As some of you will know, I had my last therapy session with my therapist, Chris, this afternoon. I’m not going to say it wasn’t tough because it was. We talked about what progress I’d made, even when I felt I wasn’t making any. We spoke about my poetry and whether I was going to continue writing. I am, naturally. I NEED to write – it’s the breath from my soul, and I would be lost and speechless without it. After I got home, admittedly in floods of tears, I wrote this poem to clear my mind and express my thoughts.
I’m thinking of taking a short break – not from writing, but, just for a while, from trying to keep up with all the blogs I follow (and that’s a lot) because I need some headspace to take stock of what I’m feeling, what I need and where I want to go from here. I will still be here and will, at least, try to read some blogs when I’m able to. I hope you will all understand.
Thank you so much to each of you who have been beside me and supported me through such a difficult few months. I’m eternally grateful. I’ll be back before too long.
With my love, Ellie Xx 💗🤍💗
~~~
My last session left me feeling distraught
I’m not being brave like I know I ought
Just before leaving, I asked for a hug
The answer was no, and I felt like a mug
She did, momentarily, hold my hand
Just briefly, though, as hugging was banned
I thought that this was so very kind
It calmed my heart and soothed my mind
I duly filled out the last questionnaire
To see, on the whole, how well I’d faired
I could see my progress, and more than a bit
I was somewhat surprised; I have to admit
Now, I have to wait for quite some time
I’ve got an awful long way to climb
I won’t be with Chris, but someone new
I hope I can bond with that person, too
She said it’ll be months before I’m seen
I’m wondering what I can do in between
I’m trying to find some way to cope
without completely losing all hope
I owe it to Chris, and I owe it to me
Not to turn this day into a tragedy
I hope I’ll be able to continue to write
It helps me to battle, and it helps me fight
I’m debating whether to take time out
To let myself fully get over this bout
I want to write, but less time to read
Right now, I have to do what I need.
“The last time always seems sad, but it isn’t really. The end of one thing is only the beginning of another.”
― Laura Ingalls Wilder, These Happy Golden Years
(Photo by Rowan Freeman on Unsplash)
Essentially Ellie 
Slow but sure, you create the path by walking.
Thank you, Patrick. I really like those words. I’ll still be writing – I just have to slow down and take a break from reading all the blogs I follow. Thanks for understanding.
Yes, do what you need, Ellie. 🌼
Thank you, Brit. I will still be writing as it keeps me sane and calm. I just need to take a short break to get my head together again. Hope you are well. Xx 🌹💕
I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I hope you can continue to make progress, even without Chris. It’s hard, I can’t even imagine how hard, but you have friends here. Keep in touch when you can. And try to self-heal when you can’t. ❤
Hello Linda. I’m so pleased to hear from you again. Believe it or not, I’ve still got your last email to me flagged in my inbox with the intention to reply, although I just haven’t been able to for a bit. Once I get my head together again, I will definitely write to you again. Thank you for thinking of me and for your kind and good wishes. Xx 🌹💕
I’m taking a planned break from writing, so you won’t miss much on my blog. And it’ll be there when you’re ready.
Thanks for telling me, Greg. I hope your planned break is a restful one. Sending good wishes to you.
Thank you 🙂
You’re strong enough to get thur this pain. Can you go to a spa or nail salon close by? That would make you feel good and will help your mental health.
Thank you very much, Melinda. We don’t have a spa that’s accessible for wheelchairs, but I could get my toenails done. I have a lady who comes to my house to do this. I will give her a ring and ask her to come to give me a foot treatment. Thank you for such a lovely and helpful idea. I hope you are well. Xx 💖
Exactly Ellie! Focus on YOU! I understand you. I’m very glad I’ve gotten to know you during this time dear friend. Take your break and do whatever it takes to make sure you’re okay. That’s all that matters. You’re so loved dear friend!
Hearts and hugs of sweet loving delight for you Ellie
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️💖❤️
Thank you for being so kind and understanding as you always are, my friend. I’m very glad I’ve met you here, too. I will still be writing, but won’t be able to keep up with all the blogs I ususally read for a while. I will be back doing that (and will still read a few) when I’m ready and feeling more rested. Thanks for being there for me so often and for all your love and hugs. They are always so appreciated. Big hugs for you, too. Take care of yourself. Xx 🤗🤗🤗💓💓💓💖💖💖🤗🤗🤗💝🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖💓💓💓🤗🤗🤗💖💖💖
I love this poem.
I sense a lot of positive vibes.
Take as much time as you need my friend.
Love you.
I’m glad you liked my poem, Granny. Thank you for constantly being by my side and full of understanding. I will still be writing but may not be able to keep up with too many blogs for a while. I will still email you, though, as I love doing that and want to stay in touch with you. Love you loads, my dear friend Xxxx 💓💞💖💞💓
Time doesn’t really exist, not the way humans are addicted to it. In the indigenous world, we have a phrase that more or less translates to: “I will see you when I get there.” No minute, hour, not even a day or year. But yet somehow, when a powwow or war is needed, everyone gets there when they need to.
