Dead In The Water

I know this is a bit unexpected, but I’ve recently become very unsure of myself as a writer (and a reader, too, come to that). I’m sitting in my chair in the living room and have spent the entire morning and much of the afternoon staring at a blank page, unable to write anything I consider worthy. Giving up on that idea, I decided to catch up on reading all the blogs I’m so behind on. I’ve read many repeatedly, and I’m still finding my mind completely vacant when it comes to responding to them.

Some of you will also know I’m taking a writing course with a group of writers and a tutor. We’ve just had a two-week break, and I should have written and submitted at least three pieces of work in that time. Yet, I haven’t managed to produce anything that would pass as halfway decent. I have until Wednesday morning to come up with something. My mind is blank, completely blank.

“So, what is going on?” I ask myself. I am still in a lot of pain from Friday’s difficult tooth extraction despite two types of painkillers and antibiotics, which aren’t doing much to alleviate my discomfort. I’m also worried that my lip and chin are still numb thirty-six hours after the procedure. That can’t be right, can it? Perhaps, I’ve got nerve damage. Now, I’m worrying even more. I’m telling myself to stop panicking, but I can’t phone the dentist till tomorrow because it’s a bank holiday weekend.

Apart from being in pain and not having slept for three nights, I’ve also just discovered that I should have come off my osteoporosis drug (Alendronic Acid) three months prior and following the extraction; otherwise, there is a very real risk of getting Osteonecrosis of the Jaw. That’s when the exposed jawbone in the gum dies, which can then spread to other parts of the bone in the jaw and face. I wasn’t given this information beforehand, so to say I am worried is somewhat of an understatement.

I began writing this at around 2pm yesterday, and here we are today at gone 2pm, and I’ve written nothing of any worth of interest. I’ve spent the entire morning flicking back and forwards through posts I want to read and comment on, but my concentration is severely lacking, and it’s past the stage of seeing anything other than panic and feeling overwhelmed.

I’m seriously wondering whether I should give up my writing course and blogging, although I know I’d miss all my classmates and blogging friends terribly. I don’t feel I have anything worthwhile to offer, and I shouldn’t expect others to take an interest in my writing if I cannot reciprocate. Perhaps, it would be better if I weren’t here. I feel hopeless, quite unlike my usual self. I think my desire to be a writer will never amount to anything. I am, for want of a better expression, dead in the water.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Author: Ellie Thompson

Writing my memoirs, musings, a little fiction and a lot of poetry as a way of exploring and making the most of my life ... ... Having had a break from writing my blog for more than three years, I decided to return to write my memoirs, some day-to-day observations, views and feelings. My passion is non-fiction poetry. I have a disability and use an electric powerchair called Alfie and let nothing get in the way of living life to the full. I believe that you can never do a kindness too soon and should give credit where credit is due. A smile or a kind word could make the difference between a good or bad day for a person - we never know what's going on for another soul. Those little things, perhaps, practised daily like a mantra, could mean so much to someone else. Thank you for visiting my blog and reading a little more about me. Please, make yourself at home here. You are very welcome. Ellie x 😊

73 thoughts on “Dead In The Water”

  1. Ellie please get yourself back to the dentist first thing hun.Im sure they must do emergency appointments.
    Your lack of sleep and your traumatic experience are probably the cause of your “block”.
    I get “blocks” and find them so frustrating😪.
    I have not been writing long and as it goes,always think what I write is garbage🤣.
    Even if you get a few lines down, and then go back to it.
    But for now hun, I think you need to look after you.
    Big hugs and feel better soon 🙏🙏🙏

    1. Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding, Maggie. I can call my dentist first thing in the morning, but no one is there today. I think you are right about my lack of concentration and ability to write being caused by the pain, trauma and lack of sleep. It’s a horrible feeling when you feel you have written garbage. I have to say, although I haven’t been following you for very long, there’s absolutely nothing on your blog that I would class as garbage – nothing at all. However, I can relate to the feeling. Thank you for your much-needed and appreciated hugs. Sending much love and many hugs to you, also. Xx 💖💐💖

