A New Face – Where Have I Gone? (A Poem)

Just in case you find yourself
wondering where I’ve gone
I haven’t sold my soul out
to that company, Amazon

I’m a new amalgamation
I’m still here and safe and sound
My yin and yang are balanced
as I stand firmly on the ground

If you’re looking for a reason
why I’ve gone and changed my theme
I’m painting on a new face
to prop up my self-esteem

Here, you’ll see my work in colour
My background, clean and white
The crisp lines of my writing
are far better on the sight

Have you noticed my new title?
No more ‘Thompson’ in my name
Simply ‘Essential Ellie’
I say without an ounce of shame

I haven’t had a change for ages
so, I thought this a good time
The hour is getting late now
I’ve been working overtime

And so I leave you till tomorrow
I think I’ll go and read instead
I’m tired of all this thinking
Night, night, I’m off to bed.

Please note: I wrote this in about 15-minutes, far too late at night. I daresay, it’s far from perfect, but I just wanted to explain my new ‘look’ to save any confusion to any of my readers who might be wondering ‘where’ I’ve gone. Sweet dreams.

Love Ellie Xx 💓💓💓

Photo by Дмитрий Хрусталев-Григорьев on Unsplash

Staring at Walls

A sense of numbness resides in my brain.
protecting me from the constant, repeating pain
of losing not a loved one but someone I treasure
whose help and support have been words I could measure

Six weeks of sessions left may sound like a lot
but from my side of the fence, it feels like it’s not
as my mind takes over and makes all the rules
I still dissociate and find myself staring at walls

I go elsewhere in my head to escape the trauma
that exists in my core with me trapped in the corner
with him calling the shots; the bastard, the shit
I’m rarely foul-mouthed, but he deserves all of it

I must try my best with the short time I have left
Try not to melt or disappear when feeling bereft
The time will go quickly; then, they’ll be no more C*
I wonder and worry how much they’ll be left of me

If I find someone new; if I get on the long list
I’ll still wish I was with C*; she’ll be so sorely missed
It won’t be the same as when I first started out
Will I be able to trust again? Right now, I’m in doubt

Now I’m counting the minutes, the hours and the days
like a kindergarten game or a new nursery craze
There’s so much of me still needing to mend
Who will I finally be if I ever get to the end?

*C – Counsellor

Image source – Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash