Searching For Tomorrow

You may think me rather sombre as I write my feelings out
I concur they’re somewhat dark, as well you’ll know
Do you understand my pain, and why I try to hide my face?
My shame lives on from very long ago

I started this year well, without a tale to tell the world
But then I started digging, as you will all have read
Was that the wisest move, or should I put it all behind me?
But then I’d have to keep it in my head

My heart and soul are burdened; can I bury thoughts again?
Should I bid them on their way to pastures new?
Friends are standing by me and for that, I bless my soul
Do I really want to lose that loving view?

Oh, I’ve had my share of joys and bliss; an awful lot of fun
Along my endless travels, and on the brightest roads
So, why the saddest face and the hesitance to smile?
When I’m longing now to lose these heavy loads

I attempt to write my heart out; as it gives me real relief
Will you bear with me some more, while I search for peace?
Don’t give up or look away, as I’ll get there in the end
I’m so near the point of getting some release

I’m grateful, one and all, for your love and such kind words
They’re much appreciated, as I wend and find my way
The sun’s begun to shine and the sky’s a vivid blue
As I look forward to a better, brighter day.

Live today facing forward—with your back on yesterday, your eyes on tomorrow, and your head and heart in the moment.”

Richelle E Goodrich

Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊

51 thoughts on “Searching For Tomorrow”

  1. You are a beautiful soul dear friend
    And I wish nothing but the best for you.
    You have tremendous power, I want you to remember that.
    Keep the sun inside you shining.
    Stay blessed
    Stay happy
    Keep shining and keep sharing 🌟🧚🏻‍♀️

    1. Thank you so much for your constant kind words and encouragement, Devang. It means a lot to me. It helps me a lot to write, as you know, so thank you very much for supporting me in this. Hope you are well, my friend. 🦢🌹😘

    1. Thank you so much, Ann. I love that Beatles song, and as you said, it’s so true and I do feel surrounded by wonderful friends on WP. I realise I’m very lucky in this, and am truly grateful. Thank you, too, for considering me a friend. I am very honoured x 🦢

  2. It takes great courage to dig deep and to release our heart and soul out into the world with vulnerability. Especially when it comes to sharing our darkness. As that is what most of us as a species try to hide the most. It makes it feel all the more free and sweet, when you have such loving support of family and friends that see you for who you are. And that admire all parts of your being. And that give you a helping hand when it gets too dark. It’s as if that hand points us to that shining light, and gives us the extra strength we need to help us move forward.

    Though ultimately in the end, it starts with us first inside. And then that helping hand is that final step to venturing forth into the light. It’s of my opinion, that in the darkest of moments is when the light is the most visible and shines the brightest.

    Thanks to you, I now have a new quote to add to my favorites now. Much love to you Ellie! Let that beauty keep growing! Christopher. 😘❤️😀

    1. What a beautiful soul you are, my friend. You have and share so much love, compassion and honesty, and that is appreciated by me so very much. I can’t thank you enough for your understanding, support and encouragement. It means such a lot to me. To find someone who has been where I have been (not that I’d wish that on anyone) is amazingly special. I can see that you truly understand what it’s like to ‘feel’, expose and share our darker side. We all have one – it’s whether we are vulnerable enough to face this head-on in our weakest moments.

      I’ve had some very dark times, as you know, in the last two to three weeks. Exposing our innermost thoughts isn’t easy, but I feel I have friends here and a wonderful new friend in you, and I count myself very lucky and feel highly honoured. Often, I share things in my blog that I don’t even share with my ‘non-virtual’ friends or family for fear of worrying them. I feel blessed that I can do that here. I feel as close to my virtual friends as my ‘real-life’ friends.

      Writing gives me the freedom to just be myself. I can only write from my heart and soul – I know no other way to be. I feel in a safe space to do that because I am surrounded by loving and understanding people, especially people such as yourself, who I feel an immediate bond with. I have so much gratitude for this. I’m happy we have become such close friends in a short space of time. Time doesn’t matter when we form a connection with someone we can totally identify with. I definitely feel I have that connection with you. Thank you for being there for me, Christopher (Christopher is a good name; I have a lovely brother-in-law and a gorgeous little grandson with the same name as you). Have a great day. With much love and healing hugs for you ~ Ellie xx 🦢💝🥰

      1. Oh my Ellie! That’s so beautiful and so sweet! You’re a very beautiful soul too my friend. I’m honored that you feel that way, and are appreciative of that. I try to love, be compassionate, and honest as much as I can. I’m not perfect at all, and I fail at times. But I hope to continue to grow past them. And I know and believe I will.

        You’re very welcome lovely Ellie! I’m glad that I’m able to relate to and understand what you’re going through currently. And I want to keep encouraging you and supporting you in any way that I can. Which is why I will tell you, that if you ever need to talk to somebody at anytime, you can message me anywhere on any of the comment sections on my post. Or you can go to my contact page on my website, and send me an email. Because like you said, yes! I definitely understand what’s like to feel, expose, and share that darker side. And I couldn’t agree with you more Ellie! We all have one indeed. And like you said, we have to be vulnerable enough to face it head on in our darkest moments. The world is in my opinion the dark place that it is these days, because most of us are unaware that we have that dark side. And we’re running away and hiding it from it. Ironically it’s that very reason why it takes control of most of us and consumes us.

        I agree. It’s not easy at all. It’s in my opinion, one of the toughest challenges anyone of us will have in this life. I’m really glad to hear that you have the support of your friends here virtually who can give you love and encouragement when you need it. (Including ME NOW! YAY!) I know that talking to our non-virtual family and friends is extremely tough and difficult for a wide variety of factors. I deal with that same issue too in a lot of aspects.

        Yes I can totally relate to you so much Ellie. Writing is truly incredible. I’ve always been a writer deep down in my soul, but just never actually was aware of it until very recently within the past couple of years. It’s been through that time that I’ve undergone a major transformation. I’m most definitely a lover of words. I love the energy that words carry whether positive or negative. I love the passion of the energy they can carry too. And I love and appreciate that you write straight from the heart and soul. It doesn’t get anymore authentic than that.

        WordPress is such a beautiful platform. I never thought a platform like this could ever exist on the internet. The amount of beautiful people that are on this platform is extraordinary. And I love it! I couldn’t agree with you more. You’re so kind and sweet to me Ellie. I love what you’re feeling. You’re such a beautiful soul. And I love that we’re connecting Ellie. And I totally agree with you! When you have that automatic energetic connection with someone. It’s almost as if you’ve known that person their entire lives. That’s why even though it’s a short period of time it doesn’t matter. Because true connections have no regard for time.

        You’re very welcome Ellie! Like I told you in one of my previous paragraphs, anytime you need someone to talk to, I’m here. You’re free to message me anytime. And I can’t wait to get to know you even more dear friend.

        OH NICE! That’s wonderful! 😀 I hope that they are doing happy and healthy by the way. And thank you so very much once again. Because I think Christopher is a good name too. And who would’ve thought you would now meet another Christopher. The world truly is an amazing place.

        Awwww thank you so very much for the healing hugs! Much love to you too! And you get healing hugs right back ya lovely Ellie. Keep shining that lovely beauty of yours Ellie.🤗🥰❤️ – Christopher.

  3. Hi, Ellie. Being a poet myself I understand why you love to write poetry. But I also wonder, when you are exploring your feelings, your memories, and your understanding why you choose so often to put your words inside boundaries? I would like to challenge you to write some in prose, or at least blank verse. To let your mind wander where it will, to see where it goes, and takes you with it. Please do not take this as a criticism, but rather an invitation. Maybe you are not ready for unorganized thoughts and words yet, and if this is the case feel free to tell me to cease and desist, but I can go back through my own journey, and I can say it helped me more to take the reins off my struggling steed of a mind, and allow it to roam free.
    All my love to you. Keep on keeping on.

  4. Hi, rawgod (J). I’ve never thought of my poetry as having boundaries or not. It’s not something that has crossed my mind before. I do, however, write in prose or blank verse sometimes; for instance, in Fragments, which you kindly commented on – it’s at if you wanted to check it out again. Having said that, on rereading it, it does seem to be written in iambic pentameter. Some of my older and also, as yet, unpublished poems are in prose, too. Most are very dark, and I’m not sure if they’re suited to how I feel at the moment. I feel a little confused today – halfway between being sombre and hopeful. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I think it does. Confused sums it up perfectly.

    I rather like your invitation to write more freely, and I definitely intend to give this a try. I’m intrigued to know how the words, feelings and thoughts might show themselves. I think I write rhyming poetry because I’m a bit of a perfectionist and like the rhythm, but then I don’t need to be perfect when writing for myself. Also, I’m a very organised person, preferring things to be neat and tidy, and I guess that is telling, too. Thank you very much for your helpful comment and for your challenge which I will willingly take up. Take good care of yourself, J. Much love to you, Ellie 🦢😘

    1. Yes, Fragments was definitely a freer style, and I apologize for having overlooked that. There was just something in this poem that sounded to me like there was something else you wanted to say, but it was outside today’s boundaries. So I wondered aloud what it was. I know when I am writing with rhymes, or a particular rhythm, there are things that need to be left unsaid, and then by the time I can say them I forget what they are. But write as you will. I never know when I sit down to write will it be prose or poetry, and if poetry what form it will take. Some days I feel like rhyming, even in my prose. Other days my words need to be free, to wander, and find a rhythm all their own. I think that is why I love writing so much.

      1. Hi J. I hope you are well. Thanks for taking the time to reread Fragments. I’ve been thinking about what you said in your comment about there being something else I wanted to say, but it was outside the boundaries of my rhyming poem here. I think you could be right. I’m definitely going to see how writing my next piece more freely feels. I’ve been so busy this week with my birthday arrangements that, as usual, I’m way behind with everything else. I intend to write a post about my celebrations this week but just haven’t had time yet. It will be old news if I leave it for too long. I’m also starting another writing course on Thursday morning, so I will have a lot of coursework. It might mean I’ll have less time to write my blog – I’ll have to see how it goes.

        I read your post, ‘A Post About Nothing,’ a short while ago. That’s some intense and serious stuff there—indeed, much food for thought. I also fear someone in power, although I thought it would be more likely that the button would be pressed in Russia or China as opposed to America. I’m not that knowledgeable about this topic, but familiar enough to know it would be a tragic and disastrous end to the natural world and civilisation. I can understand why you are so interested in American politics, especially if you think it’s likely to be America who pushes the button. British politics are no better. Today, Liz Truss was voted in as our new Prime Minister! It’s a disaster for climate change and inequality between the rich and the poor. I dread to think where the UK is going to end up now. We need a new political party, not an inefficient and irresponsible Prime Minister (in my view).

        1. The world has gone crazy, Ellie, and we are being dragged down with it. We barely got any information about the Conservative candidates, but it sounds like you got BoJo’s evil twin. My heart goes out to you, and to Britain.
          Apparently birthday wishes are in order, so Happy Belated Birthday! Hope you had a happy day, and that you will have a good year.
          I’m doing as good, as can be expected. My health is no worse than usual, just that it is never good.
          When you get around to your next post I will be here waiting to read it.

          1. I totally agree with you, J. The world has gone completely mad! It’s a terrifying state of affairs. Thanks for your sympathies to me and the whole of the doomed UK. Liz Truss keeps repeating her new ‘slogan’, Deliver, Deliver, Deliver. That’s what Bojo used to say so it makes me wonder if she has a mind of her own. There was a photo of her on the BBC News website this morning of her grinning and laughing to the camera. Does she think she’s a comedian rather than the new PM. God help us (I’m not religious either).

            Thank you very much for your birthday wishes. It was a lovely day with my family and I then spent my birthday lunch with my best friend in an Italian restaurant, which was lovely.

            I’m glad your health is no worse than usual.

            At the moment, it remains to be seen whether I actually have time to write my birthday post. If I don’t get a move on, it’ll just be old news.

            Take good care of yourself, J. Love Ellie 🦢😘

            1. What may be “old news” to you is new news to yoyr readerdhip. If you want yo write it we will read it. But if you don’t really want to write it, that is okay too.
              If Imay be so bold, a good nickname for Ms Truss might be BoJoan! I saw her on the news yesterdsy and she so remminded me of her “best political ftiend” BoJo.

  5. Well you know how I feel. No better place to dig into what ails you than your blog. I read a comment earlier about the limits of poetry. I feel that such limits can be good when baring your soul. Poetry can serve as a puzzle to be solved, thereby distracting you from the exposure you might feel. I get this from blogging in general (although I rarely write poetry). While I’m looking for just the right word or phrase to improve the prose, I unabashedly blurt out my darkest secrets. Best to you, Ellie.

