Reality she feigns so well
Till the closet doors slam shut
A sureness of the truth becomes
A feeling from the gut
She’s dancing in the shadows
Tar running through her veins
Weaving webs of gossamer
Till nothing pure remains
Just then her hushed emotions
Tucked carefully away
Go screeching to the hills
As night follows on from day
The darkness wears disguises
Where her heart and soul had been
Closely guarded secrets
Always clever, never seen
And the devil burns so brightly
When the skeletons come out
The enigma slowly surfacing
Until there is no doubt
I know the sun is shining, and the blossom in full bloom
But an air of deep depression permeates this room
The ‘black dog’, Churchill called it; I can understand just why
It’s by no means unfamiliar; a common passer-by
It’s not a welcome visitor, nor did it ask permission
To come and lodge a while, so I eye it with suspicion
It has visited before, this dark presence in my brain
Oh, how I bid it leave me and not return again.
The past came back to haunt me yesterday
I thought I was over all that
It suddenly came flooding back
When opposite my counsellor, I sat
I cried a river of tears
As I remembered the sickening pain
I didn’t want to go back to that place
To experience everything again
The adult within me departed
Although I was sat in my seat
I could feel myself drifting away
As my heart skipped its regular beat
My thoughts were transported elsewhere
To a time so long ago
The world seemed unreal as time transposed
My agony completely on show
I had gone somewhere else in my mind
Somewhere distant and safe
I couldn’t be touched from where I was hidden
As I became the child, the waif
Gradually soft words broke through
It’s okay, you’re secure, you’re here
The voice, far away, waited patiently
Till the muffled speech became clear
Her voice brought me back to the room
My head cleared as she reached out her hand
The fear left and the pain abated
As I began to understand
My adult returned; it was time to go
Slowly, I walked to the door
I thanked her and smiled as the sun shone in
For I knew I was healing for sure.
I see a shadow in the mirror that I barely recognise
But a stranger in my room? No, I think not
But then, could I be mistaken? I’m not sure if I’d know
So, I carefully take aim and fire a shot
There’s a scream to be heard but is it him or is it me?
Is he wounded, lying bleeding on the floor?
Does my heart possess a scar or open wound to see?
Or has he crept very quietly out the door?
But, it’s late now; nearly black and the night is pulling in
Can you see him? Is he hiding out the back?
I am cautious, naturally; almost scared to take a look
Is he sane; a simple fool; a maniac?
There’s a monster in my mirror, and he’s staring back at me
Leave politely, shut the door and go away!
He won’t listen to my pleading, and he doesn’t hear me cry
Now it’s dark, and he’s bedded down to stay.
(Image source unknown)