Just let the words wash over you. You’re a poet!
Thanks for sharing. Lovely sentiments.
And one more thing, not everything one writes is autobiographical.
Poems come from that place poems come. Sometimes the poems chooses you to tell about someone — a total stranger to you.
Other times it’s about something deep down inside you.
So don’t sweat it. Just let the poem use you. Be the instrument. For someone else or for yourself.
This one is tremendously lovely. Keep at it. Blessings.
Thank you so much, Selma. You are so wise when it comes to writing and especially poetry. I am always in awe of your skills. I write mostly from my core, so about how I feel – that’s what comes naturally to me. I write what’s inside me because I need to express what I’m feeling. I think I’d find it difficult to write about something that I wasn’t immediately connected with. Perhaps, that’s something I could learn to do in the future. Thank you for such kind words, too, my friend. Love to you Xx 🌞❣😘
It has a feel like coming straight from the heart, Ellie. So honest and vulnerable.
Thank you for your kindness and appreciation, Mousumi. My writing, especially, my poetry, always comes from my heart and my soul. It’s the only way I know how to write. Xx 💗
Yes and it makes your writing so impressive .
That was very good, Ellie! And honest and poignant description of vulnerability.
Thank you, Ann. I so appreciate you reading this and commenting. It means a lot to me, and I value your words and opinions. I hope you and your family are well. X
Ellie this is beautiful and real. Poetry has a way to touch us on a deeper level. There is no right or wrong to it, simply words which want to be born out of the chaos of our souls.
Thank you so much, Kate. I love writing poetry for that very reason. It doesn’t always flow, but when it does, it comes from somewhere deep inside. My confidence and self-esteem aren’t the best, which is why I never feel my work is ‘good enough.’ There certainly is a lot of chaos in my soul, that’s for sure. Thanks again. X
Beautiful and heartfelt poem/musings! Thank you for sharing and keep writing! ☺️💖
Thank you very much for being kind enough to follow my blog, read my post and leave me a lovely comment. I appreciate that a lot. X 💖
Wow Ellie, thank you for sharing this beautiful poem. I hope all is well with you.
Thank you so much for reading my poem and leaving me such a kind comment, Tangie. I’m fine, thank you but just incredibly busy. I hope you are well at the moment and that your health problems aren’t causing you too much pain or inconvenience. Xx 💖
Everyone talks about your poem, which is only natural, I guess. I would rather talk about how I react to your poem. It reminds me I am vulnerable, yet I have the strength to ask for help if and when I need it. I recognize that while I might always like to be “in control,” there are times I want someone to depend on, someone to put their arms around me and just say, “Poor baby.”
You see so utterly humanly. How can we really trust someone when others have destroyed our ability to trust? We want to trust as once we did, before we met those who trashed us, or used us. We become afraid to trust, to really trust. How long does it take to get back to where we were before we were hurt one time too many?
Yet through all this, while I am wary of love, I want to love and be loved in return. This too is a strength. I have not given up. I am willing to try again, though I may be leery.
I remember feeling that way in my life. I trusted, and was rejected — or even worse, used. I gave freely of myself, but sometimes got reticence in return. I think I was looking for perfection, but I never found it. Instead I found true love needs time to grow, to learn how to look past the faults that are there, but see the inner goodness. Because, though I do not always see them, I have faults too. I am not as perfect as I would like to be. Yet, I am lovable. And you are lovable too.
I can so identify with what you are saying, rawgod. I think being vulnerable takes a certain amount of strength, and although I’m aware of my vulnerability, as are you, I still would like to be genuinely loved and cared for, but for much the same reasons as you say, it’s so hard to learn to trust again. I tend to think of myself (not you) as a bit of a control addict. I’m honoured that you were able to share your vulnerability with me, even though it can be hard to own it.
I’ve been very badly hurt, not just as a child, but for much of my life – an emotionally (and often physically) absent and violent father, further violent, abusive and awful relationships, which, at the time, ground me into the soil. I’ve gotten to the point now where I won’t/don’t want to have another relationship for fear of being hurt and abused again. It would take everything I’ve got to accept someone else in my life again – I’m not willing to take that chance anymore, but whether that will ever change, I can’t say, although I tend to think not. Apart from this, I’m happy enough in my space, and I like living alone (with my cat – cats love unconditionally and don’t hurt us – I expect dogs are the same). That’s all as far as relationships go.
Trusting others to help us is a different matter (for me anyway). Whether or not we can admit it, we all need someone. Relationships with counsellors are a big issue for me. This is because I got terribly hurt and emotionally abused by a past counsellor (JG) (and I’m going back to 2012 now). I used to write a lot of my much earlier posts about her. She was extremely controlling, while I was probably at my most vulnerable. She partly used me as ‘her’ therapist, often divulging things about herself and her past, so it was a very codependent relationship that I didn’t recognise then. She smashed to bits all the boundary walls that should be put in place in a ‘professional’ relationship. I became very ill, mentally and emotionally, during those eight years with her. Yes, eight years of being hurt and damaged rather than being helped to heal. Do I still feel angry about this? Yes, I do, but contrary to resorting to alcohol, drugs and other self-damaging behaviours, as I did at that time, I deal with it in a much healthier way and mainly with my current counsellor,(C), who is excellent (I haven’t drank or used drugs since JG walked out on me the day my father died. If that seems unlikely, it’s the god-honest truth). C. and I. keep the boundaries firmly in place without letting them interfere with our professional relationship.
I’m not going to go on further about my previous experience with JG because I’m not sure if it’s helpful. I just wanted you to know that we are all vulnerable, whether we admit it or not; none of us is perfect, and we can learn to trust again (depending on our individual circumstances). It’s taken me ten years to finally trust another counsellor. Romantic relationships? No, not yet, at least, if ever. Perhaps, I haven’t learned to trust again as much as I thought I had. I’ll get there, though, if necessary, with a lot of hard work. Thanks again for sharing your precious thoughts, feelings, and vulnerability. Ellie
As I just said, I was a counsellor (and I guess I always will be, but never professionally again.) I found there is a fine line between what a counsellor can reveal about themselves, and what cannot be shared. I used sharing to try to create a connection, but once the connection was made then the sessions had to become all about the client. I was being paid to help them, not me. But helping was not about money, it was about accepting people and “loving them for who they are.” I am sorry it took 8 years to end the time with JG, that had to have hurt. I hope C can continue to show you the good side of counselling.
turned inward and bent upside down . my smile is a constant frown. lay the deal talk about how you feel. uh uh honey noooo!
I many like your beautiful blog. A pleasure to come stroll on your pages. A nice discovery. I will come back to visit you. Do not hesitate to visit my universe. See you soon.
Thank you very much for visiting my blog, Angelilie. It’s very kind of you. You are welcome to come back at any time. I will try and call into your blog, too, as soon as I have time. Thanks again … Ellie 🦢