      1. Atm Ellie your friends here will understand hun if you need time out.Your health must come first, nothing is more important!.
        Thank you too for all the support you have shown me, and for reading my work.
        I am always grateful.🙏💙🙏💙

        1. Thank you so much, Maggie. You are so kind. I always enjoy your blog and will get back to reading more of it as soon as I can. I am so grateful for your friendship and our meeting here on WP. Love Ellie Xx 💙💛💙

  2. You’re going through a slump, Ellie. It happens to all of us. I think that writing, in the past, has given you a great deal of pleasure. Don’t toss that away. Give yourself permission for some down time. If it’s that important to get something on the page, do just what you did here. Write about You. What you’re doing, what you’re feeling. Hell, write about the weather, good or bad! The subject doesn’t matter. And as far as having something something “halfway decent”. Go easy on yourself. When it comes to writing, not everything is great. I’ve read that you have to write garbage and get it out of the way, in order to write the good stuff. I’ve written lots of stinkers! Hang in there, Ellie. ❤

    1. Thank you for your understanding, Penny. I do usually get a lot of pleasure out of my writing; you are right; it’s just that right now, I’m full of doubt. My writing course starts again on Thursday and I have written nothing. Thank you for reassuring me that it’s okay to write just about how I’m feeling as I did today. I’ve always been quite hard on myself, but am really struggling with my own self-worth at the moment. Perhaps, when I get back to the dentist tomorrow and get some sleep tonight (with a bit of luck), I’ll start to feel better. I guess it’s not helping that I can’t eat anything much right now, either, so I’m not getting enough goodness and energy. I will do my best to hang in there. Thanks again, my friend. Xx 💙

  3. Writing slumps are truly the most challenging times for all us writers, so I encourage you to find ways to push through. I find doing everything but writing improves my mindset and writing about my inability to write always helps as well. May the words flow! ❤

    1. I agree with you, Layla, and thank you for your comment. I don’t think it’s being helped much at the moment because of the pain and lack of food and sleep. I will try to take a leaf out of your book, and try reading a good novel for a while. Thanks again. Xx 💙

  4. Hopefully you have already done this:
    Start with 5 deep slow breaths, in through your nose, out through your mouth.
    Get on your wheelchair and go for a drive around the area. Stop for a tea or coffee somewhere you are familiar with and feel safe in.
    Talk to a stranger. Tell him or her about your dental experience, or whatever else comes to your mind.
    Drive home slowly, taking note of the people bustling around you, the garbage in the street (or its cleanliness if you have clean streets), pet a dog or a pussycat.
    Come home and write intentionally about your excursion. (Do not judge it while you are writing. Just write until the story is finished — when you come back in your door.)
    Either save your story, or throw it in the garbage, doesn’t matter.
    Pet your pussycat.
    And if that doesn’t work, write me an email about how frustrated you are, and how I should mind my own effin’ business! (

    1. Thanks for the reminder to breathe, J. Good timing, as I had forgotten. I’ve taken some deep breaths now. Thank you, too, for all your suggestions. I can’t go out today as I’m in my PJs, having had a quick shower earlier. But tomorrow, I will give that a try. Other than phoning the dentist in the morning to see what is happening and find out whether he needs to see me again, the day will be my own.

      Providing the pain isn’t too unbearable, I will take your advice and go out in the morning. I nearly always stop to talk to people on my route when I go out., especially older people or people with children or pets. I’ll smile at anyone, though – I feel that I could, just perhaps, bring a bit of lightness to someone’s world by giving a simple smile or greeting. My motto is ‘You can never do a kindness too soon.’

      The streets aren’t very clean in the town. I do litter-picking on Thursdays with my XR friends, and you’d be amazed how much we collect in a couple of hours. People can be so lazy. Often, there are lots of cigarette buts on the ground right next to a council waste bin!

      I expect Peanut will wake up soon from her afternoon snooze and want some food. I love it when she sits on my lap for a cuddle, although it can make writing difficult simultaneously, as you can imagine.

