A Few More Hours In The Day, Please

Well, here I am again, finding I can’t keep up with everything I need to do, and my head is spinning! I’ve had to be out all day today; tomorrow, I have some work to do on a project; Saturday, my best friend is coming for lunch; and on Sunday, I said I’d go along to the local Quakers Meeting House to accompany a friend to a service for the first time. It should be interesting, and I am looking forward to it. I also have a lot of coursework to do, as I’m getting behind on that, too. Please, forgive me, once again, for missing some of your blogs for now. I need a few more hours in the day, or perhaps, a few more days in the week. Anyone here got a few to sell, by any chance 😁!?

Add to all that the severe pain 😖I still have following my botched tooth extraction. I’m on stronger medication than morphine to try and get on top of the pain. It does render me a bit incapable sometimes, as I keep nodding off. It’s difficult to be productive when your brain is frequently ‘logging out 😶!’ The medication is making my hands shake, too, so I constantly make mistakes when typing. All I can say is, “Thank goodness for *Grammarly!”

Anyway, I’ll leave it there for now. I humbly apologise for not reading your brilliant work recently. I am in the process of writing a poem, but I think that’s about all I can manage for the moment.

I know you are all kind and understanding, and you may be fed up with me pleading “overload” again, but I’d rather be honest about things than just suddenly disappearing into the ether.

I may be able to read a few blogs over my busy weekend, but I’ve learned not to allow myself to get exhausted. I know my health is important, whether physical, mental or emotional. I wish you all really well and I hope that you enjoy your weekend, whatever you are doing. If you’re alone and don’t want to be, I send you kind thoughts, calm and peace ☮.

That’s all for now … Much Love, Ellie Xx 💓

Image by atlascompany on Freepik

Dead In The Water

I know this is a bit unexpected, but I’ve recently become very unsure of myself as a writer (and a reader, too, come to that). I’m sitting in my chair in the living room and have spent the entire morning and much of the afternoon staring at a blank page, unable to write anything I consider worthy. Giving up on that idea, I decided to catch up on reading all the blogs I’m so behind on. I’ve read many repeatedly, and I’m still finding my mind completely vacant when it comes to responding to them.

Some of you will also know I’m taking a writing course with a group of writers and a tutor. We’ve just had a two-week break, and I should have written and submitted at least three pieces of work in that time. Yet, I haven’t managed to produce anything that would pass as halfway decent. I have until Wednesday morning to come up with something. My mind is blank, completely blank.

“So, what is going on?” I ask myself. I am still in a lot of pain from Friday’s difficult tooth extraction despite two types of painkillers and antibiotics, which aren’t doing much to alleviate my discomfort. I’m also worried that my lip and chin are still numb thirty-six hours after the procedure. That can’t be right, can it? Perhaps, I’ve got nerve damage. Now, I’m worrying even more. I’m telling myself to stop panicking, but I can’t phone the dentist till tomorrow because it’s a bank holiday weekend.

Apart from being in pain and not having slept for three nights, I’ve also just discovered that I should have come off my osteoporosis drug (Alendronic Acid) three months prior and following the extraction; otherwise, there is a very real risk of getting Osteonecrosis of the Jaw. That’s when the exposed jawbone in the gum dies, which can then spread to other parts of the bone in the jaw and face. I wasn’t given this information beforehand, so to say I am worried is somewhat of an understatement.

I began writing this at around 2pm yesterday, and here we are today at gone 2pm, and I’ve written nothing of any worth of interest. I’ve spent the entire morning flicking back and forwards through posts I want to read and comment on, but my concentration is severely lacking, and it’s past the stage of seeing anything other than panic and feeling overwhelmed.

I’m seriously wondering whether I should give up my writing course and blogging, although I know I’d miss all my classmates and blogging friends terribly. I don’t feel I have anything worthwhile to offer, and I shouldn’t expect others to take an interest in my writing if I cannot reciprocate. Perhaps, it would be better if I weren’t here. I feel hopeless, quite unlike my usual self. I think my desire to be a writer will never amount to anything. I am, for want of a better expression, dead in the water.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash