(For my coursework this week, we had to write a piece called ‘The Breakdown.’ It had to be under 500 words, which was quite challenging. I based it mostly on my marriage and a little on that of my parents. This is my story.)
They’d only been married for two years when the relationship began to break down—two years of Sheila convincing herself it would all be okay. He would change.
Then, along came child number one, which triggered a raft of jealousy in her husband. He resented the time their little one took up with breastfeeding, nappy changes and wakeful nights.
He began to stay out more and often came in hours later, well after his workday had ended. Sheila couldn’t help but wonder where he was and what he was doing. He often came home drunk and insisted Sheila got into bed with him with the stench of alcohol on his breath, not even having showered or brushed his teeth. Sheila didn’t want to be near him in that filthy state, so she wriggled to the last ten inches on the opposite side of the bed, hoping the drink would have left him sleepy enough for him to leave her alone. Her wish for this rarely came true, and she was left to endure his cruellest, nastiest side.
Eighteen months later, baby two came along, which only served to magnify his envy of the time it took Sheila to care for two young children, one a new baby. His viciousness increased, and Sheila was often left with cuts and bruises, which she tried to hide with make-up to protect her parents from the truth. When her injuries were more prominent, she would pretend to her parents that she or one of the children were unwell and couldn’t visit.
Sheila felt very alone; she had no friends since her husband had banned the few she did have from the house and forbade Sheila to go out other than to visit her parents or if she or the children needed to be seen by a doctor, health visitor, or medical specialist. It was such a miserable and often unbearable existence. She often thought about confiding in her Mum or one of the professionals but was too scared of the lashback there would be if he found out she’d given away his secrets.
The children were growing fast; the following year, the eldest would have to begin school, and the youngest due to start nursery. Sheila thought that perhaps this would be her opportunity to have good reason to escape the house on a regular basis. The thought of this opportunity cheered Sheila briefly, especially as she may be able to strike up some friendships with other mothers at the school.
However, in the intervening months, her husband got drunk more often, came in later and beat Sheila black and blue when the mood took him.
One day, Sheila stood looking at her bruises. If only she had listened to her heart as she stood in front of her dressing table mirror at her parents’ house, staring at herself in her white lace, veiled wedding dress at the tender age of nineteen, knowing with a certainty that this was so wrong.
(499 word essay)
©Ellie Thompson
5/4/24
Essentially Ellie (My Heart's Tales) 
The clear and measured way that you’ve employed to tell this story emphasises the feeling of being trapped in a truly horrible situation. It’s sad to think that this is the true life story of so many people.
~
Be well and do good my dear friend Ellie.
With love,
DD
XOX
xox
Thank you, David. I was truly trapped in an abusive marriage for seven years. I plainly made a mistake in marrying this person. Both my parents disliked him, but, I, being young and naive and blinded by ‘love’ and the drive to want to get away from my childhood home where domestic violence was already present, lead me to escape in this way. I knew I didn’t love my fiancee even before we had married, but, by then, my parents had paid for a lavish wedding with many guests – a big ‘do’ and I would have felt bad and guilty for wasting all their time and money. I knew on my wedding day that it was so wrong. I got trapped in a bad situation. Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
However, here I am now, happy with two, somehow, well-balanced chicldren and four gorgeous grandchildren. It’s water under the bridge now and I moved on with my life, tough as it was being a single parent in the 80s, and swore to myself I would never marry again. And I didn’t it and I’m glad. I enjoy my time alone, my solitutde sometimes, my quiet times for writing, pleasing myself, having good friends, etc. I count myself as fortunate to be content as I am. With love, Ellie Xox xox 😘
Well done. Too well done.