      Thank you for your email address, too. That’s kind of you and appreciated. And I can promise you I definitely don’t want to tell you to mind your own business at all. You are always so helpful and practical and your comments and friendship are much appreicated X 💙💙💙

      1. I try. Some people appreciate it, some people don’t. I just think of what I went through in my life, and ways I managed to overcome the bad times. There were plenty of bad times to learn from, unfortunately. So if I can help someone to get better faster, that is my goal. 🐱🐶🐈🐕🦄🐕🐈🐶🐱

        1. I definitely appreciate your suggestions and comments, J. Always. I know you’ve been to hell and back in your life, as I have too. Naturally, we have had different experiences, but I feel we are often on the same wavelength. You always know what to say at the right time, my friend, and I greatly appreciate that. Take care of yourself. 💜💙💚💛💚💙💜

  5. About 15 years ago during an operation, the medical team scuffed my lower jaw as they inserted a tube down my throat. We I woke up from the surgery, I felt the sore, puffy area with my tongue but gave it no more thought. Weeks later, it still felt odd to touch with my tongue. I Saw a dentist. Her reaction was “OMG, YOUR BONE IS EXPOSED, WE’RE GOING TO NEED TO REMOVE SEVERAL TEETH AND A LARGE PORTION OF YOUR LOWER JAW!!!” The next doctor I saw, an oral surgeon, said “Let’s have you take some antibiotics. This will likely clear up.” And it did. As a funny aside, a month or two later, I was checking out in the grocery store with Sophie, and a really thin sliver of bone, maybe the size of a dime, worked it’s way out through the skin where the bone had been exposed. When I popped it out of my mouth to show Sophie, the cashier looked on in utter disgust. So I guess I’m saying watch for infection and take antibiotics if necessary, but I wouldn’t start to freak out until a doctor yells at you in all caps, or better yet, when you get a second opinion.

    Re: your blogging crisis: You’re putting way to much pressure on yourself. If you can’t think of anything t write on someone else’s blog, just write “Good post, I liked this.” I don’t know much about poetry and I know nothing about the publishing market for it, but based on the few short stories I’ve read on your blog, your writing is certainly worthy of being published. Have you tried sending stories out to any of the sites that publish short stories? I think you should try. And we all get writers block. I’ve really been struggling to get stuff out recently. Stick with it!

    1. Oh, my goodness, Jeff; how awful for you to go through that. I’m so sorry to hear that. I bet you were glad to take the antibiotics rather than have such a huge and, no doubt, traumatic operation on your jaw. How horrific for you, though. The dentist gave me five days’ worth of Penicillin to take as there is a risk of the bone getting infected. However, he didn’t mention the chance of getting ONJ (Osteonecrosis of the Jaw), so whether he was aware of the condition, I really don’t know. I’ll certainly be asking him tomorrow. I’m also concerned about the numbness not having worn off after the injections three days ago. I’m hoping it won’t be permanent nerve damage. I’ve never experienced this with dental surgery before, so I’m unsure. Again, I will mention this to him tomorrow. Thanks for your reassurance; I will try to stop panicking. I hope you’ve fully recovered from your jaw problems now.

      As for writing, I’m finding it easier to write how I feel rather than anything imaginative or clever, but when it comes to reading, I just can’t focus. I feel guilty if I’m not supporting other readers, especially those of whom I’m very fond. My mind goes blank. Perhaps my concentration will improve if I take some pressure off myself. It’s not helping that I can’t eat anything besides custard, mashed banana, yoghurt and soup, and I’m not sleeping. Thank you for being so encouraging about my writing. I received a very sarcastic comment from a reader this morning, which really upset me and totally knocked my self-confidence.

      I have been thinking about self-publishing for a while now, but it seems like a minefield to me. I couldn’t afford to pay a publisher either. I’m sorry you are struggling with the dreaded writer’s block at the moment, too. Thanks for your much-valued friendship, Jeff 🌟.

      1. Sheesh, you’re clearly upset, why would someone leave a sarcastic comment. People are absolute idiots. Self publishing an ebook was about 100 times easier than a paper book, so keep that in mind if you ever want to dabble. I’m sure the doctor will be on the lookout for any odd signs when you see them tomorrow. The spot in my mouth is scarred so it feels weird, and I constantly poke at it with my tongue, especially when my tourette tics are amplified.

        1. I did find their comment upsetting, I must admit. I don’t know why they said what they said – I’ll probably never know.

