Russian Roulette

There’s nothing clever or even vaguely intelligent about this poem. I wrote it on the spur of the moment. It’s not one of my better pieces, but it expresses how I feel, as does all my poetry. This isn’t a ‘work of art’ by any stretch of the imagination. It’s merely a ditty …

I realise my blog posts
have been sad and sombre of late
I know it’s been hard to bear with me
I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling great

My doctor has given me tablets
Both Valium and Zopiclone
The latter should help me sleep
Plus a crisis number to phone

I’m trying to appear cheerful
but I doubt that I’m kidding you
I’m painting a broad smile on my face
but you can’t see that’s what I do

My poetry is brutally honest
Every word, every space, every line
Perhaps, if I painted landscapes
the results would be more sublime

My dear friends, I want to thank you
for sticking close to my side
And also, I’m eternally grateful
for mopping each tear that I’ve cried

So, I beg for a little more time
And please don’t desert me yet
I’ve really got so much to live for
though I’m playing Russian roulette

A message here to each one of you
from my tender and delicate heart
I’m doing my best, so please hold my hand
I don’t want to blow us all apart.

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊

38 thoughts on “Russian Roulette”

  1. My hand is always yours to hold whenever you need it Ellie. As always your poem is authentic and beautifully written, I’m so sorry you have to write sadly for now but remember the pen continues to write, you story continues

    1. Oh, thank you so much for your kind and beautiful words, Kate. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you for introducing me to the idea that my story will continue, and that, perhaps, in time, my story may [hopefully] take a turn for the better. That’s very reassuring. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to keep up with reading your recent posts. Life is a struggle at the moment, as I know you understand. Love to you, Kate Xx 💓

      1. All the love in the world my friend, take care of you for now and keep writing your story, but the way that you want it to develop, not the way it has been. We are all our own narrators in this life, we can pick and choose what we wish to include in our story going forward. Xx

  2. ELLIE, if there is anything in over 30 years of writing poetry I have learned, is that one does not get to say “this isn’t my best piece”. I do get what you are saying. But this was an awesome piece, and I mean that. It may have been a “ditty” to you, but not to me. It was you, and it was damn good.

    With my poetry, I cannot tell you how many people will say something about a poem I don’t consider my best that people love. “Kelly” is one of my more popular poems liked recently, and yet my poems about Anne Sexton, and Sylvia Plath don’t get as much notice. I have another poem “Ego Divinely Inspired” about the 9/11/01 attack that got a standing ovation when I read it in a church in 01. But today, it hardly gets any notice.

    Trust me, this was a great piece of work. Raw and expressive and touches the ups and downs I have felt in my life too. Point is, do not sell yourself short. I do comment on a lot of work on line, but yours really gets to me more than most others.

    1. Thank you, Brian. I’m glad you are able to relate to this piece in the way that you have. I know that I lack confidence in my work and tend to be rather a pessimist and undervalue what I write if it’s not ‘perfect’ to me. Nothing in life is perfect, though. I will take a lesson from your valuable comment and try to be less self-judgemental when pressing the dreaded Publish button. Thank you for a constructive reply – much appreciated.

  3. True friends will never desert you in the time of need.
    Everyone is with you.
    So far, you are doing good. You are very strong. After every dark night, there’s a bright day. Your bright day is up ahead. 🔆

    1. Oh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same, Greg. Have you tried writing about how you feel? What a shame the tablets didn’t help you. They partly work for me, although I’m still awake several times each night, which doesn’t do much for my mood. Do take of yourself, Greg. X 💜

  4. We’re holding onto your hand Ellie. Feel it and remember that anytime you need to. I loved the Russian Roulette metaphor on this. You’re such a great writer, and you’re very gifted. WAY more gifted than I am. Have these lovely hearts Ellie. Remember how beautiful and special you’re today. I truly appreciate the love and kindness you’ve shown towards me my beautiful friend. And I want you to know how much that means to me personally. Feel the love coming my way to you Ellie. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  5. Dear Christopher, thank you so much for being there for me as you always are. It means the world to me. Your words are so comforting and encouraging. Thank you for liking my writing. I feel the same about your work. You write some wonderful pieces, full of passion and sometimes pain. I can always relate to your pieces. Thank you, hugely, for the hearts – that’s so kind of you and I never take your friendship and appreciation for granted. Love to you, Hugs, too Xx 💓💓💓💓🤗🤗🤗🤗💓💓💓💓

  6. It is Night now. Day will come. Recall? Ellie, here for you. I’ll read your stories. Keep writing. It’s your story. Share it. I want to write many things to you, but these next words will suffice, for now: big hug and sincere cheers your way, my fellow friend, who I really UNDERSTAND, and DEEPLY so! You’ve such wonderful friends and support amongst your readers.

  7. Thank you so much for such a lovely message. I’m very grateful to you for reading my life story. Your words are really so kind and mean an awful lot to me. It’s good to know you you understand me so well. I am very fortunate indeed for all my WordPress friends here. You and they give me so much appreciated support. I don’t know what I’d do without you all. Sending you lots of big hugs, too. Xx 😘 💗🥰

    1. Thank you so much, Ann. It does help to know you and my other WP friends are still here by my side. My poems always have been and will continue always to be honest and come from my heart and soul. I will do my utmost to hang on in there, as difficult as it is sometimes. Xx 💛

    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting so kindly. Poetry is the only way I know to express the honest and raw feelings that come from my heart and soul. Thanks for your encouragement. X 💜

  8. Your honesty and truth is why I’m drawn to you, Ellie. There are so many of us who love and appreciate you. Take all the time you need. Continue to write what you need to. I’m always going to be here. Sending you a giant hug!

    1. Oh, thank you so much for such kind words, Bridgette. What a lovely thing to say. It makes me so happy to know that you will be there alongside me as I travel this emotional journey. All my kind readers have been wonderfully patient with me and are incredibly supportive, as you especially are. I have to write – it’s the only way I can deal with what I’m feeling and experiencing. Your giant hug means the world to me – thank you so much. Thinking of you and your family as always. Big hugs to you, too. Never forget, you are so worth it. My love to you Xx 💓🤗💞

  9. Ellie, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I am so glad you are writing on WordPress as another option to share and receive encouragement. I am thankful our blogs crossed paths. Take care, Dear Ellie, and be safe and stay warm.

    1. Thank you so much, Tangie. Your words are so kind and much appreciated. I have some wonderful friends on WP and feel very grateful for that. I, too, am glad that we found each other on here. Wishing you a happy Christmas Eve today. Xx 🎄💝

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