“This was me before I knew about anything hard, when my whole life was packed lunches and art projects and spelling quizzes.”
― Nina LaCour, Hold Still
Rage screams out in silenced moments
Beating in her shattered heart
Muted words tell of her truths
Ripped her childhood years apart
~~~
Pain seared through her fragile figure
Like a sword sliced through her gut
Agony cut trenches in
To stop the screams with lips sewn shut
~~~
Innocence is lost in moments
Sins shut from the outside world
There she sits with guilty bruises
In a corner, tightly curled
~~~
She trembled as the torment came
Spoke whispers to her sacred soul
Crying out in stolen voices
Filled the gaping, bleeding hole
~~~
Keeping secrets nearly killed her
Suffocates her choking voice
Trapped and twisted honest truths
Ignoring pain, she had no choice.
Author: Ellie Thompson
Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ...
... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full.
I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else.
Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊
View all posts by Ellie Thompson
Essentially Ellie (My Heart's Tales) 
Ugh. That last stanza Ellie! 💔😢
But Ms. Wonderful, it is a cleansing, a renewal. Keep pluggin’ away! Do the “process” in your own time, in your own way Madame. 🙂
Thank you for your kindness, understanding and support while I’m in this place, Dwain. Writing, especially, is how I express my deepest feelings and begin to heal, although I know it will take some time and hard work in counselling on my part. Thank you for your encouragement with this, too … 🦢💜🕊
So full of pain. The photo makes the poem even more heartbreaking to think of such evil done to a beautiful, helpless kid.
Sometimes it’s difficult to transfer that evil to my perpetrator and not allow it to tarnish my childhood innocence in my mind. I feel the same about children who are being abused these days, although I think there is more help and support for them now (and their families assuming they are not responsible for the crime in the first place). Back then, parents or families/teachers etc. were told not to ever mentioned the abuse again, and that the child would, in time, forget all about it (as told in my recent poem, ‘Passage of Time’). I did not forget what happened, and never will; it’s just a case of coming to terms with it through my counselling. That’s what I’m working on at the moment, but it’ll take time to undo all the harm that was done to me at that time and to begin to heal. Thanks for your understanding and your comment, Sam. X 🦢💜🕊
Purging…
Receive a virtual hug from across the miles.
Thank you, Selma. Your virtual hug has been very gratefully received. I find it calming and comforting. Xx 🦢💙🕊
Heart-wrenching!!
But also an impactful poem!!
Thanks for sharing
Thank you, Devang. Writing, especially poetry, is the way I will begin to heal. However, I don’t underestimate the time and energy this will take. Thanks for your understanding … Ellie 🦢
Take your time. But, please don’t let anything consume you. You are strong person, I know that. If anything is bothering you, kindly share it with person you trust the most. 😃
Thank you for your encouragement, my friend. I do share my deepest thoughts also with my counsellor. 🦢
That’s great!!
Keep shining 🌟🦚🌺☀️🔥
So very powerful.
Love you.
Thank you, Granny. I love (and appreciate) you, too, very much. Xxx 🦢🤍🕊
Words cannot express…
My words, that is.
Thank you for your understanding and feeling, J. Take care 🦢💜🕊
🤍✌
💛 💐✨
Thank you, Cherryl. 🦢💕🕊
I’m speechless on the content, but great writing.
Sorry if you found this shocking. Thank you for appreciating my poetry, though. 🦢
Because of what I perceive to be undiagnosed autism, I’m (so far) unable to be shocked. But left without a proper response is pretty common for me. I’m curious, is it cathartic for you to write this or is the jury still out. When I first started ‘sharing my secrets’ I felt horrible inside. Eventually, I got used to it and now I’m quite free. Your poetry is beautiful.
Compelling writing but so very heart wrenching Ellie. Sending you love ❤️
Thank you so much, Kate. I appreciate your comment and your view. I’m having a tough time at the moment, as you will have realised by my dark poetry. It does help me to write, to get my feelings on paper rather than constantly spinning around and around in my mind. Thank you for your love – I can’t tell how much I appreciate that. Sending love to you, also. Xx 🦢💕🕊
Wow, Ellie, this is so strong and so honest! Child abuse is the very worst sort of sin, and one that we all need to work to prevent. And as for the victims, they need compassion and support, not being told to keep their mouths shut…..You expressed the hopelessness and rage so very eloquently!
Thank you for reading and being so understanding, Ann. I’m feeling very vulnerable, as I know you will appreciate. Everything I write is completely honest – I don’t know how to write any other way. As I’ve said recently, I can only write from my heart and soul. You are quite right in that victims of child abuse should be able to speak out, which I find aids healing, especially after being told as a young child to keep quiet about it, or, as the ‘grown-ups’ assumed at the time that I would simply forget about it. Unfortunately, as I know, that’s not the case. I’m seeing a good therapist now and am only beginning to deal with the suppressed rage. It’s not easy, though, for someone like myself, who rarely has an angry bone in my body. I guess it’s not too late to learn how to deal with anger healthily and not take it out on myself as I have done in the past. X
Sometimes little children get abused and they can’t express it. Beautiful poem well shared thanks 👍
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem, Priti. I appreciate that very much. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to express my feelings about the abuse when I was young. It’s only through good therapy that I’m learning to do this now. I do find writing poetry to be quite cathartic, so I’m hoping it will help with my healing. X 🦢
Yes it happens with so many children 👌
Ellie, your words ripped into my heart. Raw, honest, and yet open for healing.
Thank you very much for reading my poem and for your kindness in leaving me a comment. I am feeling very raw at the moment; however, I do find that writing my feelings down is cathartic. I’m gradually working on healing with the help of a good therapist, so am hoping I won’t always feel quite as fragile as I do at the moment. Thanks again X 🦢
I love you dear Ellie. Thank you for reading my work.
You are very welcome, John. Sending love to you, too x 💜
You re welcome dear Ellie. I love you too dear Elllie.
You are doing the hard work and this poem really is powerful. Those last lines are extremely strong. Sending you so much love. Nobody should have hurt that sweet little girl/you. Healing hug coming your way ❤️
Thank you so much for such kind words, Bridgette. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your love and those healing hugs. That means a lot to me. Take good care of yourself Xx 💖
Ellie this so heart wrenching my friend 😪😪it hits hard! Xx
It is part of the healing process 🙏🙏
Hugs and much much love xx
Thank you for finding me here in this post, Maggie. I don’t write much about my abuse anymore; as you’ll be pleased to know, I worked through much of it with my last therapist. However, the memories and pain remain; they just don’t have such a strong hold on me now. Having said that, I still get flashbacks occasionally, which can be distressing. Writing, as I did at this period of my life and having so much support from my blogging friends, really helped me through my journey to healing. So much love and gratitude for you, my dear friend. Xxx 💓🌼💞
Ellie the post came up under your most recent one and it resonated 😪.
I am on a similar journey , but these things are nit linear and it takes as long as it takes.
Writing is such a powerful way to extract some of the pain.
I am so glad you are in a better place now.
Lots of love always xx❤️🥰❤️🥰xx
Thank you so much for telling me that, Maggie, although I wonder why it came up as my most recent post, as it was written a while ago now. Nevertheless, I am very grateful to you for taking the time to read and comment on it.
I’m sorry that you, too, are on a similar journey. You are right – there is no way of taking a smooth path to healing – it just comes when it’s ready and sometimes with some help (at least in my case, therapy). I do hope you are getting some support, perhaps from friends or family, if they are appropriate options. I am always here to listen to you and chat if it would help and you would like. You can reach my email address by using my contact page if you like. Then I could reply to you privately from my email account if that’s okay with you. I say this sincerely, my dear, dear friend. All my love always Xxxxx 💓🙏🌹💛
Thank you Ellie 🙏🙏
You are such a beautiful soul and I am so happy to have connected with you here🌹❤️🌹.
I have had different therapies etc but I don’t think 6/8 sessions can adequately cover something that happened over a very long period of time.
I know I just have to keep going there and peeling back the layers.
Thank you from my heart for your kind words🥰🥰
Maggie x🌹❤️🌹❤️
Thank you, too, Maggie, for the precious person that you are. I am so pleased we have found each other here at WP. Honestly, many of my best friendships have been found here, and I am so happy to be able to include you in those relationships. It’s not every day that I meet someone who means such a lot to me, so our connecting together is just beautiful.
I totally agree that 6-8 sessions are nowhere near enough to deal with something that is so deeply routed and so fragile.
I was lucky to have eight months with my last therapist, although I have had many therapists during my life, some of whom were good, but I couldn’t open up to; one was, unfortunately, incredibly damaging to me.
I’m very fortunate that I’ve got an assessment booked for further therapy on the 28th of this month. There may still be a wait after that, but I’m hoping it won’t be for too long. Have you thought about having further therapy at all? You are right about peeling back the layers. It takes an awful lot of time, doesn’t it, but then, when we think of how long the abuse was happening, a few weeks or months of therapy doesn’t always touch the edges.
So much gentle love to you, my beautiful friend. Big comforting and healing hugs,, too ~ Ellie Xxx 💖🌼💞🤗💝
Ellie I believe people come into our lives for a reason🙏.
I have found every writing community to be supportive and loving, but for the most part we may only “like ” or “comment”.
I also believe that many of us choose to try and exircise what was done to us through our writing✍️.
But I am also aware there are many for which it is a “no go subject” to read.
I hope that all goes well for you on the 28th🙏.
I have found a kindred spirit🥰 thank you.
I think I would need to go private to have any more sessions and I am one for “ignoring” the process sometimes because it is painful😪
I hope one day to be able to stop my self destructive patterns🙏.
Thank you so much for your hugs and love which I give to you too🌹❤️🌹❤️.
I hope you are not still trying to catch up on blogs😉.
Take good care xx💕💕xx.