Wednesday evening, 11 June 2014
9.10pm, on my way up to bed; the phone rings. “Who’s phoning at this time in the evening?”, I think. A hesitant voice then says, “Hello Mum”. It’s my son, much to my amazement! My first thought was that something awful had happened, maybe he was very ill; worse still, maybe if my little granddaughter had been badly hurt or had died. My mind raced at a million miles an hour along with my heartbeat. I was so surprised to hear his voice as I can’t even remember the last time he phoned me. It must have been when S. was born; she’s now one and a half and I have only seen her once which hurts so much, especially as I don’t see my daughter’s two little ones hardly at all either. I am a ‘Nanny’ and I’ve no idea how that feels….I’m not ‘in those shoes’, so to speak.
My son says, “I thought i’d tell you before it goes on Facebook that K. is pregnant, twelve weeks now!” I was really shocked…This is K. who can’t look after her first child, S, without her mother doing practically everything for her so how on Earth is she going to look after two little ones, I think? My son, T. says, Oh, K’s mum is going to give up work so that she can be with K. all the time! (And yes, maybe there is a bit of the green-eyed monster in the back of my head but nevertheless, my concern is genuine). I hear myself saying “Congratulations to you both”, In a shocked and half-hearted way.
What are the chances of seeing this new baby, this new life, my grandchild when I never see S.? Virtually nil, I imagine sadly. I am hurting. I hardly know what it means to be a ‘Nanny’ and the little ones barely know me. I am just a stranger to them.
I said something to T. about how much I’d welcome a visit from them and of course, to see S. Muttering about work commitments and such came back and I got nowhere.
When I got off the phone, I didn’t feel the joy or excitement usually following such news. I felt flat, I felt nothing, empty, hurt. I certainly didn’t feel ‘over the moon’, as most people would do under normal circumstances.
(photo credit: acclaim clip art)
4 thoughts on “I OUGHT TO BE OVER THE MOON BUT I’M NOT :(”
I am sorry you are hurting, my dear. This is, however, a brand new life that God has placed a beautiful spirit into. I feel like it would mean the world if you showed them your love through a card or sending diapers or something! I know how much it personally hurts for my mom to not be excited about me announcing pregnancies, and I wish she could put everything aside and rejoice with us. I don’t mean that in a negative way towards you, I’m just sharing what it’s like to be on the other side of that phone call. Xx hugs
Please don’t get me wrong, my friend….I am pleased that God has given the world this gift of a new baby. I always send cards, flowers, gifts etc for both K. and little S. I tell them all through cards, emails etc, how much I love them all and am longing to see them but II never receive a reply and that’s what makes me so sad….I miss having them in my life. Thanks for caring. Hugs xxx
I’m sooo sorry. that is so sad. You do have rights though….I think you should try to pursue it. Well if you want to I mean. I understand it could be difficult given the circumstances. XXX
Thank you. I have suggested mediation but this is rejected and I don’t really want to go through the courts as that could get nasty. I can only hope that when the little ones are older, they will want to come and find me xxx