Thanks, J. At least I learned a lot from my awful experience and that was never to do it again. I’m quite happy with my own company, time to do as I please without anyone else ordering me about. X 💙💜💙💜💙💜💙
No one should ever be allowed to order you about. Anyone who tries is not looking out for your best interests. 🦨 🪱
Thanks, J. You are right, but at the age of 19, I was very naive. It took me seven years to get out of that abusive relationship. I’ll never make the same mistake again. I’ll never get involved with anyone again. Some people think that’s sad, but it’s just how I feel safe. I enjoy my own company. I feel secure and happy now, living with my cat, good friends and having a good family. My ex-husband only had his own best interests at heart; that is, if he had a heart at all, which it seemed many times that he didn’t. It’s all water under the bridge now, although I learned some harsh lessons from my experience. Thanks for caring, J. Xx 💙💜💙
That is a very gruesome story
Once I was out of this situation, I decided never to make the same mistake again. I live on my own (but not lonely) and I’m very content with feeling safe in my own home. So, a happy ending, really. X
I am happy you got out of that terrible situation
Thank you, Thomas. So am I! I’ll never get involved in another relationship. Some think that’s sad, but I am happy living alone with my cat, good friends, and lovely family, so I feel no sadness or regrets about that. X
Such a familiar story from when I worked for a domestic violence nonprofit. Sorry if this is what your marriage was like.
Yes, unfortunately, I expect you came across many cases like mine in your work. My marriage lasted seven years, seven years too long. Most of them were spent in abject misery and fear. Eventually, he left (thank goodness) to live with one of his many girlfriends. I learned my lesson the hard way. I never want to get into another relationship, having had one or two abusive ones in previous years. I am very happy living independently with no one telling me what to do. I have a happy life with some wonderful friends and family and my cat, Peanut. I enjoy my own company and having time to write undisturbed. So, in a way, a happy ending. X
A sad tale indeed.
Yes, it is – it was a horrible seven years of my life. However, I’ll never make the same mistake again, and I live very happily on my own with good friends, a lovely family, and my cat. I have time to myself to do exactly as I please, such as writing, reading, etc. X 🌼
Wow, glad that is over. Sadly, such abusers also seek out very hurt/damaged people because they know they can get away with their BS, for and emotionally healed and healthy person sees through them much faster. Congratulations for shifting into the healthier range!
I was very glad when it was over, too. I know that I wouldn’t put up with that behaviour ever again, not that I intend to get into another relationship. Thankfully, I’m happier and more secure on my own. Thanks for your kind words, as always, Tamara. X 🌹
🙂 You’re sounding much stronger than you did before! 🤩
Thank you, Tamara. That means a lot coming from someone as wise and experienced as you. You have helped me enormously over a long time and I am very grateful. Xx 🤗💐💖
You’re welcome Ellie, I appreciate hearing your kind words in return! Keep doing what you’re doing!
😘
Preface. Here’s one issue with “likes.” What do they really mean? I am more than only reading words here Ellie, and there’s no way I will say “like” to these words. To you my friend, yes, always. I like you. I care for you. Me, I think “likes” should be transformed, more to, “I acknowledge you, I support your well-being and thank you for sharing yourself.” Kind of wordy, but more appropriate, more loving.
Body. I work to refrain from using that other judgmental word, “hate,” because in many ways it is just Wrong. But I clearly dislike the content of your all to sadly common story here. As a people we need learn’n about how to be together with each other. It takes more than gravity, more than need. We need to be awake, eyes open, all of our lives. Who are we otherwise? And yea, we, all of us, make our mistakes. We do. So then what counts is how we correct our mistakes.
Reading, I do notice Ellie, something different in your voice. What? There is a dark cloud missing that used to hang around with you. Awful story (you know), but the story-teller is not the same as the story. I will always celebrate that. (good for you) love.
Thanks so much, Neil. Thank you for caring about me as I do you. I totally understand where you are coming from regarding ‘Likes’. It’s not always appropriate, as in this case, and it would be so much better if we had an ‘I appreciate you’ or, even better, your suggestion, wordy or not. I think you have a perfect alternative to the ‘Like’ button.