    1. Hi Jeff. I hope you and your family are all well. Thank you for being able to relate to my poetry in this way and to how and why I write as I do. I suppose a poem could be a puzzle to be solved. I hadn’t thought of it like that before, and it’s an interesting viewpoint.

      None of us generally knows what’s in others’ minds until we write it out in words (or art) on paper (or screen), although I feel I am very open and honest in what I write (perhaps, too open sometimes). My blog feels and has always felt like a safe space for me to explore my innermost feelings. Maybe, that doesn’t sit comfortably with some people; I don’t know. But, it’s how I function – my words flow wholly from my heart and soul, as I’ve previously said. I know no other way to write, poetry in particular. It’s probably why I’m a dead loss at writing fiction!

      I’m having a family day out on Thursday with family members I haven’t seen in probably, two years or more. It’s to celebrate my granddaughter’s great exam results and my birthday on Saturday. Perhaps, I will write a piece on my day there, just as a change from writing my pain out. I’m very much looking forward to the day. All my best to you, Jeff, too.

    1. Thank you so much for reading my post and following my blog, ReMiXtuReal. It’s very kind of you to comment, and thank you for liking my poem. That’s very encouraging for me to hear … Ellie x 🦢🥰

  6. “Will you bear with me some more, while I search for peace?
Don’t give up or look away, as I’ll get there in the end
I’m so near the point of getting some release”
    Yes, I’ll be here, Ellie dear.
    And let me point out: write it. Write it all out. Empty your would on paper. That IS the WAY!
    But if one day you tell me your wrote it all out. And now you’re bare and that you burned the paper in which you drained your soul —that’d be enough, too.
    What I’m saying is do what’s comfortable for you. And never be ashamed of who you are today. Today is what matters most.
    “Keep your face toward the sunshine and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~ Walt Whitman.

    1. Thank you so much, dear Selma, for encouraging me to speak my heart and write my feelings out on paper or screen. Thank you for accepting me just as I am. This is a mark of a true friendship, and I’m so grateful for that. Sometimes, when I’ve written a particularly tough and emotional peace, I do feel shame and embarrassment, but the lovely thing about WP is that I have such kind and wonderful friends here; this is often short-lived. I appreciate every single one of my blogging friends or buddies, as I often call them. Thank you for including the Walt Whitman quote at the end of your comment – I do love that. I wish you a wonderful day, my friend, or it may be night over there. Either way, I send you my love Xxx 🦢🌹💛

    1. Thank you so much for such kind words, Pamelap. I really appreciate you leaving me a comment. I’m sorry if I’ve missed a couple of your posts; it was my birthday this week and I’ve been out most days this week, so have had less time to read my blogging friends’ posts. I’m hoping to catch up this week. Xx 🦢💗😘💜

        1. Thank you for my birthday wishes, Pamelap. I can imagine how busy you’ve been with the children going back to school, as my grandchildren went back to school this week, too. My daughter is a teaching assistant, so has had to go back to school for that, also. Take care. Xx 🦢💖🤗🌷

  7. There’s a fine balance between blocking out the past and being able to live with it while walking forward. You raise a lot of great questions, and I like how you talk about starting fresh but then going back and digging up the past. Many struggle with that.

    Keep going and stay golden!

    1. Thanks for your comments and encouragement, Sam. It’s a difficult place to be sitting in right now. I spoke to my counsellor yesterday, and she will try to extend the time I can go there by a couple more months. I’m very pleased as it’ll give me more time to try and process everything. Hopefully, I’ll be in a more positive place at the end of it. I do intend to keep going – there is no other way, really, is there? The only way to go is onwards and upwards. Xx 🦢😘

  8. Another heartfelt and truly beautiful poem. You are doing it, Ellie. Don’t stop now. The other side isn’t free of heartache and pain, but it does look different. You can begin to see what stuff is yours and what is simply others stuff left clinging to you. You can learn to put up heathy boundaries but still be vulnerable (although I suspect you are well on your way to this already). Therapy is truly hard work, but I promise you it gets better.

    1. Thank you so much, Bridgette. I’m so glad to hear that the future can look different. My therapy is extremely tough and painful at the moment, but I know that with my therapist’s support, I will eventually find myself in a better place. It seems an awfully long way off at the moment, and I know there are still a lot of difficult things to deal with before I begin to come out of this on the other side. I won’t give up, though. Xx 🦢🌹😘

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