          If possible, I’d like to publish a paperback, but perhaps, I should start small with an e-book. It might then give me the confidence to publish a paperback later.

          I’ll be interested to hear what the dentist says tomorrow, especially about the risks and the numbness. Scars always feel weird, don’t they? I’ve got more than I care to mention, as you will undoubtedly remember.

          Thanks, as always, for your support, Jeff. It means a lot to me. X

  6. Stop the bus right there.
    Nothing wrong with your writing.
    You have the material for your course right here.
    Talk about how you are feeling right now.
    There are so many people who will relate.
    I am one of them.

    1. Thank you, Granny. I very much appreciate your vote of confidence. I’m six courses down the line in my writing classes, so expectations are pretty high now. I usually enjoy the challenges, but right now, I’m stumped for anything ‘good enough’ to submit. Perhaps, I could send this post to my tutor by way of explaining where I’m at at the moment. It will probably help me when I can eat properly and get some much-needed sleep. I think three nights without sleep is playing tricks on my mind. Thank you for being able to relate to my writing, although I wouldn’t want to wish how I’m feeling right now on you. Sending you much love, my friend. Xxx 💖🌹💖

  7. If you begin to judge the words as they flow they will stop. If you begin to worry about whether you can be a writer you will not. Doubt kills. Overcome the doubt by allowing your creative soul to unwind without judgement – journal first and then return to blogging each day

    1. Thank you very much for your wise comment, Kate. I think you are right about doubt killing our creativity. I used to journal daily, but I haven’t been doing this for two or three weeks. I don’t know why – I think I just got carried away with all the practicalities of life. I will definitely start doing that again from tomorrow morning. Thank you for kindly reminding me of this. Xx 🌷

  8. Dear Ellie. One of the hardest things for survivors ( like us) of childhood abuse to do is take care of themselves. Everything and everyone has more priority. We forget our own needs and forget to love ourselves and show ourselves compassion.
    Your latest posts share how tough your week has been. That is the toughest stuff to write. They are a reflection of where you are right now.
    Your creativity is going to be affected by your health, especially if there is pain. It is okay to rest and take care of yourself.
    I will be here when you are feeling better, and I understand the need to take a break.
    Take care of yourself, Ellie. You are more important than what you do or don’t do.
    Love Allie Xx

    1. Dear Allie, thank you so much for your deep level of understanding and care. I agree with you; I’m not used to being kind to myself, but care very much for others and their feelings. The pain and trauma has definitely affected my creativity, as you said. I’ve just spoken to the dentist who have given me a emergency appointment for this afternoon. I’m still in a lot of pain and my chin and lip are still numb. Thank you very much for being there for me and for you patience. I can’t tell you how much that means to me. With love, Ellie Xx 💐💕

  9. I’m not the type to give advice, but I’m happy to share when I find some. So on that note, dear Ellie, I am moved to share w/ you some of my favorite writing advice of all time. (You’d think I would remember who wrote this if it matters that much but I’m not sure. I think it was Anne Lamott). Anyway, the advice (I am paraphrasing) was this, and I wish I had it much sooner: If you are not sure if you should continue, stop. Writing is a pain in the patoot and mostly punishing, so instead of hoping for something to come out of it, you should just quit now (subtext: and see if that works. . . if it does, you’re free! If it doesn’t, I guess you’re stuck writing, outcomes be damned! Either way, very liberating). Sending love to you, Ellie, and hoping you feel better soon, and get some rest. xoxo

    1. Dear Stacey. Thank you so much for your advice and the words of Anne Lamott. I want to keep writing, although I cannot write to the standard I would like. I like reading the work of my blogging friends, but when it comes to offering a comment, my mind goes blank. I know that everyone understands, so I am only putting myself under this pressure. I spoke to my dentist this morning, and they want to see me for an emergency appointment this afternoon. I’m hoping they will be able to help and that I will soon be out of pain and able to eat again. Thanks again, Stacey. Sending love to you, also and thank you for your get well wishes. Xx 💐💕

      1. I am so glad to hear that you were able to get into the dentist. For what it’s worth, I don’t know of any writers who are satisfied that they are writing to the standard they would like. (lol, maybe when someone gets there, they just quit altogether and spend more time outdoors!) Love and hugs to you, Ellie.

