Russian Roulette

There’s nothing clever or even vaguely intelligent about this poem. I wrote it on the spur of the moment. It’s not one of my better pieces, but it expresses how I feel, as does all my poetry. This isn’t a ‘work of art’ by any stretch of the imagination. It’s merely a ditty …

I realise my blog posts
have been sad and sombre of late
I know it’s been hard to bear with me
I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling great

My doctor has given me tablets
Both Valium and Zopiclone
The latter should help me sleep
Plus a crisis number to phone

I’m trying to appear cheerful
but I doubt that I’m kidding you
I’m painting a broad smile on my face
but you can’t see that’s what I do

My poetry is brutally honest
Every word, every space, every line
Perhaps, if I painted landscapes
the results would be more sublime

My dear friends, I want to thank you
for sticking close to my side
And also, I’m eternally grateful
for mopping each tear that I’ve cried

So, I beg for a little more time
And please don’t desert me yet
I’ve really got so much to live for
though I’m playing Russian roulette

A message here to each one of you
from my tender and delicate heart
I’m doing my best, so please hold my hand
I don’t want to blow us all apart.

Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay

33 thoughts on “Russian Roulette

  1. My hand is always yours to hold whenever you need it Ellie. As always your poem is authentic and beautifully written, I’m so sorry you have to write sadly for now but remember the pen continues to write, you story continues

    1. Oh, thank you so much for your kind and beautiful words, Kate. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. Thank you for introducing me to the idea that my story will continue, and that, perhaps, in time, my story may [hopefully] take a turn for the better. That’s very reassuring. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to keep up with reading your recent posts. Life is a struggle at the moment, as I know you understand. Love to you, Kate Xx 💓

      1. All the love in the world my friend, take care of you for now and keep writing your story, but the way that you want it to develop, not the way it has been. We are all our own narrators in this life, we can pick and choose what we wish to include in our story going forward. Xx

  2. ELLIE, if there is anything in over 30 years of writing poetry I have learned, is that one does not get to say “this isn’t my best piece”. I do get what you are saying. But this was an awesome piece, and I mean that. It may have been a “ditty” to you, but not to me. It was you, and it was damn good.

    With my poetry, I cannot tell you how many people will say something about a poem I don’t consider my best that people love. “Kelly” is one of my more popular poems liked recently, and yet my poems about Anne Sexton, and Sylvia Plath don’t get as much notice. I have another poem “Ego Divinely Inspired” about the 9/11/01 attack that got a standing ovation when I read it in a church in 01. But today, it hardly gets any notice.

    Trust me, this was a great piece of work. Raw and expressive and touches the ups and downs I have felt in my life too. Point is, do not sell yourself short. I do comment on a lot of work on line, but yours really gets to me more than most others.

    1. Thank you, Brian. I’m glad you are able to relate to this piece in the way that you have. I know that I lack confidence in my work and tend to be rather a pessimist and undervalue what I write if it’s not ‘perfect’ to me. Nothing in life is perfect, though. I will take a lesson from your valuable comment and try to be less self-judgemental when pressing the dreaded Publish button. Thank you for a constructive reply – much appreciated.

  3. True friends will never desert you in the time of need.
    Everyone is with you.
    So far, you are doing good. You are very strong. After every dark night, there’s a bright day. Your bright day is up ahead. 🔆

    1. Oh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling the same, Greg. Have you tried writing about how you feel? What a shame the tablets didn’t help you. They partly work for me, although I’m still awake several times each night, which doesn’t do much for my mood. Do take of yourself, Greg. X 💜

  4. We’re holding onto your hand Ellie. Feel it and remember that anytime you need to. I loved the Russian Roulette metaphor on this. You’re such a great writer, and you’re very gifted. WAY more gifted than I am. Have these lovely hearts Ellie. Remember how beautiful and special you’re today. I truly appreciate the love and kindness you’ve shown towards me my beautiful friend. And I want you to know how much that means to me personally. Feel the love coming my way to you Ellie. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  5. Dear Christopher, thank you so much for being there for me as you always are. It means the world to me. Your words are so comforting and encouraging. Thank you for liking my writing. I feel the same about your work. You write some wonderful pieces, full of passion and sometimes pain. I can always relate to your pieces. Thank you, hugely, for the hearts – that’s so kind of you and I never take your friendship and appreciation for granted. Love to you, Hugs, too Xx 💓💓💓💓🤗🤗🤗🤗💓💓💓💓

  6. It is Night now. Day will come. Recall? Ellie, here for you. I’ll read your stories. Keep writing. It’s your story. Share it. I want to write many things to you, but these next words will suffice, for now: big hug and sincere cheers your way, my fellow friend, who I really UNDERSTAND, and DEEPLY so! You’ve such wonderful friends and support amongst your readers.

  7. Thank you so much for such a lovely message. I’m very grateful to you for reading my life story. Your words are really so kind and mean an awful lot to me. It’s good to know you you understand me so well. I am very fortunate indeed for all my WordPress friends here. You and they give me so much appreciated support. I don’t know what I’d do without you all. Sending you lots of big hugs, too. Xx 😘 💗🥰

    1. Thank you so much, Ann. It does help to know you and my other WP friends are still here by my side. My poems always have been and will continue always to be honest and come from my heart and soul. I will do my utmost to hang on in there, as difficult as it is sometimes. Xx 💛

    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting so kindly. Poetry is the only way I know to express the honest and raw feelings that come from my heart and soul. Thanks for your encouragement. X 💜

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