Make Believe

She got up early and painted her face
to cover the shame and her falling from grace
She dyed her hair ginger and put blue on her eyes
She thought she’d catch all her friends by surprise

She smacked on red lips and looked into the glass
Outside the window, she watched people pass
Nobody noticed this sad tired stranger
Nor that she was in imminent danger

She pulled on her face and forced out a smile
and held the expression for quite a while
She easily feigned joy; could have earned first prize
for kidding them all with her perfect disguise

Exhausted and weary, she started yawning
and time slipped by, ‘though it was still morning
She pulled down her hat to cover her frown
No one would know her, dressed up as a clown

She’d tried so hard but things were so tough
She decided that enough was enough
What a sham, what a game; she picked up the knife
Could she pluck up the courage to take her own life?

Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊

25 thoughts on “Make Believe”

    1. Dear Penny, thank you for your care. I’m not in a good space today at all, but am waiting for a friend to come over to be with me for the rest of the day. I also contacted my doctor, who is very understanding and is calling me again later on this afternoon. I get very lonely and depressed so much of the time lately. It’s not being helped by the end of my counselling coming up. I’m considering whether to take a break from my blog for a few days as I’m also finding it very stressful to keep up with everyone’s work, as much as I love reading other bloggers’ posts. I’d like to concentrate on my writing as opposed to attempting to keep up with everyone else, for the moment. I just want to assure you, I’ll be okay. I’ve got to be as my son and the children are coming to stay for the weekend, so I’ll have to be okay for them. Thank you for caring so much. Xx 🖤

      1. You have no responsibility to your readers to read their blogs, Ellie. This is a choice, and you are the chooser. We will be here whether you read us or not. Your first and foremost concern is taking care of yourself. Life is not easy for anyone, relatively speaking. Some do have it worse than others, but no one is without some kind of pain. What we all have in common is life. Without life, we are nothing. And while that can sound tempting in certain circumstances, when we are in pain, ending the pain also means ending the joys that we sometimes feel. It means ending the love that we have for others, or others have for us.
        As you participate with your son and his family this weekend, ask yourself if you are willing to lose this. Will this weekend be a burden or a joy? Maybe even talk to him about your feelings (without the children around, unless they are old enough to understand.) Be honest. Be real. Be Ellie!

    1. Thank you so much. I wish I could feel it, too. I’ll be okay – I’ve got a friend coming over to stay with me for the day. Also, my doctor is calling me back later this afternoon. Then, my son and the children are coming for the weekend, so I really have no choice other than to be okay. Perhaps, that’s how it’s meant to be. Thank you for caring. Xx 🖤

    1. Dearest Granny. I’ll be okay. Try not to worry. Debbie is here this afternoon and my doctor is ringing me back later. I don’t have much choice other to be okay with my son and the children coming tomorrow. Perhaps, that’s how it’s meant to be. Love you lots Xxxx 🖤🖤🖤

  1. Rawgod is right – as usual! There is no obligation to read or comment on anyone’s posts. Take out that perceived time pressure and you may feel a little more relaxed and able to cope.

  2. That’s a scary state of mind to find yourself in, but I am sure that you’ll find the courage to pull yourself out of it. Hang in there, dear Ellie. Things will get better.

  3. Dearest Ellie. Oh, how I wish I could pluck these terrible thoughts from inside you and throw them down into a pit where nobody would find them. I’m glad to read you have family with you and you are being monitored by your doctor. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I’m going to email you my number if you ever just need someone to remind you how important and loved you are.

    1. Oh, Bridgette. You are so sweet and so kind. It would be lovely to be able to throw all my awful thoughts in a pit underground. It helped to have my son and grandchildren here for a couple of days. I haven’t read my emails yet, but will look out for yours – that is exceptionally kind and generous of you. I have to go out shortly but will check my inbox as soon as I get back. Hugs for you. Love also Xx 💜💐💙

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