  10. Please take care of yourself, Ellie.
    Maybe you can take a short break and come back afresh, you are indeed an amazing writer.
    Even, this post is about your writing talent, you can continue sharing how you are feeling if nothing else.😊

    1. Thank you so much, Vidah, for your kind words and encouragement. It does help me to share how I am feeling, but I am having trouble writing comments that make sense on my blogging friends’ writings. Thanks again, my friend. Xx 💙

  11. You’ve had plenty of good advice already about your teeth, Ellie, and I’m sure when you get to see the dentist again they’ll be able to reassure you. As for your writing – writer’s block, imposter syndrome, lack of confidence…they happen to all of us, probably a lot more than you realise. I’m sure every writer at some point has thought they are the only ones going through that and every other writer cruises through their life confidently and assuredly. Well, take a break if you need it, but I’d also suggest just keep writing your poems for now. You’re getting very good at that. And write them for yourself, without an audience in mind. After all, whatever we write should always be, primarily, for ourselves.

    1. Morning, Mick. Thanks very much for your advice – I appreciate your words. I phoned the dentist first thing, and they said to go for an emergency appointment at 4.10pm as I’m still in pain, numb, and unable to eat properly (no solid food).

      I think you’re right about the imposter syndrome – that seems to fit exactly how I feel now. I would still like to write when I can, and although I enjoy reading my blogging friends’ writing, I’m finding it challenging to assemble my words to make any sense in a comment. I still enjoy writing my poetry, so as you suggested, I shall continue to write that, especially as I find it very cathartic. I will wait and see what becomes of the day today. Perhaps, I will write something after I’ve returned from the dentist and know more. Having said that, I’m sure everyone must be very fed up with hearing the tales of my dental treatment by now. But yet, you are quite right; we are primarily writing for ourselves. This helps me a lot, so thank you for your wise words. Wishing you a lovely day there. We are meant to get thunder and lightning this afternoon, probably just as I step foot (or wheel) out of the door! At the moment, it is gloriously sunny. X

      1. There’re certainly times I feel it difficult to phrase a comment or a reply to something on a blog post – that’s when I just read and perhaps just leave a ‘like’. Obviously, none of us are obliged to read and comment on every post from someone we follow – I certainly don’t, there just isn’t enough time apart from anything else.

        Something else that might be useful: I have lots of half-written blog posts and other pieces, and I’ve no idea what will eventually come of them but if I’m feeling stuck I’ll sometimes flick through them and maybe add a sentence or two to something, then I feel I’m at least doing some writing.

        Hope all goes well at the dentist. We are due to get thundery showers later, as well. It’s already beginning to look rather ominous. x

        1. I’m so glad I’m not alone in struggling to formulate a halfway decent comment. I do always read and like the posts from other bloggers; it’s just the comments I struggle with.

          Thank you for your helpful suggestion. I do have a piece I’ve been working on. Perhaps, I will take another look at that. As you say, at least, I’ll feel like I haven’t lost my ability to write that way.

          I’ve got to leave in about an hour to allow myself to get to the dentist in time on Alfie. I’m going to pop into Tesco while I’m out to get some more bananas and custard, not that I feel in the least bit like shopping – what an exciting life I lead!! I just hope I don’t get caught in a storm. X

  12. You don’t think anything, you think positive, you carryon you write blog. Just good post . I like this. Don’t Stop writing, your blog will be here when you return and need to be sorry . God bless you, Ellie ❤️

    1. Thank you very much, Rajkkhoja. You are so kind. Thank you, too, for liking my writing from yesterday. I hope I will be feeling better soon and able to write properly. Hugs for you Xx 💚

          1. Thanks, you share to me it’s. Tack care I hop & I pray you fell better soon. God bless you 😉

  13. Hey friend; I am sorry about your tooth problems. I believe you should go back to your dentist (as an emergency) if the pain is still there beyond the hours after the extraction. I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I have missed you and a big hug, Ellie!