In internet terms, when you come I will be here. Come when you are ready, or in need. If I am not here, I will be here when I can be. Go in peace.
Thank you so much, J, for such a kind and interesting reply. What a fascinating way to think about time. I will still be here to write still – I just need a break from trying to keep up with all the blogs I currently enjoy and read, and hope to keep up with just a few. Thank you for your much-appreciated support and wise words. Take care X 💗💓💖💓💗
You do you, Ellie. Aint none of us going to mind.
That’s such a beautiful phrase, Rawgod xx
Thanks, but I am just passing it along. rawgod
Don’t disappear altogether. I think continued connection is important and healthy. You’re surrounded by gobs of friends here on WP. I understand the hug thing, but it seems pretty cold. When Susan was a massage therapist, she said she often felt like a counselor too. I think the combination of having a person listen for an hour PLUS the human connection of the the massage was then most connection many of the people got. Pick up that cat of yours and squeeze it 🙂
Thank you, Jeff. I’m definitely not going to disappear. I will continue to write and post – I need that like I need air. I’m very blessed to have so many wonderfully supportive friends here and never take any of you for granted. Thank you for understanding about the lacking hug. That was so tough to accept. I think Susan must have been doing a wonderful job with her clients. What you (and Susan) say is just how I feel. For me, human connection is vital. It’s a shame you and Susan don’t live over here as I could have booked in with Susan for a few massages and to have that connection. Peanut is very independent but does often jump up for a brief cuddle. She’s great company and I don’t know how I’d cope without her. She’s my little furry friend 😺. How are you, Susan and Al bearing up? X 😊
Loved the lines.
All the best for everything!
Thank you, Vidah. I’m trying to stay positive. Thank you for your best wishes, too. X 💕
You’re most welcome!
Take all the time you need, Ellie. Without the pressure of feeling you have to post or read other’s posts, you may feel a little more able to cope.
Thank you, Mick. I will, no doubt, continue to write – it’s the only way I know to cope with my deepest feelings and with what’s going on in my life and head. Thanks for understanding I need a break and for your encouragement. X
Take care, Ellie.
As many of the Commentors have stated, take whatever time (for self) you need Ellie. We’ll all be here, more less. Barring life’s nasty curveballs of course. That’s an American baseball term, btw. 😉 OR… in your “proper” English Cricket terms: a nasty bowler throwing the ball at my wickets, FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! 😬😲 🤭
You know how to reach me lovely Lady. 💓 XOXO
Thank you, Dwain. It’s lovely to hear from you again. I’ve been meaning to write, but my head hasn’t been in the right space and I’ve been overloading myself with trying to keep up with all the blogs I follow (and that’s a lot). I’ve heard of the phrase, ‘throwing a curveball’, although, funnily enough I haven’t heard of the English cricket expression. Both very apt anyway. I hope you are well and I will be in touch again when I can. In the meantime, I intend to keep writing as that my soul’s way of breathing. I just might not be able to keep up reading and commenting on my followed blogs. I will miss that, but know I have to look after myself first, as you say. Take care of yourself, my friend. Hugs Xxx 🤗💓😘
Love the poem and love the Laura Ingalls wilder quote. So true, the beginning of something new! And yes, you owe it to yourself. You’ve worked too hard. As far as taking a break, you control that! That’s the beautiful thing about a blog. Will be waiting for your return!
Thank you so much, Brian. I found that quote quite ‘soothing’ in a way. I did, briefly, read your post yesterday and wanted to say congratulations on your new blog. I will, when I get back to full-time blogging again, take a proper look at your friends’ new blog, too. I will be continuing to write, though, as I need that like I need air. Thanks for caring, Brian. It means a lot to me.
Wishing you peace as you process what’s come up in counselling, and you think about your next steps. Direction WILL come ….
Thank you very much, Ann. I appreciate your kind words. Wednesday was extremely tough; Thursday, I was totally emotionally exhausted, but today, I have been to lunch with a friend and am beginning to feel a bit better. My friend encouraged me to look at some other groups and activities to pass the time while I’m on the long waiting list for another counsellor. I will try to take her advice. Xx 💖
💕
I’m so glad to see a hopeful outlook woven into the words of your poem, Ellie. Do what’s best for YOU. If that means spending less time on WP, we’ll be here if and when you decide to return. I wish you the very best in your next steps. ❤
Thank you so much, Penny. That’s kind of you to say. Thank you, too, for your good wishes. Xx 💓
I will say, maybe it’s the new beginning.
You got this. Easy for me to say, but you are never alone. You have huge family here.
Don’t worry about the unread blogs, they are still there.
Thank you, Devang. I am very lucky indeed to have such a lovely blogging family. I never take people for granted. I will get back to regular blog reading when I’ve recovered a bit more. Thanks, as always, for your support.
I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong and I know you can handle this as well. Stay blessed and take care of yourself first 💘. You’re precious 💕.
Lots of prayers and love for you ❤️.
