Climbing The Ladder

(Photo by Nick Page on Unsplash)

Drowning in anguish sucked the life out of me
I expressed my personal agony for all to see
I was travelling through the days full of tragedy
Not getting where I really wanted to be

***

Each day spending far too long in bed
Fighting off the unwanted thoughts in my head
Often wishing to be numb, sometimes dead
Now, I’m wanting to live life again instead

***

I want to be rid of the despair, anger and hate
Let them go, leave them standing at the garden gate
There was far too much pain sitting on my plate
Now is the time to cleanse, release and recreate

***

I’ve written my life story in excruciating rhyme
Feeling all the misery like joy was the crime
Feeling deep sorrow for losing so much time
Please hold my hand while I begin the long climb

***

Life was pretty tough when it all went wrong
I’ve been sitting on the bottom rung for far too long
Forgot to tell myself that I’m still brave and strong
Now, I’m wanting to sing a brand-new song

***

Not saying it’s going to be easy but I’ll try
Not saying I won’t be sad because I might still cry
Not saying it’s the end as I don’t want to die
Not saying I won’t need you, so please stand by.




32 thoughts on “Climbing The Ladder

  1. Touching blog Ellie. Very relatable. I’m not sure if you’re writing about your own situation or others, but I feel many people can relate to the challenges of being stuck on the bottom rung, trying to climb up. The last line got me too. “Not saying I won’t need you, so please stand by” could easily be the theme song or title for 2022. I know I can relate. Thanks for sharing. Hang in there, keep climbing!

    1. Thank you very much, Brian. All my writing is true life and relates to me and my feelings. I always write from my heart and soul – it’s the only way I know how to write. I’m glad you find my poem relatable. I guess that last line could be a line for a song – I hadn’t thought of it like that. I’m touched that you thought that. I will definitely hang on in there, as I don’t want to be down in that boggy mire any longer. I will continue climbing up my ladder until I reach a place where I’m comfortable and no longer in deep despair. Thanks for your encouragement.

  2. Thats a very beautiful and genuine poem. It is super touching and I think that lots of people who faced a big loss can relate. I know, I do. I love the ending because you are not projecting heroism but human vulnerability and want for life. You are brave and strong! It is time to write your new song each verse at a time. Sending love and support!

    1. Thank you for such a kind comment on my post, Doer Mindset. I did hope that people would be able to relate to my feelings and experience. Thank you for thinking of me as brave and strong, as the verse reads, and especially thanks for your love and support. That means a lot to me. Take care. X

    1. Thanks, Mick. I do have hope now, and I’ve always been a very determined person, too. Hopefully, that’ll help in my recovery and get me out of the dark place I’ve been in for too long. I’ll keep climbing that ladder.

  3. Oh, Ellie! This made me so happy for you. I’m so glad you can see the ladder now through the fog and you want to climb out of all the pain into something different. Leave that pain in the old muck where it belongs. You know what it is. You’ve done the work to see every inch of its slimy, creepy surface, but now you don’t have to sit in it anymore. I’m so proud of you! Don’t worry if those ladder rungs are slippery and you fall down a step or two, just keep moving upward. You got this. I’m rooting you on and can’t wait to see what’s next for you.

    1. Aww, Bridgette. I can’t tell you how much your words mean to me. It’s good to be breathing the fresh air again. Thank you for being proud of me – you are so kind. The rungs of the ladder are, indeed, still a bit slippy, but I’m holding on tight to each rung above me. With a bit of luck, my writing will have a bit more of a positive slant to it from now. I don’t want to be down in that hole anymore. Perhaps, I’ll be able to write some more upbeat poetry again. I’m going to keep looking forwards. Much love to you, my friend Xx 💜💐💖

      1. You don’t have to suddenly write upbeat or joyful. Continue to be in the place you are. Write about viewing your pain from a different angle, or how you battle the voices to stay moving upwards, or whatever else comes up as you continue to move through this. It’s okay to write about whatever you are feeling. It’s your honesty and sincerity I appreciate the most. Hoping today is a good day.

      2. Dear Bridgette. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being able to see exactly and truly where I’m at. I know my journey won’t always be straightforward, often deviating from the path I, perhaps, wish to be on. You are quite right in what you say, and I’m so grateful for that – I wouldn’t be able to write upbeat quite yet, at least not as honestly as I always write. I will take things easy and one step at a time. It helps so much to know that you care as I do about you and your family. Today is an okay sort of day, which is much better than some of the not-so-good days I’ve been experiencing recently. With my love to you, Bridgette. Xx 🥰

    1. Thank you so much, Tallisman, for reading my poem and following my blog (a big welcome to you). Thank you even more so for your very kind comment. That’s lovely of you to say. I’m very humbled that you are rooting for me. That means a lot to me. Thanks again. Take care.