    1. Thank you very much, Thompson. I now have an emergency dental appointment at 4.10pm this afternoon. I’m hoping they can shed some light on what’s going on with my tooth and gum. I’ve missed you, too and am sending big hugs for you, also. X 🤗.

  14. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

    You are a terrific writer and in the past you have created many lovely poems.

    Rn, maybe you need a change of pace. Try with something different. Something that doesn’t require thinking and more research. I am sure you can do it.

    Please feel good.

    I hope things goes well with your jaw.

    About the old blogs, read them one by one and don’t stress.

    1. Thank you, Devang. You are very kind. I have an emergency dental appointment at 4.10pm this afternoon, so should know more about what is happening after then. Thank you for your encouragement.

    1. Thank you so much, Geoff. That’s so kind of you to say, and I appreciate it very much. I am extremely fortunate to have so many lovely blogging friends here who care about me. I am very blessed in that way. I care for them greatly, too. I hope you are well. X

  15. Ellie, if I were in as much pain as you, I would have writer’s block, too. Your next post proved that you are an excellent writer and poet. I have long stretches when I am not inclined to write. Sometimes I am happy, others times not. The muse eventually returns to me when the time is right. Be of good hope. K x

  16. Darling Ellie, I hope you can see from all the kind comments how loved you are and that no one wants you to “go away” and not write anymore. I love hearing how you are going and am so happy to just read about your life and not expect anything back – honestly! I just want you to be well and happy again. I hope the Dentist can sort you out. I hope by now you’ve seen him, he’s put you at ease and that you’re home resting with your beloved cat. I’m sending you lots of love. Please don’t give up on your writing course or on writing a blog, I love hearing how you are and I’m sure your writing mates would miss you too. Take as much rest as you can, eat good foods (or just cake and jelly if you want to – whatever makes you happy) and come back to writing when you feel up to it. I believe in you xx

    1. Dear Janet, I feel very blessed that I have such good friends here on WP. Everyone has been so kind and understanding. Thank you, too, for your love and care, which means an awful lot to me. It’s surprised me how quickly I’ve gone ‘down’ because of a tooth extraction, albeit a very complex and difficult one. I have to go back to the dentist tomorrow and he will be able to tell me what the next step will be. At the moment, the pain is still bad and it’s making me feel lightheaded and sick.

      I really don’t want to give up on my blog, as writing is my passion. I wrote my ‘Too Many Peas’ poem yesterday to distract me from the pain. It helped while I was writing it. My writing is helping me focus on something positive rather than just getting overwhelmed with the pain. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten this much custard, nor mashed peas. Jelly would be good – I will make some of that later this morning. That will be perfect as it will sleip down without having to try to chew, which is painful still. Thank you so, so much for still believing in my, my dear, dear friend. Much love Xx 💛

  17. I don’t think anyone can write when they are both in pain and worried about what is going on! Please contact the dentist as soon as possible to get some relief, and don’t worry about your blog or anyone else’s. What’s important now is for you to heal…we’ll be here when you’re ready to write again, and so will your writing group.

    1. Thank you very much for understanding, Ann. I did contact the dentist last night, but he just said that the pain will ease, although it hasn’t yet. I’m now waiting for a callback from my doctor to see if she can give me some more effective painkillers. I’ve managed to write a bit as this seems to take my mind off of the pain; it’s just the reading I’m having trouble with, as my concentration is very poor right now. I did join my writing class yesterday morning, although I had my camera and sound off (Zoom) as it hurts to talk and my face is swollen. I’m going to try to write something different today if I have time as I realise I’ve spent my last few blog posts talking about my dental experience, which must be quite tiresome for others to read about. Writing definitely helps take my mind off of the pain. X 🌹

        1. Thank you for your kind and generous comment, Ann. I am finding it helps to take my mind off my pain when I write. At least, I can find something positive (in my last poem anyway) amongst all that. X 😘

  18. Oh, Ellie, go easy on yourself. Writer’s block is a real thing. You write beautifully… so although you can’t share anything right now, it’s only temporary. I realize this is 4 days ago, but still wanted to say this incase you still feel the same. By the way, the pressure to write something can do this … maybe enjoy other things until something comes to you unexpectedly. 🌼