Aww … thank you, Sana. That is so kind of you to say. Those are such lovely words and sentiments. Sending you much love and warm hugs Xx 💖🌷💞
Beautiful poem Ellie. I know exactly what you mean about needing to write. I think lots of us here feel the same way. Writing is our life’s blood. I know I couldn’t cope if I couldn’t write. I don’t let dry spells get to me though it can be frustrating. As far as your therapy, lots of us have been through tough times. I was bullied as a kid, did not have my first friend until High School. I carry high anxiety and depression to this day. The death of my mother was the worst in my life for depression. But the good thing is, you have eyes and ears here to listen to you, and be your sounding board, and you already know your poetry is therapy for others too. Hang in there.
Aww … thank you for such a kind and genuine comment, Brian. I agree – writing is my life and the lives of other bloggers are their own, too. I’m sorry you had such a tough time at school and were bullied. I never had any best friends throughout school and college and even in the workplace. I’ve only recently made a friend, who I consider to be my best friend and she feels the same. She is always there for me as are my wonderful and wonderful readers and followers of my blog. I’m so grateful for that. I understand about losing your mother being your worst day. It’s so hard to come to terms with when you lose someone that close and precious to you. I was very close to my Mum and still miss her every day. Thank you for all your encouragement, Brian.
Hoping you are finding firm ground as you endure this transition.
Thank you so much for your comment, Richard. That’s very kind of you to show you care and much appreciated. I am doing reasonably well at the moment – trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind occupied.
I was just this minute reading your blog. As well as liking the content, I love how you portray your cover image and images within the text. I haven’t seen anyone use that effect before – it’s very artistic and fascinating to look at. I’ve also listened to one of your voice recordings – you have a lovely tone to your speech.
We all need to work as best we can with the meager stuff we are made of…
Good morning, my dear! Sending warm hugs and love from Texas! 🙏💝
Hello, dear Pamelap. I’m sorry I didn’t reply earlier. I haven’t been too well today, so have only just switched my laptop on. I had a lot to do today, but nothing got done, and I’ve read no blogs at all. Thank you so much for your warm hugs and your love. I’m sending my love from Essex in the UK. Xx 💓🌹💓
Always! ❤️❤️
so beautiful to read, and take in… Deeply felt my friend , blessings to you always💜💜💜🙏🏾
Thank you so much, Krissy, for taking the time and thought to read this post. It’s a difficult time. Sending you love and light. Xx 💗🌹💗
I’m a new follower here Ellie so I don’t know your history but I will say i have eaten shit and died and I know what’s on the other side. Life unfolds in ways as you continue to open to what’s right on your path. In light and love… 💗
Thank you so much for taking the time to call in and for reading my blog, Cindy. I’m sorry you’ve been in that very dark place, too. I hope you’re in a better place now. I like your idea about life unfolding. Have a lovely day. Xx 🌷💖
This glorius poem is brimming with hope! ❤️🌸 Do whatever you need to do to feel better, Ellie. Everything else can wait. Take care.😊
Thank you so much, Aaysid. I’m glad you liked my poem and thought it was hopeful. It’s the direction I’m trying to go now; although naturally, I still have bad days, I’m hoping the good days will, at some point, outweigh the bad ones. Thank you very much for your encouragement. It means a lot. Xx 🌷💖🌼😊
Love the Wilder quote. I knew this was going to be hard for you and I’m so sorry she didn’t hug you. It must be hard for her to keep that kind of boundary…I know I’d love to give you a hug! Take all the time you need. Do the things you think might help you, and if that’s taking a long break from blogging, do it. I know many, many people here love you and we will all be here for you in anyway we can.
I like that quote, too. Thank you so very much for your empathy. It was very upsetting when Chris said she wasn’t allowed to hug me. I’d just thought, as I wouldn’t be seeing her ever again, that it would be okay. I was so disappointed. Thank you for your virtual hug. I keep saying I’m going to take a break from my blog but can’t seem to drag myself away from it. I do struggle with keeping up with reading so many other bloggers’ posts, though, and feel mean if I don’t. Thank you for being here for me. I can’t tell you how comforted that makes me feel. Xx 💖🌷💕
What a gorgeous poem of goodbyes and hopes for hellos to come. I love that writing let’s your soul breathe. Knowing how much you love to write reinforces to me how much of a true writer you are. You write because you love it! That’s the best reason ever. Take all the time you need to rest and recover. I hope you get time to spoil yourself with the things that make you happiest xx
Thank you so much, Janet. I love how you describe my writing, letting my soul breathe – that’s exactly how it feels to write. I did have a very short break (all of two days!), but I just can’t resist looking to see what my blogging buddies have written, even if it sometimes takes me a few days to comment. Xx 💓💕
Great quote you end with. Trust. Blessings.
Thanks, Selma. I appreciate your kind words. Xx 💖
Again, I love the style of your poetry and the story you tell with an engaging rhythm. I’m sorry to learn you currently have some physical challenges, but you appear to have good support from friends to cheer you on. I pray that God touches you with his healing hand.
Thank you so much, Nancy (sorry, for some reason, WP won’t let me ‘like’ your comment). I do definitely like and appreciate your words. Thank you for your blessing. It’s also appreciated. I have some wonderful friends and blogging buddies here on WP. I am very fortunate to have so much support and friendship in this blogging world of ours x