My situation was an awful one at the time, but I bear no grudges or ill-feeling now. Many years have passed. Life is too short for resentments, especially those that go on for a long time. Given that the other person doesn’t even know you are feeling resentment or other unpleasant feelings, keeps those bad feelings alive for, possibly, for life. That’s not what I want to do, nor do I practice this as a habit, regardless of what I’ve been through.
Life is now, and I am happy; I have wonderful friends and a loving family. I enjoy what I do with my life these days.
You are quite right; the story-teller isn’t necessarily the story. Having had my cancer scare, I think I value life even more than I did before. I have a lot to be grateful for in my life. Thank you for celebrating that with me. Love, Ellie X
You are beautiful Ellie. That could be another button, but no, nicer to say it right out loud. ♥️
Aww, thank you, Neil. I agree; if there is an opportunity to express love and appreciation directly to the person in question, or in writing to that person, that is far better than a simple, sometimes inappropriate ‘Like’ button. 💙
You illustrate the situation well, Ellie.
Thank you, Mick. I remember what it was like only too well, so the writing of this piece came very naturally. At least I am happy now with amazing friends, my lovely family and time to myself to write or read. All’s well that ends well. X
I’m glad you got through all that;
I’m glad you’re who you’ve become.
Love
DD
XOX
xox
Thank you so much, dear David. I appreciate that. I rarely give any thought to that part of my life. It was only when we were given the title of ‘The Breakdown’ as our writing project for this week that I wrote this. All the others in the class chose to write about a car breakdown. Perhaps, that didn’t occur to me as I don’t have a car.
I’ve moved on an awful long way since those awful days and I am grateful for my friends, family and my independence.
When I began this blog in 2014, it was a whole different story. I’ve deleted many of those older posts because they are just not me anymore. Much love, Ellie Xox xox
Dearest Ellie, this is a heartbreaking read.
All to familiar for many women🙄.
Well done for raising awareness !.
I am sorry you went through this 😪.
We survive and yet the effects are long lasting.
The healing journey is a slow, arduous process.
Much love to you and many hugs too xx
❣️🥰🌹❤️
Thank you for reading. I know these situations are far too common. It was an awful time for me back then, but although I’ll never forget what my ex-husband did, I have moved on a long way. It was back in the late 70s/80s, so I’ve had a long time recovering. I am happy with my life now; I have wonderful friends and a loving family (and cat), and I count myself blessed because he walked out on me and the children to move in with one of his girlfriends. I wish him luck and hope he doesn’t repeat his shocking behaviour with another unsuspecting woman. At least I am happy now. Loads of love and many hugs to you, dear friend. Xxxx 🌹🤗💓🤗🌹
I.am glad you got out Ellie xxx
Much love and many hugs dear friend 💕❣️🌹🥰
Thank you, Maggie Xxxx 🌹🤗💓🥰🌹
Take care Ellie xxx
Hugs 🌹❣️🥰❤️
That’s a very good description of an abusive marriage! I’m sorry you were able to write it from experience.
Thank you for your kind words, Ann. It was pretty awful at the time, but it was a long time ago, and I’m quite happy in my life now. X
The person who said “well done, too well done,” that sums up my feelings…
Thanks, Greg. I appreciate your view. X
You are very strong to have survived this part of your life! I’m just glad you got out and have a good life now. This shouldn’t happen, makes me mad that some men can be so ignorant and cruel!
Thank you very much, brnhl36. It was a case of having to be strong for the sake of my children. I’m so glad I got out when I did, seven years after we married, though – far too long. You’re right; it shouldn’t happen but frequently does; often behind closed doors like my situation was. I am so glad to be out of all that wickedness. I’m now happy, living alone with my cat, good friends and lovely family. Thank you for caring, my friend. Ellie X
What a nice relationship sad tail indded story.
Thank you, Rajkkhoja Xx
Most welcome, Ellie!
nice
Thank you for saying so, friend.