  4. Never, ever, give up on yourself. No matter what traumas invade our lives trying to suck the joy out of our souls, we can overcome one small step, one simple act, one kind word at a time. I’ve read many of the comments in this post and your others. Many people believe in your possibility, your creativity, you. You and every moment, thought, and word make you this unique individual with something worth saying that only YOU can say. Press on.

    1. Aww … Kathryn, your comment brought tears to my eyes (in a happy way). That really is so lovely of you to say. I do have some wonderful friends here on WP – I really don’t know what I would have done without all their (and your) support and encouragement. I will keep fighting my way up. X 💛

  5. Sending prayers for happier and blessed days to come, look forward to them, create them, embrace them. Each day is the beginning of a new chapter, change, miracles and chances, your journey continues 💫 ✨🙏 💛x

    1. Thanks so much for your very kind and thoughtful wishes, Cherryl. I’m trying to stay positive, although it’s not always easy. I’m very determined, though; I always have been when it comes to surmounting obstacles in my life (or so I’ve been told). I especially like the idea of each day being a new chapter. I will continue to do my best. Xx 🌷🎀💕

  6. This is AWESOME! You know what my best friend did to snap me out of my depression after my mom died? He new I was an ABBA fan, so he found this comedic music, by a person who plays famous songs on a recorder really badly for fun, and it is called “Sh*ttyfluited” and found “Dancing Queen”, Ironically not my favorite ABBA song but still, he played that for me and I fell out of my chair. I felt guilty for laughing too, but I also thought of my mom at the same time and she would have been pissed at me for staying in the dumps for as long as I did. Point is yea, you are going to have some really low points, everyone does. But things like this make me beam with a huge smile. Nobody says you have to be perfect, or happy all the time, but to know you are trying and want to try, it made John smile to hear me laugh again. And it makes me smile to read this.

    1. Aww, Brian. I’m so glad this made you smile. And what a lovely thing for your friend, John, to do with you. I love the sound of the recorder ‘artist’ playing ABBA music like that. How funny. My favourite ABBA song is Mamma Mia, and the film from that was absolutely brilliant. It was a long time ago, though. Perhaps, I should watch it over again soon. I know what you mean about your mom being cross with you for being so upset all that time. I lost my Mum six-years-ago this Christmas. I still haven’t come to terms with her death and know I need grief counselling, but I feel I’ve got more than enough to deal with emotionally at the moment in my current therapy. It always strikes me as strange that so many people (especially older) die near Christmas and New Year. Mum was last with me on the 30th of December 2016. I don’t know where the years go. I can imagine my Mum telling me to stop ‘living in the past’, but I know she would have meant it in the kindest way. You have inspired me to search on Amazon Prime to watch Mamma Mia. I could do with a laugh. It makes me happy to know I made you smile, even if just in a small way. Long may it last 😊.

  7. Depression can manifest in many ways. I have a friend who experiences it as being adrift at sea, but I am like you, I have a hole. It’s dark and there are days when I question whether the ladder exists at all. Like you, bed was also my refuge. The only thing that got me out of it was to feed my pets. But somehow I flailed around till I found bits of joy here and there. Joy is too strong a word, but I would find little healthy ‘obsessions’ that I could focus on. No matter how small they were, sometimes they would help me climb a rung on that ladder. I found you because you liked a couple of my posts from long ago. Reading this poem made me realize how many things we have in common and I had to comment. If you ever want to connect with someone who shares some of your experiences, feel free to reach out. Sometimes it helps to have a kindred soul pushing you up the ladder as you reach for the light.

    1. Hello (I think your name is Linda?) Please, forgive me if I’m wrong – I was looking at your blog and thought I saw the name ‘Linda’ mentioned a few times.

      Thank you so much for popping by, reading my poem and being lovely enough to leave me a comment. It’s very much appreciated. I recognise the name of your blog from a good while back and am following you now, eager to see what you are writing these days. From the bits I’ve read of your blog, I agree with you – we do have a lot in common. It’s always good to meet a fellow writer with whom you can establish a good rapport and understanding. I noticed you had a post which was about living a more eco-lifestyle. I definitely have that in common with you. I feel very strongly about protecting and saving our planet (if it’s not too late, that is!) I’m also vegan and have been for about four years now.

      I’m sorry you’ve had the experience of depression, too. It’s pretty grim, isn’t it? I’m so glad you’re feeling your way back into ‘normal’ life now (if life is ever normal!) My current depression is complicated, and there is more to it than meets the eye. I find it very difficult to motivate myself to do simple day-to-day things. The only relief I’ve found is in my writing, where I can express exactly what I’m feeling. I have some genuinely wonderful WP friends who have all supported me while I’m going through such a tough time. I am very lucky and even more grateful.

      I’m so glad you contacted me on my blog. I’m sure we can support one another to climb that ladder rung by rung. Thanks so much for connecting with me … Ellie x 🤍

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