    1. Thanks so much, Brit. You are very kind to say that I write beautifully. I’m aware that my last few posts have been about my dental experience and I want to write something different today as it must be getting tiresome for my readers to read about my pain every time. I have found that writing helps as it takes my mind off my pain; it’s the reading I’m struggling to concentrate on. I seem to get writer’s block quite a lot, and it’s so frustrating, especially when I’m desperate to write something. Thanks for caring, and I’m looking forward to reading your 100-word fiction piece sometime today. X 🌷

      1. Your readers are on a journey with you, so posts about what you’re going through aren’t tiresome if you’re giving updates. Can you listen to books, etc. since you’re struggling to write? Just know that what you’re experiencing is temporary and things will get better. 🌼

  19. The biggest lesson I’ve learned as a creative is this—we can’t create when we are depleted. We need to fill up our creative bucket. You need inspiration. Perhaps go and visit your tree and take an afternoon to stare at it. See what comes. Go, sit at a coffeeshop or pub, listen to the talk. Take it in. I guarantee you that you will find something to spark that creative energy inside you.

    Ellie, you are far too hard on yourself. Nobody on WP expects you to keep up with their content (really). It’s a blessing when you stop by and spread your lovely comment goodness, but it’s not an expectation. It’s simply a gift. You can’t give the gift if you aren’t feeling filled up yourself.

    It’s OKAY to not read other blogs. It’s OKAY to take a break. It’s OKAY to write things that you think are bad and post them anyway. The world needs your voice and your unique blend of magic. I’ve never met anyone like you before. You write interesting things about a life I don’t live. Please, please do what you can to fill up that creative bucket. I need you here.

    1. Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful comment, my friend. You are quite right. When I get overtired or am unwell, it’s more difficult to concentrate and to be creative. I haven’t been out for several days, except for visits to the dentist, so the only inspiration I have had has come from those experiences, although my last poem (yesterday) was a slightly different take on this and my pain. I tried to write a little humour into the situation and found it did help me a bit.

      I haven’t been down to visit my tree for many months. It’s been too cold to go all that way during the winter months. I have been meaning to go, though, now that the weather is milder, although we haven’t had much warmth this Spring so far. I enjoy going to coffee shops, too, but haven’t done this for a while, either. I will definitely set a morning or afternoon aside to do this again. You are right, you do hear all sorts of conversataions going on between people in those places.

      I know I am very hard on myself – some of it stems from never thinking I had any worth or was simply ‘enough’. Also, lack of confidence plays a part. I know that people pleasing and imposter syndrome play a part in my struggles to read other blogs and in my writing. I’ve just sent my two last poems to my writing tutor, but half expecting that she will come back to me with criticism. I will wait and see if she replies and what her feedback, if any, is.

      I try to keep up with everyone’s blogs, but I also know that this can get stressful sometimes, as I follow so many people and like to leave comments rather than just ‘likes.’ I guess I should go easier on myself.

      Thank you so much for your last paragraph. You really are so, so kind. I just write about whatever is going on in my life, so as always I’m also writing from my heart and soul. Occasionally, I’ve managed a short piece of fiction, but, even then, it’s usually based on a truth in my life. I will, as you say, try to fill up my creative bucket (what a lovely expression). I am always here for you, dear Bridgette. I always will be while it is in my power to be. So much love to you, dear friend. Xxx 🥰.

  20. Ellie, you are one of the best writer I know. If I had your writing skills I would have several published books, definitely poetry. No disrespect but please do not say “I know this is a bit unexpected, but I’ve recently become very unsure of myself as a writer,” please give me your ✍️ skills.

    1. Aww, thank you, Tangie. Every now and then, I have doubts about my writing ability. I think it may have come from being told I was hopeless at writing at school and failing my English exams, too. Thank you for reassuring me that I can do better than this and that I can indeed write.

      How are you now, Tangie? I’m aware that you suffer a lot of pain, too. Are you getting any relief at the moment? I do hope so. Xx 💐💕

        1. Thank you for your encouragement, Tangie.I’m very glad that your pain is beginning to ease up following your hand surgery. I hope it heals very soon. Xx 🌹

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